Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 11 Smart Money Picks

The Professor is back. Back to his rightful place atop the Pick 'Em Corner standings. That's right, YOUR two-time defending Pick 'Em Corner Big Ten Regular Season Handicapping Champion owns the top spot in everyone's favorite college football betting program.

My fellow panelists wrote off The Professor after an admittedly awful 4-10-1 Week 7, which left The Professor below .500 for the year and the owner of a 2-5 locks record. Well, my how the tables have turned. Since Week 7, The Professor has posted a 31-13-1 tear, including a 3-0 mark in locks.

The Professor is back, indeed.

So, without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.

Iowa -10 NORTHWESTERN
The Professor is a numbers guy and all the numbers say to pick the Cats in this one. There's Kirk Ferentz's 4-5 mark against NU, including a 1-3 record against Pat Fitzgerald. There's the Hawkeyes' lackluster win over Indiana last weekend. And then there's the Northwestern's upset win in Iowa City last season to derail the Hawks' undefeated season. So why is The Professor siding with Iowa? First, Iowa is very, very good. Northwestern is not. Second, although this is a road game, it's not a road game since there will be thousands of Iowa fans at Ryan Field. Plus, KCKCKCK will probably be picking the Cats, since that's what he does. Go Hawks.

WISCONSIN -21.5 Indiana
Chalk this one up to my hatred of all things Wisconsin. The Badgers are head and shoulders better than Indiana, but by now, you know how much The Professor loves the schadenfreude angle as it related to Wisconsin. Nothing says schadenfreude more than a Hoosier cover. Plus, Special K is fond of saying, "Bucky is yucky."

ILLINOIS -21 Minnesota
In the aftermath of the Gophers' shellacking at the hands of Michigan State last week, Minnesota tight end Eric Lair said, "I don’t want to say we’re cocky, but we just believe no one can really stop us.” So, much like Mr. Lair, The Professor is going to delude himself into thinking the Gophers can cover this week on the road. Plus, I'm 2-5 this year when I pick against Goldy.

Michigan -12.5 PURDUE
Michigan: Explosive offense, high school defense. Purdue: Anemic offense, "meh" defense. Sounds like a 14-point Maize and Blue win to me. Plus, RichRod is still pissed at Danny Hope and his weird post-game exchange after Purdue's win at Michigan Stadium last year.

Utah -5.5 NOTRE DAME
Utah looking for redemption after last week's embarrassing home loss to TCU + Notre Dame's 11-game losing streak to ranked opponents + the Irish starting a true freshman QB + a quiet home crowd = a convincing Utah win. Plus, it's always fun to cheer against Notre Dame.

OHIO STATE -18 Penn State
The Bucks are rested and ready to introduce PSU QB Matt McGloin to a real Big Ten defense, not the high school-level defenses at Northwestern, Michigan, Minnesota and Illinois. Plus, it's always fun to pick against the alma mater of The Cornerman and Foreman's Forecast.

AUBURN -8.5 Georgia
Color me surprised that Steve Stellar didn't take this one off the board when the rest of the sports books already have, thanks to the ongoing Cam Newton saga. Are we really providing our viewers a service when we include a game on our docket that bookies won't touch with a 10-foot pole? Ok fine. I'll go with the conventional wisdom that the distractions will keep this game close. Plus, I'd like to see the SEC's top team fall to help out TCU/Boise State.

FLORIDA -6.5 South Carolina
This game is a tale of two teams going in separate directions - Florida up and USC down. Throw in the fact that this game will be played in the Swamp and you have the makings of a convincing Gator win. Plus, the Gamecocks lost by 21 at home to Woo Pig Sooie last weekend.

Oregon -19.5 CAL
It's worked for two straight weeks, so why not try it again? In the spirit of the Mighty Ducks movies, of which the esteemed publication Let's Play Hockey was a part: Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack! DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!



ALABAMA -13.5 Mississippi St. (Roll Tide Turkey game)
I haven't picked against the Tide a single time this season. Sure, it's led me to a 5-4 mark in Roll Tide Turkey games, but I think it's time to shake things up a bit. Plus, I think 13.5 points are just a tad too much in this "closer than the experts think" game.

ARIZONA (home) -4 USC
In the last five weeks USC has given up 32 or more points four times. Meanwhile, Arizona is 10th in the nation in points against. Plus, this is a night game in front of the 'Zona Zoo.

Army Pick’Em KENT STATE (Service Academy game)
In honor of Veteran's Day Weekend, I give you the complete lyrics to the Army fight song:

The Army team's the pride and dream
Of every heart in gray,
The Army line you'll ever find
A terror in the fray;
And when the team is fighting
For the Black and Gray and Gold,
We're always near with song and cheer
And this is the tale we're told:
The Army team ...
(Band accompaniment)
(Whistle)
On, brave old Army team,
On to the fray;
Fight on to victory,
For that's the fearless Army way.



Miami -2.5 GEORGIA TECH
For two consecutive weeks, I've had the pleasure of picking against Steve Stellar's favorite squad and came away the big winner. What makes you think I'm going to change now. Plus, this is the first time this season we get to sing, "I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech, and a hell of an engineer--A helluva, helluva, helluva, helluva, hell of an engineer."



*Boise State -34.5 Idaho
Despite the mounting evidence that it's going to take a miracle for Boise State to get a piece of the BCS pie, there's still hope for the Smurf Turfers. They're still on a mission and that means they'll pile on the points again this week, then wake up the next morning and watch a distracted Auburn team implode against Georgia.

Iowa State -2.5 COLORADO (Meaningless game of the Week)
Befitting the Meaningless Game of the Week, here's my analysis: [This space intentionally left blank].

*Stanford -5 ARIZONA STATE
Did I mention I'm 31-13-1 in the last three weeks? I did? Well, then just go with me on this one.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2010 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Total Points
1. The Professor 82-66-5 (92 pts.)
2. Special G 83-65-5 (91)
3. The Veteran 78-70-5 (90)
4. Strickly Cash 81-67-5 (87)
5. The Host 71-77-5 (87)
6. Steve Stellar 79-70-5 (85)
6. KCKCKCK 75-58-5 (85)
8. The Cornerman 68-80-5 (84)
9. Foreman's Forecast 70-76-5 (80)
10. Miss Money 54-65-3 (62)
11. C-Noth 51-64-4 (59)
12. Money Traen 35-40-3 (37)
13. Vose 30-30-3 (32)
14. autoMATTic 24-33-3 (26)
15. Lockrem's Locks 9-6-0 (9)

2010 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Points Per Week (Locks)
1. KCKCKCK 9.4 (5-4)
2. The Professor 9.2 (5-5)
3. Special G 9.1 (4-6)
4. The Veteran 9.0 (6-4)
4. Lockrem's Locks 9.0 (0-1)
6. The Host 8.7 (8-2)
6. Strickly Cash 8.7 (3-7)
8. Steve Stellar 8.5 (3-7)
9. The Cornerman 8.4 (8-2)
10. Foreman's Forecast 8.0 (4-6)
10. Vose 8.0 (1-3)
12. Miss Money 7.8 (4-4)
13. C-Noth 7.4 (4-3)
13. Money Traen 7.4 (1-4)
15. autoMATTic 6.5 (1-3)

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 10 Smart Money Picks

Much like my reaction to the news of the Tim Brewster firing, The Professor would like to celebrate the end of East Coast Bias Week for the 2010 season. The fact that The Host allows Pick 'Em Corner to be hijacked by a couple of transplants who play Duck, Duck, Goose and Flush/Knockout is a troubling sign for the future of this esteemed program. With that in mind, I propose that in weeks that The Host is too busy to choose games, the previous week's top scorer should do the honors.

