It's been a while since we've posted pretty much anything, so today we bring you video of child prodigies on the gridiron - Wondergirl Carly and Cody Paul. The Carly videos are from 1991 when she was the only girl in the 9-year-old's flag football league (and the No. 1 draft pick), while the Cody Paul video is from this year. Sadly, Carly didn't really go on to become a star in the sports world (damn you, puberty), and Cody will probably get caught up in a web of sports agents, overbearing parents, unscrupulous coaches and perhaps Guitar Hero III.
This article appears in the Dec. 13 edition of Let's Play Hockey.
In the Oct. 18 issue of Let’s Play Hockey, I brought you a not-quite-comprehensive list of what it means to be a hockey fan in Minnesota. Atop that list was the following item: “You might be a hockey fan in Minnesota if…you get ticked off when you hear Detroit call itself ‘Hockeytown USA.’”
Well, scratch that one off the list and move over Detroit. There’s a new Hockeytown USA in, well, town.
In last week’s edition of Sports Illustrated, Michael Farber dethroned the Motor City and handed over the mythical title to St. Paul. Detroit lost its designation as Hockeytown USA largely due to lackluster attendance at Red Wings games and waning interest in the sport of hockey in Michigan’s largest city.
St. Paul, Farber wrote, is hockey’s epicenter in the U.S. mainly because of the NHL’s Minnesota Wild, a franchise that has gone out of its way to be respectful of the game, its fans and the countless hockey players in the state.
Farber’s conclusion has certainly been greeted with pride here in the Twin Cities as it seems the nation now has been told what we have known all along: the game of hockey holds a special place in the hearts of countless Minnesotans – something you just don’t see in other areas of the country.
What Farber fails to recognize, however, is the inadequacy of naming just one Minnesota city as Hockeytown USA. Although it’s truly just a marketing slogan the Wild cooked up in their nod to grassroots hockey in Minnesota, “The State of Hockey” really does capture what the sport means to this state. Congratulations to St. Paul for its new moniker, but Hockeytown USA doesn’t just reside in Minnesota’s capital and second-largest city.
Here in Minnesota (not just in St. Paul), hockey is strongly woven into our fabric of life. Learning to skate, shoot and stickhandle is a rite of passage for countless Minnesota kids every winter in cities and towns across the state.
As SI’s lead NHL writer, Farber surely based much of his article on what he has witnessed and experienced at the Xcel Energy Center during Wild games. Obviously, without the Wild, St. Paul wouldn’t have received a sniff of gaining Hockeytown USA status.
The fact remains, however, that hockey in this state doesn’t begin or end with the Minnesota Wild. If the Wild were to pack their bags tomorrow, the game would thrive as it has since hockey’s origins in this country in the late 19th century.
Hockey in Minnesota is about trudging through the snow to reach the warming house at the local park. It’s about skipping school or work to go to or watch the state high school tournament. It’s about clearing your schedule on Friday and Saturday nights in the winter to watch the Gophers. It’s about hockey moms (and dads). It’s about rivalries. It’s about Mites, Squirts, PeeWees, Bantams and a nation-leading population of girls’ hockey players.
But let’s give credit to St. Paul where it’s due. Our capital city hosts the hockey equivalent to the Indiana state basketball and Texas state football tournaments. No one can argue that the Minnesota State High School Hockey Tournament at the Xcel Energy Center is the best prep hockey event in the nation, and perhaps the world.
In that same vein, St. Paul is home to several of the state’s perennial and historical high school hockey powers. From St. Paul Johnson’s four titles, to Hill-Murray’s 10 top three finishes, to Cretin-Derham Hall’s recent state championship, St. Paul is no slouch in the prep hockey ranks.
St. Paul is also home to possibly the most successful college hockey tournament in the country – the WCHA Final Five. The WCHA postseason tournament will make its eighth straight appearance at the X next March and regularly draws nearly 90,000 fans during the three-day event.
Obviously, St. Paul wouldn’t be the city we know today without the Wild and the X. Kudos certainly go to the entire Wild organization for the model franchise the have built while always staying referential to the state’s hockey culture.
All that being said, St. Paul just happens to be the largest of Minnesota’s many Hockeytowns. From tiny Taconite (pop. 315) to mighty Minneapolis (387,970) and every city, suburb, burg, hamlet municipality and whistle stop in between, we are a state of Hockeytowns.
There’s Eveleth – home of the U.S. Hockey Hall of Fame. The small Iron Range town (pop. 3631) certainly has a right to call itself a Hockeytown as both John Mayasich and John Mariucci called Eveleth home before going on to become synonymous with hockey in the state of Minnesota and beyond.
An historical powerhouse in high school boys hockey, the Eveleth Bears have made 13 appearances in the state high school tournament, winning five titles.
Finally and perhaps most notably, Eveleth is home to the world’s second-largest hockey stick. What more evidence is needed that Eveleth is a Hockeytown?
