Pick 'em Corner - The Professor's Week 11 Smart Money Picks

As all of Pick ‘em Corner’s devotees know well, The Professor holds advanced degrees in Predictive Mathematical Analysis and Football Studies, making him an expert in college football prognosticating (this season’s record notwithstanding). What you may not know is that The Professor also is the panel’s preeminent voice on mascots, authoring academic papers such as “Guy in a Bear Suit,” “Fraternity of the Fur” and “ Mascots in American Sports: Is There Anything They Can’t Do?”

It is with this in mind that The Professor would like to introduce his picking method for this week’s slate of games. Heretofore, The Professor will predict the result of each game by analyzing the merits of the competing teams’ mascots. It will surely prove to be both educational and lucrative for all of The Professor’s Pupils.

These are The Professor’s Week 11 Smart Money Picks, brought to you by Tuttle’s Eat Bowl Play. Bet Smart®

Georgia -10 KENTUCKY

This is an easy one right out of the gate. Simply put, if you have a wildcat, tiger or husky for a mascot, you’re boring and unimaginative, and you’re going to have to be pretty darn special for me to think of you otherwise. Kentucky has the Wildcat. That’s it. That’s his name. Wildcat. He has no name. LAME. Meanwhile, Georgia has both Uga (a real live bulldog) and Hairy Dawg (a guy dressed amusingly as a bulldog). This one’s a slam dunk. Go Dawgs.

OKLAHOMA -6 Baylor

Good match-up here between teams with multiple living and costumed mascots. At the end of the day, however, a couple of real live bears Baylor’s Joy & Lady) easily trump a couple of Welsh Ponies (Boomer and Sooner). Go Bears.

Duke -4 SYRACUSE

Whenever I think of Syracuse, I’m reminded of a classic skit by mascot, Otto the Orange. At some venue, Otto walked onto the stage/court and stood motionless for a few seconds. Then, a single orange dropped out of his suit between his legs. Then another. Then another. What followed was bags and bags of oranges covering the stage, all emanating from inside Otto. When the last orange had dropped, Otto calmly walked away. Brilliant. Go Orange.

Georgia Tech -4 NC STATE

The plastic eyes and antennae are enough to push Georgia Tech’s Buzz over the ho-hum NC State duo of Mr. & Mrs. Wuf. Credit, though, to NC State’s live mascot, Tuffy, a Tamaskan Dog (which isn’t a wolf, nor a pack). Go Jackets.

Arizona State -2.5 NOTRE DAME

Sparky is kind of fun to look at and his color scheme is pleasing to the eye. Meanwhile, the Leprechaun might be the most punchable mascot in all the land. Go Devils.

AUBURN -21.5 Texas A&M

It’s The Professor’s Points-A-Plenty Game of the Week, brought to you by Breezy Point Resort. Tough one here. While Auburn has the – yawn – tiger for a mascot, Aubie is actually pretty entertaining. He’s historically a great dancer with a hint of goofiness. What gives Auburn the nod here, though, is Nova, aka War Eagle VII. There’s nothing more majestic than an eagle in flight. Texas A&M, meanwhile, has Lassie. Go Tigers.

UCONN -5 Army

Admittedly, I’m taking the service academy regardless of match-up, but I think the pick stands nonetheless. UConn trots out a boring Husky with a boring name – Jonathan. Army, meanwhile, has a mule. Ok, mules aren’t exactly sexy, but at least they’re unique. West Point also gets some guy to wear armor as the Black Knight, so bonus points there. Go Army.

West Virginia -4 TEXAS

The Mountaineers have a bearded guy in leather shooting a musket. Sounds like a bad Village People music video. Texas has Bevo. Enough said. Go Horns.

Iowa State -4 KANSAS

I want to take Iowa State. I really do. But when your mascot is the Cyclone and you use a red bird suit, you’ve lost me. Oh and this is the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game (DAOtLotTTIACATG?G), brought to you by Casa de Autos. Go Jayhawks.

FLORIDA STATE -19.5 Virginia

I hate Florida State, but it’s pretty darn cool when Osceola rides Renegade to the center of the field and plants that flaming spear. Meanwhile, Virginia’s mascot is a guy dressed as a guy. I’ve never been a fan of mascots that are people. It’s creepy and kinda confusing. Go Noles.