Of course, that would mean The Host actually gets around to, you know, doing his job and compiling the results from previous weeks, so never mind, I guess.

On to Week 10. The Professor is happy to see we're done with the abomination of ECBW, even though I did notch 13 points last week. The Professor is also happy to see Cornerman and Steve Stellar have listened to the plethora of complaints from Pick 'Em Corner's Midwest-centric fan base and avoided games like Syracuse-Louisville and Boston College-Wake Forest. Good on ya, fellow panelists.

So, without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks (West Coast Bias Week Edition), brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.

Iowa -17.5 INDIANA
The Professor can admit when he's wrong. I partially had written off Iowa after they picked up their second loss a couple weeks ago. Oops. That thumping of Sparty showed how far off I was. Two losses or not, the Hawkeyes are still in the mix for the Big Ten title and they're not going to let their foot off the gas in what should be an Iowa rout in Bloomington.

MICHIGAN ST. -24.5 Minnesota
The Professor's Progeny (v1), Special K, learned quickly last week what it means to be a Gopher fan. After Ohio State marched down the field for a touchdown on its opening possession, Special K turned to me and said, "I want to go home." Expect the Gophers to feel much the same way early on in this tilt with Sparty.

MICHIGAN -3 Illinois
The Ron Zook Postulate does not apply for games where the spread is actually opposite of what it should be. This is one of those games. Much like last season, the wheels are coming off in Michigan. Meanwhile, the Illini look like a team just a notch below the Big Ten elite. It's hard to believe, given who their coach is, but this is my secondary lock of the week (no extra points awarded, though they should be if you pick a team coached by Ron Zook).

MIAMI (Fla.) -7.5 Maryland
Ugh, Steve Stellar's East Coast bias rears its ugly head again. Fear the Turtle.

Wisconsin -20 PURDUE
You know I hate to do it, but I have to pick Bucky here. Purdue is bad, really bad, like almost Minnesota bad.

Air Force -6.5 ARMY (Service Academcy GOW)
Army's new awesome camouflage uniforms are good enough for a cover in West Point.

On, brave old Army team!
On to the fray.
Fight on to victory
For that's the fearless Army way.

TCU -4.5 UTAH (Home)
Some people are looking at this game as a playoff for a BCS bowl spot. Others are looking at this game as the winner's opportunity to leapfrog Boise State in the BCS standings. The Professor is looking at this game as a battle between two teams who really haven't played anybody. Ok, TCU beat Oregon State and Baylor, but that doesn't do a lot for me. And Utah beat, well, umm, choose which team does it for you: Iowa State, Pitt, Air Force. TCU's body of work is a tad stronger that the Utes, so that's what I'm going with here.

BOISE STATE -21 Hawai'i
I really want to take the Rainbow Warriors here as they've put together a solid season, but Boise State is on a mission to upset the apple cart that is the BCS. To do that, the Broncos obviously need to win, but moreso, win big. That's exactly what they do here.

Alabama -6.5 LSU (RTT GOW)
Like the Cornerman, I wouldn't be sad to see the Roll Tide Turkey Game of the Week take a break from time to time, but not this week. I'm still of the belief that LSU is as mediocre a 7-1 team as you'll find. Meanwhile, Alabama should be back to being Alabama after a pair of good wins following the upset loss to South Carolina. The difference maker here is the Tide defense. Aside from the hiccup in Columbia, Bama has allowed more 13 points just once this season. The Bama defense will stop the LSU run and force the anemic Tiger pass offense to do what it does best - throw interceptions. Roll! Tide! Turkey!

PENN STATE -5.5 Northwestern
Joe Paterno gets his first shot at getting his 400th win and his players aren't going to let a team of nerds prevent it from happening.

OREGON -35 Washington
It worked last week, so why not try it again? In the spirit of the Mighty Ducks movies, of which the esteemed publication Let's Play Hockey was a part: Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack! DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!



Nebraska -17.5 IOWA STATEI'm tired of picking the favorite. Yup, that's why I'm going with the Cyclones.

California -14 WASHINGTON STATE (Victory Sports Meaningless GOW)
See Nebraska-Iowa State.

STANFORD -9.5 Arizona
I'm running out of steam here, I'll admit. I like the Cardinal to take the win here, but the spread is just a tad too big for me, especially considering Zona's stout defense. Go Cats.

USC -5 Arizona StateLast week's game against Oregon was USC's bowl game for they year and they allowed 53 points. Now, I don't expect Arizona State to put up anywhere near the same numbers as the Ducks, but there's just no chance the prima donna-laden Trojan roster has any sort of motivation for this game with the Devils. Lane Kiffin will do his best to rally the troops, but in a season that now means nothing, the USC players will mail in the rest of the season, starting with this game. DEVILS!!!



Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 9 Smart Money Picks

Not a lot of time for The Professor this week what with actual work to do, along with getting ready for Special K's 3rd birthday tomorrow. With that in mind, it's lightning round week for The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.

Illinois -17 PURDUE
The Ron Zook Postulate screwed me last week, so I'm shelving it...for now.

Miami -15 VIRGINIA
Miami's underachieving season continues. I'd apologize to Steve Stellar here, but he's partially responsible for ANOTHER East Coach Bias Week of which The Professor is an unabashed detractor.

PITTSBURGH -9 Louisville
Ugh, I hate East Coast Bias Week v.2. Thus, here's my analysis for this game: [this space intentionally left blank].

Northwestern -3 INDIANA
Northwestern sucks, but Indiana is suckier.

TEMPLE -29.5 Akron (Victory Spots Meaningless GOW)
Never, ever pick Akron...even if they do have an awesome kangaroo for a mascot.

NOTRE DAME -8.5 Tulsa
[Analysis redacted]

IOWA -6.5 Michigan State
What the heck does Sparty have to do to gain respect? Win this game, perhaps?

GEORGIA -3 Florida
Don't know why I went with Florida and I don't care.

Auburn -7 MISSISSIPPI
Cam Newton is good for a Tiger win by 8 or more.

NEBRASKA -7.5 Missouri
Total number of minutes I've seen either of these teams play this season: 0. Bet carefully.

Utah -7 AIR FORCE (Service GOW)
I'd love to sing "Off we go into the wild blue yonder" here, but I just can't do it. Tempted to lock this one in, but my affinity toward the service academies prevents me from doing so.

Ohio State -25.5 MINNESOTA
Appropriately, Special K's first introduction to the splendor of live Gopher football results in a Buckeye rout...on his birthday. Welcome to a lifetime of disappointment and heartache, my son.


Michigan -3 PENN STATE
I'd pick the Nits here, but there are several reasons not to: 1. The Cornerman went to Penn State and his grubby little hands are all over this abomination known as East Coast Bias Week v.2. 2. The Nittany Lion is a horrible mascot that looks like it was made by the Cornerman's great-grandparents as a gift to little Cornerman to wear for Halloween circa 1982. 3. Michigan is west of Pennsylvania. Did I mention how much I hate East Coast Bias Week?

Oregon -6.5 USC
In the spirit of the Mighty Ducks movies, of which the esteemed publication Let's Play Hockey was a part: Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack!