But what about Bloomington? The former home of the North Stars and the Met Center, the fourth-largest city in the state can claim Hockeytown status due largely to its 23 state tournament appearances between high schools Jefferson and Kennedy.
Minneapolis’ largest suburb is also home to the Bloomington Ice Garden, a training home of the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team. Several NHLers also call Bloomington home, including Mike Crowley, Ben Clymer, Mark Parrish, Erik Johnson, Tom Gilbert, Dan Trebil and Peter Mueller.
That’s impressive, but what about the hockey tradition in Roseau? A town of only 2,879, the home of the Rams has produced a staggering number of elite hockey players. From two U.S. Hockey Hall of Fame players (Aaron & Neal Broten) to seven Olympians to nine players with NHL experience to 17 current pro, junior or college players, Roseau is a virtual breeding ground for hockey talent.
It comes as no suprise that the Rams own a record 31 state tournament appearances, seven state titles and 51 state tournament wins.
If a powerhouse in hockey is what we’re after, then how about Edina? The adopted home of legendary coach Willard Ikola (he’s an Eveleth native), the Edina high school tradition is as strong as nearly any other. As a city, Edina has made 29 appearances in the state tournament, winning nine championships.
The home of the Hornets also boasts one of the largest youth hockey associations in the state (and maybe the country). Not only are the numbers strong, but Edina’s youth teams are forces to be reckoned with as evidenced by the 13 teams currently sitting in the top 10 in this week’s Let’s Play Hockey rankings.
By now, the residents of the original Hockeytown USA are fuming. Just four miles from the Canadian border, Warroad was Hockeytown USA 50 years before the Detroit Red Wings marketing gurus absconded with the name.
A town of just 1,739, Warroad has sent over 50 native sons to Divison I hockey programs since 1947 and is home to Olympians Gordon “Ginny” Christian, Billy Christian, Roger Christian, Dan McKinnon, Henry Boucha and Dave Christian.
Five Warroad natives – Henry Boucha, Billy Christian, Dave Christian, Roger Christian and Cal Marvin – are members of the U.S. Hockey Hall of Fame.
In addition, the Warroad Warrior boys’ hockey team has captured four state championships and has made 18 combined appearances in the state tournament. Clearly, the Warrior hockey tradition gives Warroad a claim to its long-held Hockeytown USA title.
Hockey tradition is alive and well in countless other communities throughout the State of Hockey.
There’s Baudette, home of former Gopher and current Phoenix Coyotes defenseman Keith Ballard and nearby Lake of the Woods – host of a pair of high school hockey games next Feb. 9, on Baudette Bay as part of the Second Annual Hockey Day Minnesota.
Don’t forget Duluth, home of several high school hockey powerhouses, including three-time champion Duluth East and current boys’ No. 1 Duluth Marshall. The seaport also boasts a rich college hockey tradition with the Minnesota Duluth Bulldogs and its most famous alum, future Hockey Hall of Famer Brett Hull.
Serving as the the southern portion of the state’s top hockey town, Rochester has, between four of its high schools, made 23 appearances at the state tournament, led by John Marshall’s six appearances and its shocking 1977 state championship.
Minneapolis can throw its name into the hat if only because it’s the home of the headquarters of Let’s Play Hockey. Seriously though, Minnesota’s largest city boasts a wealth of hockey amidst its nearly 400,000 residents. From the University of Minnesota men’s and women’s Golden Gophers to the U.S. Pond Hockey Championships on Lake Nokomis to the numerous outdoor rinks at parks throughout the city, Minneapolis is as much a hockey town as any.
Beyond Duluth and Eveleth, the Iron Range owns a plethora of hockey towns, including Don Lucia and Bill Baker’s Grand Rapids, the Michelettis’ Hibbing and Matt Niskanen, John Harrington and the Hanson Brothers’ (Jeff and Steve Carlson) Virginia.
Northern Minnesota boasts even more hockey towns with International Falls (seven state titles), Moorhead (eight top three finishes) and Cloquet (home of NHLers Jamie Langenbrunner, Derek Plante and Corey Millen).
On the road back to the Twin Cities, you may drive past St. Cloud, home of the Huskies and the National Hockey Center.
Back in the metro area, hockey hotbeds abound with Roseville and South St. Paul’s rich boys and girls hockey history, White Bear Lake’s pedigree of natives such as Brian Bonin, David Tanabe and Moose Goheen, and newer hockey towns like Eden Prairie and Woodbury.
Almost anywhere you travel in the State of Hockey, you’ll find a town where hockey is king.
St. Paul may have the ceremonial label of Hockeytown USA, but we all know hockey in this state is about more than just one town. Both Hockeytown USA and The State of Hockey are really just brilliant marketing slogans, but the Wild’s slogan gets credit for capturing what Minnesota is all about – a state chock full of hockey towns.