UCLA -5 WASHINGTON

I’d prefer a tie here as I’m underwhelmed by both mascots. UCLA has the duo of Joe and Josephine Bruin. I’m sorry, but I find it just plain stupid to have separate boy and girl mascots. It reeks of a marketing department reaching for “greater female involvement.” More women being fans is great, but are you telling me that creating a female mascot is going to attract little girls to your product? Please. I guess I’ll take the run-of-the-mill Husky instead. Go Huskies.

Louisville -3 BOSTON COLLEGE

Two birds. Meh. Eagles eat cardinals. Go Eagles.

TCU -6 Kansas State

TCU’s Super Frog >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Willie the Wildcat. Go Frogs.

Florida -14.5 VANDERBILT

Easy pick. I’ll take a Gator (even with yet another ridiculous boy-girl mascot combo at Florida) over yet another guy-dressed-as-another-guy mascot. Go Gators.

Alabama -7 LSU

Another easy pick. Although I’m confused how an elephant works into the Crimson Tide theme, it’s certainly better than another tiger. Points to LSU, though, for the live tiger. Roll Tide Turkey.

ARIZONA -16.5 Colorado

A live running buffalo and a cute/hilarious costumed buffalo named Chip (get it, Mrs. Money?) vs. another wildcat (and another male-female mascot duo to boot)? Duh. Go Buffs.

Oregon -8 UTAH

 Sure, the Oregon Duck (aka Puddles) is a blatant rip-off of Donald Duck, but it’s a duck for crying out loud. I love ducks. Utah, meanwhile, has a really creepy hawk in a football uniform. Seriously, do a Google image search for Utah mascot. There’s something not quite right about Swoop. Go Ducks.

Penn State -7 INDIANA

DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It’s The Professor’s Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! This is just about the only match-up Penn State is going to win with its crappy, looks-like-a-high-school-team’s-mascot mascot. Still, a crappy mascot beats a nonexistent mascot any day. Go Nits.

Iowa - 2 MINNESOTA

No-brainer here. Goldy is beloved across the nation. From his buck-toothed grin to his spinning head, from his mischievous antics to his national-championship-winning ways, Goldy is easily one of the nation’s top mascots. Iowa, meanwhile, has Herky (he’s a jerky!) – a bird of some sort with a big plastic helmeted head straight out of 1974. But wait! Go to any other Iowa sporting event and Herky looks completely different. That’s the most Iowa thing ever. Go Gophers.

Wisconsin -17 PURDUE

I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I cannot in good conscience pick the lord of creepiness Purdue Pete. Seriously, have you seen that thing? It’s a guy in a football uniform (showing off his own skin – what happens if a black guy wants to be Purdue Pete?) with an oversized cartoonish head in a hard hat, featuring a dead-eye stare. It’s nightmare fuel to the nth degree. I guess I’ll take the skunk in a popcorn box. But, c’mon Bucky, ditch the turtleneck (this isn’t 1989) and put on some damn pants.

Michigan -2 NORTHWESTERN

Michigan does not have a mascot. That’s the only reason I’m taking the terrible Willie the Wildcat. Go Cats.

MICHIGAN STATE -3.5 Ohio State

Sparty is awesome, aside from the ridiculous rules MSU has about him not getting taken to the ground under any circumstances (they probably don’t want anyone to get a look up his skirt). Meanwhile, Brutus is a guy with a nut for a head. Go Spartans.

Overall Standings
Mr. Money - 119-96-5 (6-4) – 131 pts
Mrs. Money – 116-99-5 (6-3) – 128 pts
Lockrem’s Locks – 113-102-5 (4-6) – 121 pts
Steve Stellar – 107-108-5 (6-3-1) – 119 pts
Your Picks Aint Schmidt – 108-107-5 (5-5) – 118 pts
The Cornerman – 107-108-5 (4-6) – 115 pts
The Host – 103-112-5 (6-4) – 115 pts
C-Noth – 108-107-5 (3-6) – 114 pts
Wick to Click –104-111-5 (4-6) – 112 pts
KCKCKCK – 99-116-5 (4-5-1) – 107 pts
Big Game Bob – 100-113-5 (3-6) – 106 pts
The Professor – 97-118-5 (4-6) – 105 pts
The Veteran – 99-116-5 (3-7) – 105 pts
Strickly Cash – 95-120-5 (3-7) – 101 pts
Larry Traversie – 96-119-5 (1-9) – 98 pts
Money Traen – 61-71-1 (2-2) – 65 pts