HAWAII -14.5 Idaho
DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 8 Smart Money Picks

Connecticut -2 LOUISVILLE
Penn State -9.5 MINNESOTA
PITTSBURGH -13.5 Rutgers
Michigan State -5 NORTHWESTERN
Western Michigan -7.5 AKRON ***LOCK***
ILLINOIS -14 Indiana
OHIO STATE -24 Purdue
Notre Dame -7 Navy (at East Rutherford, NJ)
IOWA -5.5 Wisconsin
AUBURN -6 LSU
Nebraska -5.5 OKLAHOMA STATE
MIAMI -6.5 North Carolina
ALABAMA -16.5 Tennessee
Oklahoma -3 MISSOURI
STANFORD -35 Washington State

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 7 Smart Money Picks

Last week, I said this in my Northwestern vs. Purdue pick analysis: "It's time for The Professor is Just Picking This Way Because, On the Off Chance He Gets to Watch This Game, He'd Like to Cheer for Northwestern Instead of Purdue. For the record, if The Professor's Smart Money Picks continue producing medicore results, I just may pick every game this way for the rest of the season." As expected, it was another mediocre week for The Professor with a 7-7-1 record, including a winning lock.

Now, staying true to my word, I'd like to announce that for each game this week, I'll be picking the team that I want to win and/or cover. I used this strategy in two games last week and went 0-2, so I can't do much worse. If this tactic works this week, I'll stick to it for week 8. If not, it's back to the postulates, theorems and calls to all of The Professor's many contacts in the college football world.

So, without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, (The Professor is Just Picking This Way Because, On the Off Chance He Gets to Watch This Game, He'd Like to Cheer for Team X Instead of Team Y edition), brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.

INDIANA -10.5 Arkansas State
How can you cheer against Indiana? What's there to hate? On the same token, how can you cheer for Arkansas State? Sure, they're not hateable, but they're also completely and utterly irrelevant. In a battle of reative irrelevancy, The Professor likes the Hoosiers.

#11 MICHIGAN ST. -7 Illinois
I don't dislike Illinois and I don't really like Michigan State, but the Spartans have grown on me over the season with the Dantonio heart angle, their fun-to-watch offense and their back-to-back wins over Bucky and Michigan. Meanwhile, there's the Ron Zook Postulate and the fact that Tim Brewster played at Illinois. Go Sparty.

Pittsburgh -1 SYRACUSE
In a tight battle, but my love of the 'stache beats my love of Otto the Orange. Plus, Syracuse plays in the godforsaken Carrier Dome - a facility that, ironically, does not have air conditioning despite being named for an HVAC manufacturer, much like Mankato State's Midwest Wireless Civic Center and its absence of wireless internet.

PURDUE -5 Minnesota
What, you ask, is The Professor doing picking against his beloved Gophers? What would make him put his allegiance behind a pedestrian Purdue squad? Simple, my friends. This report from 1500 ESPN. Now, The Professor knows that it is inevitable that the Tim Brewster era is essentially over, win or not this weekend. But, from where I sit, the sooner Dinkytown and Stadium Village (now with stadium!) rids itself of the used car salesman masquerading as Big Ten football coach, the better. I know many will argue that canning a coach at midseason can do more harm than good to a program; that it sends a message of instability to all possible replacements. Some will argue that recruiting will be hurt and that the school runs the risk of the players mailing in the rest of the season after they're saddled with a lame duck or interim coach. All good points. My take: I DON'T CARE. Nothing would make me happier as a Gopher fan than to see Brewster go. Unless I'm suffering from a severe case of revisionist history, I was never a fan of Brewster and his braggadocio. From the leak of his name as Glen Mason's successor, to his first press conference, to every time he opened his mouth after being hired, to his 1-11 2007 season, to his 15-29 overall record, to his 6-20 Big Ten mark, to his 0-9 mark in rivalry games, to his "light years" quote and everything in between, The Professor has wanted Tim Brewster gone. I can't believe an athletic director of a Big Ten institution bought into the crap Brewster was selling. It reminds me of something Gopher wrestling coach J Robinson once told me: "You can't put perfume in a bucket of manure and expect me to buy it." And that just about sums up the Tim Brewster era. Enjoy West Lafayette, Tim. And while you're there, maybe you can get your old job back at Central Catholic High School.

RUTGERS -7 Army (Service GOW)
On, brave old Army team!
On to the fray.
Fight on to victory
For that's the fearless Army way.

NOTRE DAME -24 Western Michigan
The Professor is an avowed Notre Dame hater, so this is a real easy pick this week. Plus, I've been to Grand Rapids, Mich. - the home of WMU - and thought it was a nice town. Reason enough, I say.

#14 Iowa -3 #24 MICHIGAN
Who hates Iowa? The Professor hates Iowa. (Note: The Professor also hates Michigan, just not as much as Iowa...thus the pick.)

#4 NEBRASKA -9.5 Texas
DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! Methinks the Huskers will be playing a tad angry here what with the kick-to-the-nuts result of last year's Big 12 title game and the preferential treatment the Horns have received over the years in the conference. This is likely Nebraska's last chance to send a giant eff-you to Texas and the powers-that-be in the Big 12 conference office as the Big Red Machine moves onto the Big 10+2, and I think they'll do just that.

#7 AUBURN -3.5 #13 Arkansas
It's a heckuva lot more fun to say, "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! PIG! SOOIE!" than it is to say "War Eagle!"

#12 South Carolina -4.5 KENTUCKY
By no means am I pulling for South Carolina because I'm a fan of the Gamecocks or Steve Spurrier. I'd just like to see a team win the SEC this season that doesn't involve Nick Saban.

#1 Ohio State -3.5 #16 WISCONSIN
Easy, easy pick for The Professor here. There's the schadenfreude angle. The "I want to see a Big Ten team win it all this season" angle. The "What has Wisco done this season to show that they're capable of upsetting the vaunted Buckeyes?" angle. And that hateable "Teach Me How To Bucky" video that surfaced on the interwebs angle (I urge you not to watch this. Instead, check out the series of "Goldy Did It!" YouTube videos). Go Bucks.

#3 Boise State -40.5 SAN JOSE STATE
Sure, I hate the Broncos' Smurf Turf and I love SJSU's old media guide covers, but this game is in San Jose and the Spartans' media guide cover looks like everyone else's now. That's a push, but I'm 3-1 when picking Boise State this year and always love a good rout.

#8 ALABAMA -20.5 Mississippi (RTT GOW)
Under normal circumstances, I love to cheer against the Tide and their hateable head coach, but Ole Miss just chose a black bear for their mascot and that just makes no sense to me. Roll! Tide! Turkey!

WASHINGTON -2 Oregon State
It's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game.

#21 Nevada -6.5 HAWAII
I've never been to Hawaii and that makes me sad and angry. I have been to Nevada and that makes me a person who has been to Nevada. And that's the rationale I'm using for this pick.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2010 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Total Points
1. The Cornerman 45-45-3 (57 pts.)
2. KCKCKCK 50-40-3 (56)
3. The Veteran 47-43-3 (55)
4. Special G 50-40-3 (54)
5. The Host 45-45-3 (53)
6. Steve Stellar 50-40-3 (52)
7. The Professor 47-43-3 (51)
8. Strickly Cash 41-49-3 (45)
9. Foreman's Forecast 40-50-3 (44)
10. Money Traen 35-40-3 (37)
11. Miss Money 28-48-1 (32)
12. C-Noth 22-39-2 (26)
13. Vose 24-22-2 (24)
14. autoMATTic 12-17-1 (12)
15. Lockrem's Locks 9-6-0 (9)

2010 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Points Per Week (Locks)
1. The Cornerman 9.5 (6-0)
2. KCKCKCK 9.3 (3-3)
3. The Veteran 9.1 (4-2)
4. Special G 9.0 (2-4)
4. Lockrem's Locks 9.0 (0-1)
6. The Host 8.8 (4-2)
7. Steve Stellar 8.6 (1-5)
8. The Professor 8.5 (2-4)
9. Vose 8.0 (0-3)
10. Strickly Cash 7.5 (2-4)
11. Money Traen 7.4 (1-4)
12. Foreman's Forecast 7.3 (2-4)
13. C-Noth 6.5 (2-2)
14. Miss Money 6.4 (2-3)
15. autoMATTic 6.0 (0-2)

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 6 Smart Money Picks

On behalf of the City of Chanhassen, The Professor would like to thank Pick 'Em Corner for returning to Buffalo Wild Wings Chanhassen for the first show of the season. It was a great show and will soon by available via podcast once The Host uploads the audio from his stolen recorder.