Hockeytown USA may have a new home, but thanks to Sports Illustrated, the residents of Warroad, Eveleth, Edina, Roseau and countless other Minnesota hockey towns, may release their own list of what it means to be a hockey fan in their city, leading off with, “You get ticked off when you hear St. Paul call itself ‘Hockeytown USA.’”
EDIT: Never mind. Wherever this guy is from is the new Hockeytown USA:
Air mic: Check.
Leg kick: Check
Mullet whip: Check
Spin/fall/recovery: Check.
Beer/dignity/pride/awareness of surroundings: M.I.A.
I first saw this on Awful Announcing and just had to pass it on. In the words of Cosmo Kramer, "C-c-c-cat fight." Not only is this video of a dust-up between a pair of college girls in the stands, it's in slow motion, with hypnotic music and outstanding captions. All in all, great cinematography and video editing.
= The following things really did happen at the Nov. 17 Minnesota vs. Wisconsin football game at the Metrodome.
• Drunk mid-50s Wisconsin woman in Badger windbreaker drunk in stairwell. Lost motor functions. Falling asleep in stairwell. Lied down. Still kept drinking her beer. • Wisconsin male fan projectile vomited in concourse trying to make it to the bathroom. • Press box PA guy mocked twice by two 10-year old boys including once with soft serve ice cream. • Media member (from badgerblitz.com) escorted out of press box after he appeared stoned or drunk. Got into brief altercation with Minneapolis Spokesman-Recorder reporter Charles Hallman. Sat in wrong seat twice. Slept entire second quarter until U of M Athletic Communications staffer had to awake him. When he woke up, he had a puddle of drool on his face. • Other random drunk Wisconsin fans. Random Iowa State girl that wanted the Cyclone score. • Gopher Director of Football Operations Randy Taylor firing up crowd all game, waving towel. • Gopher strength coach Mark Hill getting in the face of official. • Gopher Recruiting Coordinator Berezowitz running 60 yards after side judge not to mention running on field on numerous occasions and using his signature fake flag throw maneuver. Stat crew staffer yelling, "There Goes Berezowitz !" • Overcelebration on Gopher sidelines on numerous occasions. • Stat crew staffer naming random woman "Jizz Hair." • The season's final appearance of Teddy K. • U of M athletics money going to waste once again as Minnesota's Special Forces mat (think Twister or Jump to Conclusion) goes unused. • Someone leaving piles of propaganda in the press box, encouraging media members to vote for Patrick Reusse as the Turkey of the Year. Language looks suspiciously like that of the speech Roy Griak gave earlier that week. • Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema sprinting across the field at the end of the game to shake hands (albeit for a nanosecond) with Minnesota coach Tim Brewster. • Brewster's lengthy, daggger-throwing stare in Bielema's direction as the Badger boss sprinted away.
To listen to KFAN's Dan Barreiro opine on the drunken buffoonery that took place in and around the press box, go here and listen to the Nov. 18 Sunday Sermon (his take on the events of the day is near the end of the piece).
And now, for no good reason but for the fact that we love seeing and reading about Bucky getting his ass kicked, we bring you this and this:
Mr. Heavyfoot is all about helping out friends. In that spirit, we present you with a shameless promotion for a film called "The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep" which will be released this Christmas. Why does Mr. Heavyfoot care about this movie? Well, the sister of standout third baseman for Boom Goes the Dynamite Andrea Smith (Golden Valley, Minn.) worked on the film which is slated to be released this Christmas.
We're not sure what Dre's sister did for this film. From what we can glean from the interweb, we're guessing she was an assistant to director executive producer Jay Russell. We could certainly be wrong though. Russell, by the way directed "Ladder 49," "Tuck Everlasting," "My Dog Skip" and "End of the Line."
A fantasy fable aimed at family audiences along the lines of "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe," here's a quick synopsis of "The Water Horse": Based on the children's fantasy novel by British author Dick King-Smith. "The Water Horse" tells the story of a lonely boy in Scotland who finds a mysterious egg from which hatches a "water horse" -- a mythical sea monster of Scottish legend.
We're not sure why we laughed so hard when we first saw this, but we did. Maybe it's the French announcers. They talk funny. (Oh, keep your eye on the ballboy in the upper left.)
Well, Tim Brewster the esteemed leader of Gopher Nation and head coach of the Goof Troop football team, has now managed to do two things no other head football coach at the University has done before. First, there was the first-ever loss to a Division I-AA team. Embarrassing? Of course. Surprising? Nope.
Now, the Brew Crew has led the Goof Troop into the national rankings - ESPN's Bottom 10. Never in the sometimes-illustrious history of Golden Gopher football has a team entered these rankings. Minnesota sits firmly at No. 6, sandwiched between fellow 1-7 juggernauts Northern Illinois and Idaho. Embarassing? Of course. Surprising? Nope.
The question is, how is the provider of the Gopher Nation Stat of the Week going to spin the Maroon and Gold's 1-7 record, losses to Bowling Green, Florida Atlantic and North Dakota State, and the No. 6 spot in the Bottom 10?
