Mr. Heavyfoot: Pick 'em Corner - The Professor's Week 5 Smart Money Picks

Welcome to Hate Week. Not only does The Professor hate everything about Iowa, but The Professor also hates his underwhelming results in the last two weeks of Pick 'em Corner.

As The Professor's Smart Money Picks have become a worldwide phenomenon over the past several years, sponsors have been clamoring to have their names attached to The Professor's weekly prognostications. This has resulted in companies/organizations like National American University, Gasthof zur Gemutlichkeit, RO*TEL, Armed Forces Network, the City of Chanhassen and Mr. Heavyfoot stepping forward to sponsor various Professor picks.

The Professor would like to thank all of his sponsors for their support, but would like to remind Pick 'em Corner viewers that contractual obligations to these sponsors has resulted in The Professor's mediocre showing thus far this season.

But The Professor isn't changing. The Professor isn't about to pick against a service academy team (You hate freedom if you do.). The Professor isn't about to pick Wisconsin, Iowa or Notre Dame (thereby forcing me to cheer for said blights on the college football landscape).

Unlike my fellow Pick 'em Corner panelists, I have standards that I am unwilling to compromise.

Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor’s Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen. Bet Smart ®

Miami (Fla.) -18.5 SOUTH FLORIDA

The Bulls lost by 32 points at home to something called McNeese State. Then they lost by 15 to offensive juggernaut Michigan State, followed by an 18-point defeat at the hands of powerhouse Florida Atlantic. I don’t trust Miami as far as I can throw Steve Stellar (read: not far), but they’re going to roll over South Florida. In fact, DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It’s The Professor’s Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

South Carolina -7.5 UCF

I’m buying the UCF hype after the Fighting Seeleys dispatched of the Fighting Keisers. It’s probably a mistake, but maybe, just maybe, UCF is this season’s version of Boise State or TCU.

Oklahoma -3.5 NOTRE DAME

Schadenfreude pick here, so buyer beware. Speaking of Schadenfreude, allow me to suggest that the next live broadcast of Pick ‘em Corner take place at one of The Professor’s biggest supporters, the sponsor of the Schadenfreude Games of the Week, Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit. Beer served in large boots. Schnitzels. Sausages. Guys singing and playing accordions. What’s not to like? Speaking of not liking things, The Professor doesn’t like Notre Dame. Never has, never will.

GEORGIA -3 LSU

Zach Mettenberger is the difference here. No, he’s not a better QB than Georgia’s Aaron Murray. But he does have more motivation as he returns to Athens after getting kicked off the UGA team for some off-the-field shenanigans. Gimme the points with a side of Mettenberger anger.

ALABAMA -15.5 Ole Miss

We all know what The Host and some of my colleagues like to say when picking the Tide. Well, I’ve had enough turkey. Instead, I say, HOTTY TODDY, GOSH ALMIGHTY! WHO THE HELL ARE WE? HEY! FLIM FLAM, BIM BAM! OLE MISS, BY DAMN!

WASHINGTON -9.5 Arizona

I hear Seattle is nice this time of year.

Stanford -9.5 WASHINGTON STATE (Seattle, Wash.)

Did you know The Professor and his wife honeymooned in Seattle? It was enjoyable.

Meanwhile, in Iowa ...

Texas A&M -13 ARKANSAS

Let’s see. Johnny Football vs. Bert’s backup QB. Yeah, I’ll take the Aggies. If I was allowed, I’d make this lock #2.

ARIZONA STATE -6 USC

The Sun Devils (and their bought-and-paid-for officials) will hold a special place in my heart this season for their hilarious win over Wisconsin a couple weeks ago. It is for that reason and that reason alone that I’m taking Arizona State. Also, Kiffin don’t know.

OREGON -36 Cal

Last week, I talked myself into taking Ohio State and a huge point spread … and it worked. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!

Fresno State -18.5 HAWAI’I

Fresno points up points by the bunches. Hawaii gives up points by the bunches.

Oklahoma State -18.5 WEST VIRGINIA

You’re dead to me, Dana Holgorson and the Mountaineers, after laying that colossal egg last week at Maryland. If I was allowed, this would be lock #3.

PITTSBURGH -6 Virginia (East Coast Bias Game of the Week)

As is The Professor’s custom, I refuse to provide analysis for a game that was selected by such a blatant East Coast Bias.

Temple -7.5 IDAHO

It’s the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game (DAOtLotTTIACATG?G), brought to you by RO*TEL. Shame on you, Corner Office Man.

Florida State -21.5 BOSTON COLLEGE (Coach Brew Game of the Week)

Boston College is going bear hunting this week against the Seminoles. The question is, are the Eagles prepared to go get the bear? Also, is Boston College’s chili hot? Finally, are the Eagles hungry or are they starving? The answer to these questions is no, no and merely hungry.

Meanwhile, in Iowa ...

Navy -3 WESTERN KENTUCKY (Service Academy Game of the week)

A shout out to all of Pick 'em Corner viewers serving our nation overseas and watching us on Armed Forces Network, the sponsor of the Service Academy Game of the Week. Thank you for your service and your support of PeC. Anchors aweigh, my boys, anchors aweigh!

ILLINOIS -24 Miami (Ohio)

The Tim Beckman Axiom is undergoing some modifications, so until then The Professor is free to choose who he wants in Illinois games. In this game, I can’t believe I’m taking an Illini team favored by 24 points, but I am because Miami is awful and turning its attention to its top-ranked hockey team.