Pick 'Em Corner returns to the online-only world this week, which means we won't be seeing The Professor do the Chief Illiniwek dance, a live look-in to Camp Basra thanks to a satellite link provided by the Armed Forces Network, the flummoxed autoMATTic trying to come up with something witty while making his picks or the strange looks the Pick 'Em Corner panel receives from fellow BWW customers. Going back online also assures that autoMATTic will refuse to make any picks.

Without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.

#2 OHIO ST -21.5 Indiana
There's no question that the Buckeyes will win this game, but a nicked-up Terrelle Pryor combined with a decent Hoosier offense equals an Indiana cover. Plus, it's just so much more fun to cheer for Indiana than OSU.

PENN ST -7.5 Illinois
The Professor is virtually doing the Chief Illiniwek dance. It worked last week, so I thought I'd go back to the culturally-insensitive well once again. Plus, it's just so much more fun to cheer for Illinois than PSU.


#19 WISCONSIN -21.5 Minnesota
The Tim Brewster Farewell Tour makes its first stop of the season as Gopher Nation invades Madison. The Badgers are better than the Gophers in just about...no, in every way, so why am I siding with the Gophers? The quick and easy answer is, of course, schadenfreude. Obviously, this game is the Schadenfreude Super Bowl for The Professor. A Minnesota win would be great for this tortured Gopher fan, but a loss by Bucky would make it fell all the better. I have absolutely zero faith that Brewster will be able to pull off the miracle here, but this is an incredibly desperate team that will keep this game close. As much as the numbers tell me to invoke the Tim Brewster Theorem, my heart just won't let me do it. In fact, I'm going to do something the theorem says I should never do: DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

NOTRE DAME -6 Pittsburgh
The rout of Boston College got the Irish on track after a rough several weeks. There's just not enough 'stache power to overcome Notre Dame. And that's as much analysis I'm going to do for a game I really don't give a rat's ass about.

NORTH CAROLINA -2.5 Clemson
Speaking of games I don't give a rat's ass about, it's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game.

#17 MICHIGAN -4.5 #16 Michigan State
Stay far, far away from this game, Professor's Pupils. There are just far too many contrasting areas to adequately get a good guage on this game. First, Michigan. The Wolverines have a terrific offense paced by who The Professor thinks should be the runaway favorite right now for the Heisman. On the other hand, Michigan owns the 10th-ranked scoring defense, 11th-ranked pass defense and seventh-ranked rush defense. Now, Michigan State. The Spartans also have a terrific offense paced by a stable of good running backs and a veteran QB. On the other hand, MSU ranks last in third-down conversions and penalties, 10th in sacks allowed, and ninth in pass defense and sacks. So, why is The Professor picking the Spartans? Ummm. Erm. Well, how about this: Mark Dantonio returns to the sidelines, providing Sparty with just enough lift to get by Michigan?

#1 Alabama -6.5 #20 SOUTH CAROLINA (RTT Game)
I'll be honest. I'm basically just picking the Tide here because it's what I do in the Roll Tide Turkey Game of the Week. It's led me to a 4-1 mark so far, so I'm not changing. I'm also contractually obligated through my agreement with The Host to say, "ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!"

#13 Arkansas -6 TEXAS A&M
This smells like a trap, but The Professor doesn't believe in traps, so...WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! PIG! SOOIE!

Navy -5.5 WAKE FOREST (Service Game)
Navy has been a huge disappointment this season, but that doesn't matter in The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network. Anchors Aweigh, my boys, Anchors Aweigh!

#10 Utah -6 IOWA STATE
The sentimental side of The Professor wants to pick the Cyclones as Iowa State is my dad's alma mater, but the professorly side of me says the Cyclones have no chance of keeping the Utes in check.

#12 FLORIDA -7 lsu
Why, oh why, does LSU keep getting respect from the oddsmakers? Sure, they're undefeated, but it's been anything but impressive, including last week's "thrilling" 16-14 win at home over Tennessee. Take the Gators.

#25 NORTHWESTERN -10 Purdue
It's time for The Professor is Just Picking This Way Because, On the Off Chance He Gets to Watch This Game, He'd Like to Cheer for Northwestern Instead of Purdue. For the record, if The Professor's Smart Money Picks continue producing medicore results, I just may pick every game this way for the rest of the season.

#18 STANFORD -10 usc
See Northwestern-Purdue pick.

#4 BOISE STATE -39 Toledo
[Insert analysis here]

#14 MIAMI -6.5 Florida State
This one's for you, Steve Stellar.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2010 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Total Points
1. The Host 42-34-2 (50 pts.)
2. KCKCKCK 43-33-2 (49)
3. The Cornerman 38-38-2 (48)
4. Special G 41-35-2 (45)
5. Steve Stellar 42-34-2 (44)
5. The Veteran 38-38-2 (44)
7. The Professor 40-36-2 (42)
8. Strickly Cash 35-41-2 (37)
9. Foreman's Forecast 32-44-2 (34)
10. Money Traen 30-31-2 (32)
11. Miss Money 22-40-0 (26)
11. C-Noth 22-39-2 (26)
13. Vose 24-22-2 (24)
14. Lockrem's Locks 9-6-0 (9)
15. autoMATTic 7-8-0 (7)

2010 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Points Per Week (Locks)
1. The Host 10.0 (4-1)
2. KCKCKCK 9.8 (3-2)
3. The Cornerman 9.6 (5-0)
4. Special G 9.0 (2-3)
4. Lockrem's Locks 9.0 (0-1)
5. Steve Stellar 8.8 (1-4)
5. The Veteran 8.8 (3-2)
7. The Professor 8.4 (1-4)
8. Vose 8.0 (0-3)
8. Money Traen 8.0 (1-3)
10. Strickly Cash 7.4 (1-4)
11. autoMATTic 7.0 (0-1)
12. Foreman's Forecast 6.8 (1-4)
13. Miss Money 6.5 (2-2)
13. C-Noth 6.5 (2-2)

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 5 Smart Money Picks

The Professor's Smart Money Picks were presented live on Pick 'Em Corner from Buffalo Wild Wings in Chanhassen.

Northwestern -5.5 MINNESOTA
#17 Miami -3.5 CLEMSON
#2 Ohio State -17 ILLINOIS
Virginia Tech -4 NC STATE
AIR FORCE -10 Navy (Service GOW)
#19 Michigan -10 INDIANA
#8 Oklahoma -3.5 #16 Texas (Played in Dallas)
#9 Wisconsin -2 #21 MICHIGAN STATE
Texas Tech -7 IOWA STATE
Georgia -5 COLORADO ***LOCK***
#1 ALABAMA -9 #7 Florida
Notre Dame -2.5 BOSTON COLLEGE
#4 OREGON -7 #13 Stanford
#3 Boise State -42.5 New Mexico State
#18 IOWA -7 #20 Penn State

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 4 Smart Money Picks

The Professor learned his lesson last week. Never, ever criticize Steve Stellar and Special G. The karmic retribution will come back to bite you. Nice work, Stellar and G.