Hello Gopher Nation. As you know last week we were so very, very tremendously close to winning our epic showdown between two of the most tremendously high-flying offenses in the Big Ten if not the nation. Those are the kind of offenses that you will see in Pasadena playing on championship dirt. Now our championship dirt is still in the process of materializing, but when we step foot into TCF Bank Stadium in 2009 you will some first-class championship dirt along with some first-class Rose Bowl caliber football.
Now on to the Gopher Nation Good News Stat of the Week. As you know we are welcoming our great friends from Fargo down to one of the great college football venues in the nation in the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome and I have had people ask me from all over the Twin Cities (and North Dakota) how they can get tickets for this week's game. I just tell them to call 1-800-UGOPHER and come join Gopher Nation for an epic showdown between two of the best programs in the Upper Midwest.
On to the stat: As we all know Appalachian State pulled off a tremendous upset against Michigan earlier in the year as the No. 1 team in the football championship subdivision. Well since then App. State has lost to Wofford and our friends from Fargo have taken over the No. 1 spot in the FCS poll. On top of that, recent developments have made the Ohio State Buckeyes the No. 1 team in the nation in 1-A. Now you remember how the Buckeyes barely escaped the Metrodome when they tangled with the Gophers earlier this year.
Well when we are done with North Dakota State this week, the Gophers will be the only team in the nation to have played a team ranked No. 1 in the FCS and in the BCS this year. Of course Michigan will join us on this esteemed list at the end of the year, but for now it is just the Goof Troop.
This week, we figured we would give a bonus stat as well: After this week, Minnesota will have faced four different teams this year that entered the contest with an undefeated record.
Miami (Ohio) was 1-0 Purdue was 4-0 Ohio State was 4-0 and is 7-0 North Dakota State is 6-0
So you see what a tremendously difficult task we have been up against this year. Rest assured when the end of the season comes, Gopher Nation will prevail over all these mighty obstacles.
Spoofs of those Bud Light Real Men of Genius commercials are all over the place (link). But the above video really speaks to our outright hatred of all things Notre Dame. "Charlie's Headset Was Broken!"
We know some of you may think that this 1-5 start may have dampened the spirits of Tim Brewster and Gopher Nation. We are here to tell it is quite the opposite, and that Gopher Nation is just fine, thank you. Each week in the spirit of Coach Brewster and Gopher Nation, we will bring you the nauseatingly positive stat that will help make excuses for the little detour that will lead Gopher Nation astray from the 2008 Rose Bowl.
This week's stat:
Minnesota's first six opponents have a combined record of 11-2 in their respective conferences. Those Owls, Red Hawks and Falcons are not to be taken lightly (We are surprised Patrick Reusse did not look at all those nicknames and say the Gophers pre-conference schedule is for the Birds, literally and figuratively).
Bowling Green - 1-0 in the MAC East Miami (Ohio) - 2-0 (Gopher Nation's proudest victory of the 2007 season) Florida Atlantic - 2-0 in the Sun Belt Purdue - 1-1 in the Big Ten Ohio State - 3-0 in the Big Ten Indiana - 2-1 in the Big Ten
We will be back with next week's fact of the week. Remember recruit 24/7/365 or was that Recruit/Retain/Reward. Whatever.
It's been way too long since we posted a video of a small child getting hurt in a hilarious fashion. We have a history of posting such videos. To wit: this and this. Enjoy.
It's been a long weekend - the Gophers got beat by Purdue despite some outstanding on-field cheering by director of football ops Randy Taylor; Cooper, the Heavyfoot dog, threw up what must have been a quarter of her body weight after a hard frisbee-catching workout; ok, that's about it. But that's enough to warrant the above video.
This morning may we present to you a pep talk from Jim Cantafio - Chad Henne's coach at Wilson High School (Pa.).
There really isn't anything to say about his speech other than:
"DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE DANNY? DO YOU DANNY? HUH DANNY? DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE DANNY? HUH?"
Here's your obligatory posting of a video to prove that Mr. Heavyfoot still does exist. Here's our list of excuses for not posting recently: just started a new job, actually have to work at said job, new job does not provide the material needed for satirical news stories, good friend got married last weekend, pregnant wife won't allow us to write about how big she's getting anymore, laziness, this computer we're typing on sucks, former co-workers are paranoid about seeing their name satirized, etc. etc....
Until we come up with something good to write about, we give you the above video of a halftime football game between some Pop Warner kids and NFL mascots. As the Heavyfoot community should know, we're big fans of all things mascot, so when we come across of a video or story of a mascot, we're going to post it. About the video, in the words of the taper, "Look at the bird. Focus in on the bird." The Atlanta Falcons mascot takes out the team's frustrating on- and off-field performance by absolutely clobbering any Pop Warner kid that gets in his way.
We know. We know. We're not providing the expected content on Mr. Heavyfoot that you have all come to, well, expect. We'd apologize, but Mr Heavyfoot's world is a little hectic right now. We're starting a new job next Tuesday. Mrs. Heavyfoot is very pregnant and emotional. And our dog is as hyperactive as ever. To make amends to you, the Mr. Heavyfoot community, we present a video of an on-field CFL fan promotion gone hilaariously wrong. Poor Ashley. She really wanted that trip. Well, she got one. (Now that's comedy.)
Who doesn't love water slides? And who doesn't love homemade water slides that begin on the roof of a two-story building and end with a 16-foot gap into a kiddie pool? And who doesn't love the fact that said waterslide was made by high school kids when their parents were away for 10 days?
In honor of Boom Goes the Dynamite falling on its face in the semifinals on Tuesday night, we give you a model and a fat guy falling. Like we needed a reason to post these videos.
We here at Mr. Heavyfoot have been big fans of Bob Barker and The Price is Right ever since our mom plopped us in front of the TV at 10 a.m., every morning while she did what moms do. Since we pride ourselves in being relative experts in the long-time game show, we know bad moves when we see them, from where to put the chip on the Plinko board to over-bidding on a product in Cliff Hangers to poor putting technique in Hole in One (or Two) to the pace at which you must bid during the Clock Game to risking it on the Showcase Showdown to...BIDDING $250,000 ON ONE SHOWCASE?!?!
Clearly we've been mailing it in during the last week or so. The tradition continues today as we take the easy route and just post another video that's made the rounds on the interweb for some time now. We'd apologize, but it's not like this is a subscription-based blog. Plus, no one we know has done or said anything remotely worth writing fake news about. C'mon Heavyfoot community, do something so we can do what we do best. Until then, we give you an idiot swinging a golf club at something that resembles a Molotov cocktail.
Since we're still in no mood to write fake news stories, we'll stick with the dog theme and give you a pair of videos of those dogs that decided to participate in the Tour de France. A kinda interesting note on the second video: the guy in white (Sandy Casar) who ran into the dog went on to win the stage.
As we sit just a little more than a stone's throw away from the collapsed I-35W bridge over Mississippi, we're just in no mood to write fake news. Instead, we're bringing back the video of the somewhat amazing frisbee dog Cooper catching...wait for it...wait for it...Frisbees!
There's the ongoing debate in the sex ed world about teaching kids abstinence vs. safe sex. That debate is now settled by showing kids the above video, resulting in today's youth being appropriately terrified of sex like we were.
University of Minnesota assistant men's tennis coach Urban Ljubic (Ljubljana, Slovenia) has found himself embroiled in a controversy stemming from complaints that the third-year member of the Golden Gopher staff has been calling people "you bitch." Numerous members of the U of M Intercollegiate Athletics Department, the United States Tennis Association (USTA) Northern Section and prospective student-athletes have reported that, for some reason, Ljubic chooses to use the insult immediately upon introducing himself.
Since joining the Golden Gophers prior to the 2006-07 season, Ljubic has managed to alienate several members of the athletic department with his abusive language.
"Urban has been here since last fall and he hasn't stopped saying 'you bitch' to me," U of M head women's tennis coach Tyler Thomson (Bismarck, N.D.) said. "I think he's a sociopath."
"From what I hear, Urban is a great tennis coach and a better person, but I'm having a hard time dealing with the disrespecful speech," Baseline Tennis Center director John Pratt said. "Maybe it's part of the Slovenian culture or something to say 'you bitch' to people upon meeting them. Maybe it's the language barrier. I don't know. What I do know is I didn't have to endure this abuse when Luciano (Battaglini of Brazil) came to the U."
According to complaints received by Mr. Heavyfoot, Ljubic's hurtful language has spread beyond the walls of the Bierman Field Athletic Building. The greater tennis community has also felt the wrath of the former University of Denver tennis standout's disparaging introductions.
"I don't know what his problem is," USTA Northern official Tim Kurtt (St. Paul, Minn.) said. "I introduced myself to him shortly before the Big Ten Championship this past April and he called me 'you bitch.' As a tournament referee for a lot of events, I've been called a lot of things in the heat of the moment, but this was during what I thought was a friendly introduction. Listen, Urban. I was a linesman at Wimbledon this year. No one calls me a bitch."
Tennis recruiting services have reported that Ljubic's inflammatory introductions are negatively impacting head coach Geoff Young's success in landing prospective Division I tennis players. As recruiting is one of Ljubic's primary duties as an assistant coach, student-athletes in the U.S. and beyond are constantly having to deal with his derisive talk.
"Geoff and Urban have been recruiting me for some time now," an anonymous high school tennis player said. "Urban is usually the one to call me. I answer the phone and it's always 'Hi. It's Urban, you bitch.' I never even get his last name. I have no idea why I still have Minnesota on my short list."