I'd heap praise on KCKCKCK after an 11-point weekend, but he decided to rub my nose in my subpar week at the same time boasting of him enjoying cold beverages and chicken wings from a Wrigley Field suite during the Dave Matthews Band concert. Somehow, karma gives KCKCKCK a free pass for all of his arrogance and braggadocio, while The Professor gets chastised for a few choice words for all-around good guys like Steve Stellar and Special G. The only thing I can come up with is that karma is being nice to my esteemed colleague in Chicago as he will be turning the magical age of 40 in early November (Happy Birthday, KCKCKCK shirts now available for pre-ordering from The Cornerman). Karma apparently is more friendly to those of advancing age. Then again, C-Noth is 17-27-2.

The Professor is still crunching the numbers to figure out his awful showing in the Service Academy Games of the Week, sponsored by Armed Forces Network (0-3) and his subpar performance in The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University (1-2). Sometimes, there is just no explanation for phenomena in the Pick 'em Corner world. How else to explain noted college football enthusiast LFK's average of 6.3 points per week in Pick 'em Corner. It just makes no sense.

On to week 4, also known as Glen Mason Memorial Cupcake Week, brought to you by PPI Sports. Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.

NORTHWESTERN -6.5 Central Michigan
Cupcake Week opens with admittedly non-cupcake game, at least by this week's standard. Central Michigan is a decent MAC team coming off a 52-14 win over Eastern Michigan. Of course, The Host with his jacked-up spine, Miss Money with her lack of athleticism, KCKCKCK with his surgically-repaired ticker, Lockrem's Locks and seven of their friends could probably put up at least 35 on EMU, so that result says nothing. Northwestern has a good thing going here with a chance to go 4-0 in the nonconference season and realistically look forward to a 6-0 mark with Minnesota and Purdue up next. There's just no way PatFitz lets the Cats have a letdown against the CMU [redacteds].



#23 MICHIGAN ST -25 Northern Colorado
This is the sort of game PPI Sports was looking for when they sponsored Cupcake Week. Some may say the Spartans are due for a letdown after last week's crazy win over Notre Dame. They may say MSU will overlook the Bears with Wisconsin looming the following week. They may also say the distraction of Mark Dantonio's heart attack will take its toll. They are all wrong. An overtime win over the Irish just motivated this team. Overlooking a team is a thing of the past as FCS teams have already posted six wins agains their FBS counterparts. And expect the Spartans to rally around their head coach with an inspiring effort. It all adds up to a big win for Sparty.



#22 MICHIGAN -25.5 Bowling Green
Ok, so Bowling Green is without their starting quarterback and the Falcons pass rush is listed by the NCAA Stats Service as 'sucks'. And yes, Denard Robinson will run roughshod over the BGSU D. All that being said, Falcon backup QB Aaron Pankratz has the size (6-6, 221) and throwing ability to torch a Michigan defense that was doing its best to make UMass look like App State. Of course, Michigan wins, but BGSU has too much firepower to get blown out.



#10 WISCONSIN -33 Austin Peay
Schadenfreude 3, Wisconsin 0. Three weeks. Three games where Bucky has failed to cover. C'mon Austin Peay, make like Cal Poly and give me another dose of Wisco-themed schadenfreude this week.





#18 IOWA -28 Ball State
Here's my rationale for this pick: Liberty 27, Ball State 23. Yes, that rationale backfired last week as Ball State hung in there with Purdue, but that was Purdue. Now the Cardinals are facing an ornery and motivated Iowa team that will be hurling the ball all over the field to protect its depleted backfield. Yes, it's INT-prone Ricky Stanzi throwing the ball, but still: Liberty 27, Ball State 23.


PURDUE -11.5 Toledo
A sucktastic Purdue offense + a craptacular Toledo offense = u-g-l-y, you ain't got no alibi. You ugly.


DUKE -6.5 Army (Service GOW)
Army alumni: Ulysses S. Grant, Dwight D. Eisenhower, George Patton, Douglas MacArthur. Duke alumni: Richard Nixon, Elizabeth Dole, Ron Paul, Jim Lehrer. I think I'll take my chances with the Corps of Cadets.

The Army team's the pride and dream
Of every heart in gray.
The Army line you'll ever find
A terror in the fray.
And when the team is fighting
For the Black and Gray and Gold,
We're always near with song and cheer
And this is the tale we're told:

On, brave old Army team!
On to the fray.
Fight on to victory
For that's the fearless Army way.


#17 Stanford -4.5 NOTRE DAME
Sports radio hosts are, as a rule, buffoons. Matt Patrick, morning drive host on 95.3 MNC Michiana Sporting News, made a complete ass of himself for saying that Mark Dantonio's heart attack was retribution from God for Michigan State pulling the Little Giants play on Patrick's beloved Fighting Irish last week. Stay classy, Matt. Expect retribution in the form of a resounding win by a team that has a tree for a mascot.





#2 OHIO STATE -44 Eastern Michigan
Ohio State is one of the only top 10 teams in the nation that doesn't actively try to run up the score. That being said, Eastern Michigan has allowed 111 points in its first three games. The Bucks won't be able to stop themselves from running up the score. If Urban Meyer was pacing the OSU sidelines, he just might try for triple digits on the scoreboard. Sweater Vest won't let that happen, but it's not like he's going to tell his players to drop the ball on purpose as they reach the end zone time after time.


#20 PENN STATE -13.5 Temple
In the interest of karma, I'm going to turn this pick over to noted Penn State enthusiast and fellow Pick 'em Corner panelist LFK. Take it away. "Thanks, 'fessor. Great to be here. IF MY NITS DON'T EFFING WIN THIS GAME BY 28 OR MORE, I'M GOING TO RIP THE FAUX CHIMNEY OFF OF MY TOWNHOUSE, CORNERMAN'S WISHES BE DAMNED! WE HAVEN'T LOST TO EFFING TEMPLE SINCE JOEPA WAS 14 YEARS OLD! 14, FOR GOD'S SAKE! THAT WAS BEFORE THE GERMANS BOMBED PEARL HARBOR! ON TOP OF THAT, 1985 WAS THE LAST TIME TEMPLE LOST BY FEWER THAN 13 POINTS! YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M PICKING PENN STATE TO WIN! EFF YOU, AL GOLDEN." Thanks, LFK. Love the passion. Like the pick. Go Nits.


#1 Alabama -7 #11 ARKANSAS
Three weeks of picking Alabama haven't let me down, so I'm not going to stop. As much as I enjoy saying, "Woo! Pig! Sooey!", Pick 'em Corner wouldn't be what it is (a colossal inside joke between a bunch of degenerates who need better social lives) without "ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!



#7 NEBRASKA -26 South Dakota St.
DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! Oh how The Professor loves when The Host sets the spread.



INDIANA -22.5 Akron
Hoosiers. Zips. You want excitement? You got it in the nonconference portion of the Indiana schedule. Two weeks of picking Indiana in their march through Cupcakeville have yielded victories for The Professor. What makes you think I'll do anything different here?



#14 AUBURN -3 #15 South Carolina
It's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game.


#3 BOISE STATE -18.5 Oregon State
Oregon State prepared for this game by painting their practice field blue. That reeks of a team coming in scared. Have some confidence, Beavers, for crying out loud. Who cares if the field is blue? What possible difference does it make? Do you really think covering your practice field with blue paint is going to get your team ready for Boise State? No, it won't. You've already lost if that's your plan for preparing your squad. Meanwhile, this is the last chance for the Broncos to prove to the BCS that they belong amongst the big boys. They're not going to let a team that thinks field color is a primary factor come into their house and stay within three TDs. Take the Smurf Turf.




MINNESOTA -4 Northern Illinois
Desperation can lead to amazing results. Exhibit A: Strickly Cash's desperate attempts to leave his job in Minnesota resulted in a cushy position molding the youth of Wisconsin. Exhibit B: Special G's desperate quest to join Pick 'em Corner resulted in him holding the top spot in the standings in only his second year on the panel. And Exhibit C: The Professor's desperate search for a girlfriend/wife resulted in him far outkicking his coverage with a woman who finds Pick 'em Corner the most idiotic waste of time on the planet...and who's to say she's wrong. You see, desperation can be a vital tool in getting what you want. Tim Brewster knows this. Publicly, he's not claiming desperation and calling this game as a must-win, but in the locker room he's been on his hands and knees pleading with his team to win one for the Brew. He can see his future as a tight ends coach for the Montreal Alouettes. Of course, he just ran off one of his most talented players and there are rumors of a pending revolt in the locker room, so all bets are off. Still, when coaching fails (and it has), performance lacks (and it has) and your own administration is giving you half-hearted endorsements (and it has), desperation is all you've got. As Strickly Cash, Special G and The Professor can attest, sometimes desperation can lead to amazing results.


#12 LSU -10 #21 West Virginia
Saturday night in Baton Rouge is always a circus, so LSU looks to be the pick here. However, the Tiger offense stinks and West Virginia is certainly no cupcake. The LSU defense is very good, but they haven't faced a back like Noel Devine. Expect a tight game here, but keep your money in your pocket for this one as there's no telling what can happen at night at Tiger Stadium.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2010 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Total Points
1. Special G 30-14-2 (34 pts.)
2. KCKCKCK 27-17-2 (31)
3. The Host 24-20-2 (30)
4. Steve Stellar 28-16-2 (28)
5. The Professor 25-19-2 (27)
6. Strickly Cash 24-20-2 (26)
6. The Cornerman 20-24-2 (26)
8. Money Traen 23-21-2 (25)
9. The Veteran 22-22-2 (24)
10. C-Noth 17-27-2 (21)
11. LFK 19-25-2 (19)
12. Miss Money 11-19-0 (15)
13. Vose 9-5-2 (9)
14. autoMATTic 0-0-0 (0)
14. Lockrem's Locks 0-0-0 (0)

2010 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Points Per Week (Locks)
1. Special G 11.3 (2-1)
2. KCKCKCK 10.3 (2-1)
3. The Host 10.5 (3-0)
4. Steve Stellar 9.3 (0-3)
5. The Professor 9.0 (1-2)
5. Vose 9.0 (0-1)
7. The Cornerman 8.6 (3-0
7. Strickly Cash 8.6 (1-2)
9. Money Traen 8.3 (1-2)
10. The Veteran 8.0 (1-2)
11. Miss Money 7.5 (2-0)
12. C-Noth 7.0 (2-1)
13. LFK 6.3 (0-3)
14. autoMATTic 0.0 (0-0)
14. Lockrem's Locks 0.0 (0-0)

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 3 Smart Money Picks

The Professor would like to apologize for failing to show up last week for his lecture at Pick 'Em Corner. The Professor's Pupils deserve better. Then again, perhaps it was foreshadowing as The Professor's favorite college football team also failed to show up last week.

On to week 3 at Pick 'Em Corner. Special G (why is he called that, by the way?) has stormed out of the gate with a 20-9-2 picks record through two weeks. Expect that to come crashing down this week as overconfidence has set in. According to a source inside the Gopher Athletic Communications office - let's call her S. Berhow...no, no...that's too obvious...let's call her Sara B. - Special G has been impossible to deal with this week at his palatial estate in Rosemount. Sara B. says that Special G is demanding she refer to him as Special G and that he is close to losing his day job at Circuit City as his supervisors are getting tired of his boasting of just how good of a handicapper he is.

Also of note through two weeks is Steve Stellar's 1-11-1 record on locks since the start of the 2009 season; LFK's six-point outing last week - the lowest point total for a Penn State alum since The Cornerman put up four points in 2009's Week 6; Miss Money, in her 2010 debut, picking South Dakota as her lock; and autoMATTic and Lockrem's Locks failing to provide picks for the second straight week.

The Professor, meanwhile, just keeps successfully educating his Pupils with back-to-back 10-point weeks. Sure, I missed on my lock, but The Professor isn't perfect. No, he's just 10-3 on his locks since the start of the 2009 season. Special G may look strong now, and The Host and KCKCKCK have shown they haven't lost a step despite increasing senility, but if you're looking for consistency, look no further than the two-time defending Pick 'Em Corner Big Ten Regular Season Handicapping Champion...The Professor.

Without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.


#19 GEORGIA -2.5 #15 Arkansas
Meh. It's a game between two SEC also-rans. The Professor doesn't claim to be an SEC expert by any means. Unlike most of my colleagues in the SEC, I don't look at my cousins as potential lovers and I don't have a general mistrust of anyone from north of the Mason-Dixon Line. That being said, I do have some quality contacts in the south. Contacts like former Arkansas coach Lou Holtz. Lou went on a rant on just how much he despises the smug Mark May before giving me a spittle bath when he said, "Woooooo! Pig! Sooie!" Love the passion, Lou. Go Hogs.



MICHIGAN -29 Massachusetts
Some experts out there will tell you to expect a short day for Michigan QB Denard Robinson after a pair of back-to-back weeks. They'll cite his 430 yards on 62 attempts in just two games as a reason why RichRod will look to rest his suddenly Heisman hopeful signal caller. They'll say Michigan needs to limit Robinson's carries to save him for the Big Ten season. They're wrong. RichRod is trying to bring Michigan back to prominence, in addition to trying to restore his reputation, and Robinson is his golden child. Also, since when did the Michigan staff care about resting their players? (See: NCAA violations for excessive practices) Go Blue.


#2 OHIO STATE -30.5 Ohio
The Professor knows absolutely nothing about Ohio aside from their respected sports management school and their shocking 2000 win over the Goof Troop. Do the Bobcats still run the quirky offense that befuddled Glen Mason and Friends at the Metrodome? Anyone? It really doesn't matter. The Buckeye defense could certainly pitch a shutout here and Terrelle Pryor and the OSU offense are getting better each week. Go Bucks.


#14 PENN STATE -21 Kent State
The Professor would defer this game's analysis to Penn State alum and fellow Pick 'Em Corner panelist LFK, but she is still frothing at the mouth for the performance the Fighting Keisers put forth last week at 'Bama. Also, LFK had a six-point week as noted above. I then tried talking to the panel's other PSU alum, The Cornerman, but all I got was hyperbole and exaggeration. Instead, I talked to noted Big Ten blogger Adam Rittenberg. He told me to expect a big day from Nits running back Evan Royster to the tune of 140 yards. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. The Golden Flashes own the nation's top-ranked run defense and the Penn State offense is far from a fine-tuned unit. Of course, the Fighting Keisers will win, but as Lee Corso says, "Closer than the experts think." Go Flashes.


ILLINOIS -7 No. Illinois
As explained in the syllabus in week 1, The Professor uses a mathematical process he created to decide games involving Illinois. The Ron Zook Postulate states that any game involving noted waterskiing head coach Ron Zook should be picked in favor of the Fighting Illini's opponent when the spread seems reasonable if it involved any other coach. This spread seems reasonable until you see that the NIU offense struggled to get by the North Dakota Fighting [redacteds]. That right there is enough to trump The Ron Zook Postulate. It's rare when this happens, so this is actually a game to watch. Go Fighting Wickstroms.


PURDUE -17 Ball State
Here's my rationale for this pick: Liberty 27, Ball State 23. Boiler Up.