Rumors indicate that when pronounced in his native Slovenian language, Ljubic's name sounds like the phrase 'you bitch.' Those rumors remain unconfirmed.
When reached for comment at his home by Mr. Heavyfoot reporters, Ljubic introduced himself by saying, "Nice to meet you. My name is Urban, you bitch."
We apologize for our extended absence. Mr. and Mrs. Heavyfoot took a much-needed trip up north as a last-hurrah vacation before Baby Heavyfoot arrives on or about November 4. Speaking of Baby Heavyfoot, the above video is a small preview of what our child will likely be like - just replace the Vancouver Canucks with the Golden Gopher hockey team.
We apologize for our recent lack of entries, but we've spent the better part of the last two days outside catching softballs for the U of M softball camp. It's a rough life, but someone has to catch erratic junior high pitchers who seem to enjoy bouncing softballs in the dirt and directly into your shin.
To make up for our relative absence, we bring you former SNL'er Tracy Morgan who is clearly a lot funnier when under the influence of some mind-altering substance. "Ladies! My Mercedes! I'm the oo-chow!"
It's a slow news day in the Heavyfoot community (read: we're too lazy to write), so we bring you the magical comedic stylings of The Amazing Jonathan. Although he has his own show in Vegas, we're pretty sure most of you have not heard of him. As a bonus, in this first video, he's introduced by Alan Thicke. Alan Thicke!
http://view.break.com/323833 - Watch more free videos Golf club, check. Golf balls, check. Dock on the lake with multiple poles, check. Friends watching nearby and filming, check. A recipe for injury-related hilarity.
There was just no way this was going to work out well. Wait for it...wait for it...
We've already received enough criticism about no new updates over the weekend. Well, pthhbbtt, it was 80 and sunny all weekend. Though occasionally lazy, we're all about enjoying the outdoors when the Minnesota weather allows. Enjoying such things as throwing frisbees with our dog, Cooper. Mr. Heavyfoot is proud to introduce Cooper, The Kinda Amazing Frisbee Dog.
More videos of Cooper, The Kinda Amazing Frisbee Dog, here.
It's NBA Draft night and we couldn't be less excited. We'd be exceptionally more excited if the guys in the above video were back again this year to heckle Stephen A. Smith.
"I am Stephen A. Smith and these cheese doodles are delicious."
"Quite frankly, I think if you gave me some more cheese doodles, I might have another one."
"I don't know what I'm going to say, but it's going to be so much more important than this."
"Everything I say is important. I'm Stephen A. Smith."
In other NBA Draft-related news:
Fourth Annual KC's Draft Party Set For Jamestown Villas on Thursday
The Royal Order of KC's Draft Party has announced the Fourth Annual KC's Draft Party on Thursday, June 28, at the Jamestown Villas Townhouse Complex in Eden Prairie, Minn. Festivities will begin at 6 p.m. at 18117 Settlers Way. Scheduled to appear are draft experts 'The Veteran', 'The Professor', 'Corner Man', and 'Steve Stellar'.
"We're excited about the lineup we've put together for the 2007 Party," KC's Draft Party Sergeant at Arms Shane Sandersfeld said. "We know our audience is familiar with many of these experts from 'Pick 'Em Corner' during the college football season and we expect them to bring the same amount of consistent mediocrity to the Draft Party."
All those attending the draft will be contacted to contribute sustenance or libations to the Party. KC's famous burgers will be served as well as K-Hill's scrumptous dessert bars. Please contact the Royal Order for Draft Party favorites and to RSVP.
Before we bring you the latest update on the goings-on of Boom Goes the Dynamite softball (they finally won!), we thought we'd introduce you to Joseph, a beat boxer from the French version of American Idol - Nouvelle Star.
Not much to say about Joseph other than we tried to duplicate just a small portion of his routine and ended up drooling all over our shirt.
We're on a bit of a run with hockey videos, so we thought we'd bring back the legendary film of Minnesota North Star Bryan Bellows getting mercilessly heckled by Pittsburgh Penguins Kevin Stevens and Brian Trottier during the 1991 Stanley Cup Finals. The video is about a year old and is definitely not safe for your sterile work environments, but is oddly addicting. We can't stop watching this and we don't know why.
The ratings for the NHL would be drastically better if this bench cam (with audio!) was a part of every NHL telecast. We've spent plenty of time on hockey benches during NCAA games and can assure you that what you see and hear in this video is by no means rare.
We're assuming that earlier in the game, Bellows may have faked an injury in an effort to draw a penalty or something. Evidently, Stevens and Trottier didn't take too kindly to Bellows' acting, resulting in the following, ahem, conversation.