#18 FLORIDA ST. -10 #24 byu
It's the 2010 season debut of the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by The Host and RO*TEL. As a rule, no analysis is provided for the DAOLTTIACABTG?G.


usc -12 MINNESOTA
Hoo boy, where to start? I know. DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! A word to The Professor's Pupils here: Any of my fellow panelists who do not pick USC and fail to make this their lock of the week cannot be trusted. Kudos to Vose (where is his catchy nickname, Host?) for seeing the light here. There are so many ways to go with this one, but coaching is the most obvious. As evidenced in the attached photo, coaching has been just a slight issue for the Gophers. Sure, Timmy B has had this game circled on his calendar for some time, but circle or not, Brew can't coach his way out of a wet paper bag. I am sick and tired of hearing about the increase in talent in the Gopher program since Brewster arrived. This actual Brewster comment makes my want to hurl: "The team we have on the field today ... is light years ahead of where we were three years ago. Light years." If that quote isn't enough of a justification to fire Brewster, I don't know what is. I mean, Brewster is basically saying, "Look at all the talent we have on this team now. Look at all the raw athleticism and football ability that I have brought in over the past three years. Of course, we don't know the first thing about how to actually coach these more talented players. The previous staff was filled with qualified coaches who could coax as much as possible out of that limited talent. Us? Not so much. Light years." Meanwhile, on the other sideline, we have hometown boy Lane Kiffin. Passed over for the job that Brewster got, Kiffin says he harbors no ill will toward the Minnesota program and revenge won't play a role in this game. Pardon me while I guffaw and call BS. Kiffin is a world class douchebag who would like nothing more than to rub Joel Maturi's nose in his godawful decision to hire a used car salesman as head football coach. Don't believe a word Kiffin says. This game is personal for him and unlike his counterpart across the field, his program actually has coaches who know how to coach. Oh, and the team USC has on the field today is light years ahead of where Minnesota will ever be. Light years. Go Trojans.


#1 Alabama -23 DUKE (RTT GOW)
Let me get this straight. Alabama beats up on San Jose State and the Fighting Keisers to the tune of a combined score of 72-6. Meanwhile, Duke loses 54-48 to Wake Forest a week after allowing 27 points to something called Elon. And I'm supposed to expect the Dukies to stay within 23 of the Tide? This has trap written all over it, but I'm not going to bite. Alabama is far too good on both sides of the ball and Duke is far too Duke. Roll. Tide. Turkey.


#7 OKLAHOMA -17.5 Air Force (SERVICE GOW)
Contractually, I'm obligated to pick the service academy in The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network. However, the contract also states that when the service academy goes loses back-to-back weeks agains the spread as Navy and Army have done to start the season, The Professor is given carte blanche for the SAGoW. We all know The Professor enjoys singing the fight songs for the service academies each week. They're so catchy. Much better than when The Host sings that annoying Ramblin' Wreck diddy during Georgia Tech games. Now, as you see, I'm going against my trend and picking the non-service academy here. So, no singing, right? Wrong. Teeks, this is for you. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-klahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain!"



#11 WISCONSIN -14 Arizona State
Schadenfreude 2, Wisconsin 0. That's right. Two weeks. Two games where Bucky has failed to cover. Now, I know I'm slightly misusing the term "schadenfreude" here as Wisco has won both games, but as a long-suffering Gopher fan, I have to take Badger failings where I can get them. Devils!



Indiana -12 WESTERN KENTUCKY
Hoosiers. Hilltoppers. You want excitement? You got it in the nonconference portion of the Indiana schedule.


Northwestern -6.5 RICE
Look! Another Northwestern game against a fellow acclaimed academic institution! Catch the fever!


MICHIGAN ST -3.5 Notre Dame
Stay far, far away from this game. This one is really a crapshoot. The oddsmakers are basically throwing their hands up here and just giving the Spartans the nod with the home field advantage. This game has shootout written all over it. Both defenses are suspect and both offenses can be dangerous. In a game like this, trying to crunch the numbers won't help. It's paralysis by analysis. So, how to pick? With your heart, that's how. And my heart has no place for the Irish (the football team, not the people). Go Sparty.


#10 Iowa -1.5 #23 ARIZONA
I really think this is the Big Ten's year. Ohio State looks to be a bona fide national title contender. Wisconsin is capable of another 10-win season. Michigan looks to be regaining its place among the conference elite. Michigan State is a dangerous team just waiting to get over the hump. Penn State is still Penn State despite their scared performance at Alabama. Northwestern always gets better as the year goes on. And Iowa is as solid a team as you'll find in the country. Let's just forget about Indiana, Illinois, Purdue and Minnesota, shall we? Meanwhile, the Pac-10 will claim they're as strong and deep as ever with four teams in the top 25. Poppycock, I say. While the SEC calls the Big Ten is slow, the Big Ten can call the Pac-10 soft. And soft is what a very good Arizona team will look like against a prototypical Big Ten team in Iowa. The Wildcats have a great offense, but the Iowa defense is just too good to let Arizona light up the field and scoreboard. Meanwhile, Arizona's defense is somewhat inexperienced, while Iowa's offense will just wear you down with the tried-and-true "three yards and a cloud of dust" strategy that has carried the Big Ten for years. Take the Hawkeyes in what promises to be the game of the week.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2010 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Total Points
1. Special G 20-9-2 (24 pts.)
2. The Host 17-12-2 (21)
3. The Professor 18-11-2 (20)
3. KCKCKCK 18-11-2 (20)
5. Steve Stellar 19-10-2 (19)
6. The Veteran 16-13-2 (18)
6. Strickly Cash 16-13-2 (18)
6. The Cornerman 14-15-2 (18)
9. C-Noth 10-19-2 (14)
10. LFK 13-16-2 (13)
11. Vose 9-5-2 (9)
12. Miss Money 6-9-0 (8)
12. Money Traen 6-8-2 (8)

2010 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Points Per Week (Locks)
1. Special G 12.0 (2-0)
2. The Host 10.5 (2-0)
3. The Professor 10.0 (1-1)
3. KCKCKCK 10.0 (1-1)
5. Steve Stellar 9.5 (0-2)
6. The Veteran 9.0 (1-1)
6. Strickly Cash 9.0 (1-1)
6. The Cornerman 9.0 (2-0
6. Vose 9.0 (0-1)
10. Miss Money 8.0 (1-0)
10. Money Traen 8.0 (1-0)
12. C-Noth 7.0 (2-0)
13. LFK 6.5 (0-2)

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 2 Smart Money Picks

Unfortunately, there's no time for my breakdowns this week. Here's my Smart Money Picks:

NORTHWESTERN -16 Illinois State
#12 WISCONSIN -38 San Jose State
Michigan State -28 FLA ATLANTIC
PURDUE -21 Western Illinois
MINNESOTA -22.5 South Dakota
SO. CAROLINA -3 Georgia
ARMY -3 Hawaii (Service GOW)
CAL -10 Colorado
#8 OKLAHOMA -7 Florida State
#10 IOWA -13.5 Iowa State
NOTRE DAME -3.5 Michigan
#2 OHIO STATE -8 #13 Miami (FL)
#1 ALABAMA -12 #14 Penn State (RTT GOW)
ILLINOIS -22 Southern Illinois ***LOCK***
#11 Oregon -11.5 TENNESSEE

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 1 Smart Money Picks

Quiet, everyone. Find your seats. It's time to get started. First of all, welcome back to campus. I trust you had an enjoyable offseason.

My name is The Professor. Welcome to The Professor's Smart Money Picks 101, a crucial part of the curriculum known as Pick 'Em Corner. I've been handicapping college football games for decades now and would like you to know that I am the two-time defending Pick 'Em Corner Big Ten Regular Season Handicapping Champion. Pay no mind to my predictions for games outside the Big Ten regular season.

For those of you not familiar with The Professor and my process for handicapping college football games, I've included a brief syllabus:

1. The Professor is proud to return as the presenter of The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network.

2. The Professor ALWAYS chooses the service academy squad in the SAGoW, no matter the matchup or spread.

3. The Professor will weekly provide you with a prediction on which to place the bulk of your bankroll. This prediction will be known as The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University.