Stevens: Get off the f***ing ice, you f****t! Stevens: Bellows, you must be really hurt. Get off the ice. Get off the ice, you p***y. Trottier: You're the best. Bellows: Hey, you suck... Trottier: You're the f***ing best. Stevens: Lay on the ice like a little... Trottier: You're the f***ing best, Bellows. Stevens: You lay on the ice like a... Trottier: You're a f***ing superstar. Stevens: You lay on the... Trottier: You're the f***ing best, Bellows. Stevens: You lay on the ice like a little...You lay on the ice like a fraud, Bellows. P***y! Trottier: You f***ing woman. Unknown: ...you f***ing puke... Stevens: Get up, you f****t. Trottier: You f***ing got balls, you f***ing tit f***er! (laughter)
The above video is of the infamous Piestany Punch-Up. What is the Piestany Punch-Up, you ask? Well, it's a bench-clearing brawl between Canada (in white) and Russia (in red) at the 1987 World Junior Championships. Not surprisingly, it was the most violent melee in the history of international hockey.
The Soviets, out of medal contention, had nothing to lose. Team Canada was applying pressure, trying to increase a 4-2 lead and go for the gold medal. Then it happened. Canadian and Soviet players, fed up with the stickwork and running at each other, dropped their gloves and engaged in a 20 minute brawl that cleared the benches. With the fight out of control, the officials left the ice and the arena lights were shut off. The game was never resumed. Both teams were disqualified, and their records were erased.
Our personal favorite moments from the Canadian announcers call of the brawl: • "They've turned off the lights! BUT THAT DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING! THAT DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING!" • "I don't know how they are going to continue this game because in international hockey rules, this is NOT PERMITTED!" • "I don't want to sound like a Homer..."
It's Monday and we're starving for content, so here's a compilation video of some nice hockey hits from the 2006-07 NHL season. We're not embarrassed to call ourselves hockey fans at Mr. Heavyfoot. We'd be bigger fans if Gary Bettman would figure out that Versus is the network for the Tour de France, the America's Cup, various fishing rodeo shows, and the Great American Barbecue Cook-off, not the best professional hockey league in the world. We'd also be bigger fans if Versus was included on our Dish Network package.
Hordes of single women that work in the Bierman Field Athletic Building are distraught this week as tall, dark and handsome assistant women's tennis coach Luciano Battaglini announced that his final day at the University of Minnesota will be Friday, June 29. A native of Brazil, Battaglini will be leaving his post at the U of M to become the new Carleton College head women's tennis coach. He will also serve as an assistant professor in the physical education, athletics and recreation department at Carleton. Battaglini will be honored at a Brazilian Carnival-themed Going-Away Party at the Library Bar & Grill in the near future.
"I can't believe Luciano is leaving and I never got my picture taken with him," Assistant Athletic Communications Director Michelle Train said. "Working in this office with all these homely guys, seeing Luciano in the hallways of Bierman has been a breath of fresh air. Who am I going to swoon after when he leaves? Geller? Romo? Pffft."
Battaglini's supervisor, Golden Gopher women's tennis head coach Tyler Thomson, expressed a hint of sadness with losing his assistant, but indicated that perhaps losing Battaglini would result in a more conducive office environment.
"Listen, I love Looch to death, but I get nothing done when we're both in our offices," Thomson said. "I mean, the parade of single women who come into our suite just to bat their eyes and say hi to Looch was getting ridiculous. I realize he's exotic and all that, but sheesh, it was a daily cavalcade of ladies in here."
With Battaglini's last day just a week away, single women from various offices in the Bierman Building are banding together in an effort to convince the swarthy and alluring Brazilian to stay at the U of M. Several women have organized into the Gopher Ladies for Luciano (GoLaLu) to raise funds to keep the swarthy and alluring tennis coach on staff at the U of M.
"Tall, dark and handsome are not exactly the words that come to mind when talking about the men of the Bierman Building," Golden Gopher Fund staffer Jessica Fleischmann said. "Luciano changed that and now he's leaving. I'm devastated. That's why I started GoLaLu. I'm not going to let all those Portuguese language classes we've been taking go to waste without a fight. Luciano, nós amamos te."
"I have a boyfriend, but he knows I'm smitten with Luciano," photographer Alicia Jerome said. "I could listen to him talk for hours with that adorable accent of his. Don't leave, Luciano. Listening to Brad James speak Australian just isn't the same."
Not every single woman in Bierman Building has joined forces with GoLaLu, indicating Battaglini's appeal extends only so far.
"Luciano is just not arrogant enough for me," Administrative Specialist Meghan Potter said. "Plus, I'm pretty sure he's never once played hockey. Those are pretty much my standards for a man and he just doesn't meet them. Good luck at Carleton, Luciano."
"I think Looch has Adonis potential, but he's no Steve Geller," Golden Gopher Fund donor coordinator Becky Hennen said.
In an effort to prove that Mr. Heavyfoot isn't all about Boom Goes the Dynamite, Athletic Communications, Baby Kurtt or videos of children getting hurt/swearing/getting really hurt, we give you the above video from the reality television show Britain's Got Talent. Now we're not necessarily big fans of reality TV, but we know a good little heartwarming story when we see one, even if it does involve a chubby guy with really bad teeth (par for the course in England) singing opera.