4. The Professor will do his darndest to avoid picking Wisconsin and Iowa during the season, but ridiculous betting lines may prevent him from doing so from time to time.

5. The Professor uses a mathematical process he created to decide games involving Illinois. The Ron Zook Postulate states that any game involving noted waterskiing head coach Ron Zook should be picked in favor of the Fighting Illini's opponent when the spread seems reasonable if it involved any other coach.

6. From time to time, The Professor will sponsor the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by The Host and RO*TEL.

7. The Professor's colleagues in the Pick 'Em Corner curriculum include, but are not limited to, The Host, Steve Stellar, The Cornerman, KCKCKCK, The Veteran, Miss Money, autoMATTic, Strickly Cash, Money Traen, C-Noth, Lockrem's Locks and Special G. Do not trust your money to them and their picks.

8. The Professor will use Mr. Heavyfoot as the homepage for The Professor's Smart Money Picks of the Week. Given enough time and/or the hiring of a quality TA, Mr. Heavyfoot will host the Pick 'Em Corner weekly picks and standings.

9. The Professor's Smart Money Picks will be distinguished in bold. The home team is listed in ALL CAPS.

Without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.

INDIANA -18 Towson
We start of the season with a game near and dear to my colleague Steve Stellar's heart. You see, Stellar attended Towson University or Towson State or Towson School of the Hard of Hearing or whatever they want to be referred to as now. He'll undoubtedly put away all reason and logic and pick the Tigers to pull the upset on the road. He, of course, will be wrong. Very, very wrong. You see, Towson is picked to finish in the cellar of the Colonial Athletic Association, a league of powerhouse squads like Rhode Island, James Madison and William & Mary. I don't care if plenty of experts are picking the Hoosiers to finish below even Minnesota in the Big Ten. Big Ten cellar dwellers will always beat CAA basement teams by 18 points or more. You know what? Let's start this season off with a bang. YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

#2 OHIO STATE -28.5 Marshall
The Professor hemmed and hawed on this one. Of course, OSU will win and win big, but they will certainly hold something back for their week 2 tilt against Miami. On the other hand, the vaunted Buckeye defense is plenty good enough to pitch a near shutout, meaning all the offense has to do is score four touchdowns and a field goal to cover. What to do? To decide, I called Marshall's most famous alum, Randy Moss. He told me to not bother writing a check and instead lay "straight cash, homey" on the Buckeyes. Who am I to argue with a man who has made his mark as an Inta Juice entrepreneur.

Minnesota -3 MIDDLE TENN ST.
Coming off another mediocre season, Minnesota players and coaches tell us of their unbridled enthusiasm and opimism for the upcoming campaign. They tell us they "have something special" and that "this team is really hungry." It's an annual tradition here in Gopher Nation. Ever since The Professor pledged his steadfast support of the Golden Gophers many years ago, the refrain has been the same. And many years, I'd fall for it. Not this year, my friends. The Professor isn't quite ready to give up on Minny like the rest of the nation, but he's certainly not going to buy any of the hype that Timmy B and his players are trying to sell to us. Nevertheless, Minnesota is playing a Sun Belt team in Middle Tennessee State. Yes, the Raiders won 10 games last year and would love to notch a win against a BCS team, but it ain't going to happen this week. The Gophers will actually stick to Brewster's "Pound the Rock" mantra now that idiot offensive coordinator Jedd Fisch is gone, and wear down the undersized MTSU defense. It won't be pretty and it won't be a resounding Minnesota win, but a win and a cover nonetheless.

Missouri -11.5 Illinois (Played in St. Louis)
The Ron Zook Postulate rears its ugly head this season in this neutral site rivalry game. As stated in the above syllabus, The Professor is wise to pick against Illinois in this game as the Illini are coached by Ron Zook. The Postulate would certainly not apply if Illinois was being coached by pretty much anyone else (with the possible exception of Tim Brewster). The Ron Zook Postulate and the Ron Zook Farewell Tour, both in the second years, get started off with a bang as Mizzou cruises to an easy win.

#24 UTAH -3 #15 Pittsburgh
This is essentially a pick-em game with the bookies giving Utah the three-point edge based on playing at home. But The Professor asks, "Is the atmosphere at Rice-Eccles Stadium worth even three points against a quality ranked team like Pitt?" To find out, I spoke with former Utah SID and current Minnesota SID Andy Seeley. Perhaps the best of the best in the U of M Athletic Communications office, Seeley backed his former employer, choosing to support his pick in song: "The Utes and Rice-Eccles are going rock all niii-iiight, and party ev-er-ry day! " Thanks, Andy, but anyone that actually enjoys and respects the musical stylings of KISS cannot be trusted.

MICHIGAN ST. -23 Western Michigan
In the past, The Professor has turned to Judd Heathcote for breakdowns of Michigan State games, but Judd is getting a tad senile these days. So, for this game, I'm turning to another former MSU coach who has a calm and soothing demeanor - John L. Smith. Take it away, John L.





How can you argue with that kind of passion? Go Sparty.

#14 PENN STATE -30.5 Youngstown State
It's been a rough week for the Nittany Lions. No, there weren't any major injuries to key players. And, no, Joe Paterno didn't poop himself during practice. Instead, the guy who serves as the Nittany Lion mascot was charged with public drunkenness. Looking to prove that Nittany Lions are not just a bunch of drunken idiots, expect Penn State to roll over YSU.

#10 IOWA -32 Eastern Illinois
Statistic time: In openers from 2001 to 2008, the Hawkeyes went 8-0 winning by a combined score of 317 to 44 or an average of 39.6 to 5.5. The Professor likes numbers and the numbers say "expect a rout."

MICHIGAN -3 Connecticut
Turns out, those extra practices really didn't help the Wolverines at all.

NOTRE DAME -11 Purdue
The Professor hates Notre Dame with a passion. There's just so much to hate. The arrogance even though the program has absolutely sucked for so many years. The NBC broadcast lovefests. Lou Holtz's lisp. Rudy. The BCS exemption. That stupid leprechaun. It's enough to make The Professor want to say:




#1 ALABAMA -37 San Jose State (Roll Tide Turkey GOW)
I bet against Alabama too many times last season and lost. Not this year. Not this week. Even without Mark Ingram, the Tide will roll over San Jose State. Say it with me now, ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY! What does that even mean, by the way?

Northwestern -5.5 VANDERBILT
There's nothing quite like an early-season Big Ten vs. SEC match-up to really get a barometer on conference supremacy. Oh. It's Northwestern-Vanderbilt. Never mind. Go Cats, I guess.

#7 TCU -13.5 #22 Oregon State
How can you pick against a team that just recently had the college football arrest of the year? You can't. Also, 13.5 points are an awful lot to give a fellow ranked team.

#12 Wisconsin -20.5 UNLV
It's time for The Professor's weekly lecture on the concept of schadenfreude, defined as "satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune." Nothing explains The Professor's feelings about the University of Wisconsin better then schadenfreude. To wit, when the Big Ten division alignments were announced this week, The Professor took great joy in Badger fans' complaining that they got screwed by being placed with Ohio State an Penn State. There really is nothing better than Bucky-related schadenfreude:






Go Rebels!

Navy -6.5 MARYLAND (Service Academy GOW)
Anchors Aweigh, my boys, Anchors Aweigh! In related news, check out this nice article on Navy QB Ricky Dobbs and the Midshipmen's quest for a perfect season.

#5 Boise State -2.5 #6 Virginia Tech (Played in DC)
Class time is running short, so I'll keep this short. This is Boise State's year to play BCS buster.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.