Here's the background on the video from buddytv.com: "This was Paul Potts initial audition, but he actually went on to the finals and won the entire competition earlier this week. The voting wasn't even close; Paul won in a landslide....Adding to the legend, Paul Potts is an admittedly nervous man, lacks self-confidence, and was unsure if he would even show up for the auditions on that fateful day. He was over 30,000 pounds in debt prior to appearing on the show and didn't know if he'd ever sing opera again. Paul's luck has turned, however, and likely for good. The grand prize for winning Britain's Got Talent is 100,000 pounds, and not only does Paul receive the massive payday, but Simon Cowell immediately signed Potts to a recording contract on Simon's very own label."
This video has been around the interweb for some time now, but well, we're hurting for content these days. Anyway, watch as pro skateboarder Billy Marks bounces ping pong balls into cups. Sounds riveting, we know, but imagine the dedication to come up with the various bouncy ideas, film them again and again until the ball finds the cup and then edit the hours and hours of footage you have. Just the sort of job for a pro skateboarder...or a college student.
As an expecting father and the son of an awesome dad, we give you this tear-jerking (seriously, grab a Kleenex) music video of Dick & Rick Hoyt. Courtesy of SI's Rick Reilly: "Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars - all in the same day."
Happy Father's Day, Dad. You may not have pushed me in a wheelchair 85 times for 26.2 miles, but you've taught me what it means to be a truly great dad.
And now back to your regularly scheduled Mr. Heavyfoot content. This video has nothing to do with fathers, unless it was dad who taught this cute little girl those cute little phrases.
Another small piece of Mr. Heavyfoot's childhood has gone quietly into the night. Following such beloved legends as Mr. Hooper, Mr. Rogers and Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Wizard (aka Don Herbert) passed away Tuesday at the age of 89. A native of Waconia, Minn., Mr. Wizard was easily one of our favorite shows, right along with "You Can't Do That on Television," "3-2-1 Contact," "The Electric Company" and of course "Captain Kangaroo" and "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood."
Here's the obit from the Minneapolis Star Tribune.
Rest in peace, Mr. Wizard. Bill Nye, the so-called Science Guy, can't hold a candle to you.
A vast majority of Mr. Heavyfoot readers visit this site for updates on everyone's favorite slow-pitch softball team - Boom Goes the Dynamite, the two-time CSC Champion. Although one might be led to believe that the team is named after the powerhitting evident throughout the lineup, Boom actually is an homage to one of the greatest YouTube videos of all time.
With Boom's second session of the 2007 softball season set to begin tonight, we thought we'd reintroduce you to Brian Collins of the Ball State University student TV station. Our personal favorites of the video: "Oh no," "I'm so sorry" and "...passes it to the man...."
Continuing in the Mr. Heavyfoot tradition of laughing at kids getting injured in hilarious fashion, we give you the following two videos. We are aware that Mr. Heavyfoot's wife is currently pregnant and that sometimes karma can be a bitch. Oh well.
Dodgeball just isn't dodgeball without an undersized child getting absolutely rocked in the face by an oversized ball.
This one's a classic. The odds that the timing worked out the way it did must be astronomical.
We were never very good at RBI Baseball on the old-school Nintendo, so this video really boggles our mind. How did this guy re-enact, pitch-for-pitch, the last inning of Game Six of the 1986 World Series with such amazing attention to detail? How long did it take him to sync the video game with the Vin Scully call of the game? Finally, how did he keep his mom from disturbing him while he did this in his parents' basement?
• Actual entries in the police report from the Star Tribune West: - Carver County, April 27 - A caller on Mockingbird Lane in Waconia said a 29-year-old man was screaming gibberish. The caller believed the man was speaking Latin and that he was possessed by demons. Police were unable to find the man. - Chanhassen, May 3 - A caller in the 3800 block of Leslee Curve said two squirrels were blocking the door to a residence. • Knocked-up wife Casey Kurtt attempted to knock out her husband Kevin on Wednesday, firing a softball to the expectant father's cheek bone/jaw. Casey claimed she saw Kevin look up at her before throwing, while Kevin asserts he never once made eye contact with his sweetums. Kevin is now sporting a small bruised bump on the right side of his exceedingly attractive face. "Softballs are anything but," Kevin said. • Pearl the Landlord says, I want my money!!! • Jamie Kennedy has a small bathroom break he has to do. • If you haven't seen Pizzagate at Fenway Park from earlier this season, you haven't lived. Kudos go to the NESN announcers who really rose to the occasion. Stay classy, Boston. - Part One - Part Two • Finally, that guy needs a hug.
From time to time, Mr. Heavyfoot will introduce you to a musical act we find entertaining, unique or just plain good. Today, we give you Ronald Jenkees:
While I’ll be the first one to tell you I’m different, there’s nothing wrong with me or the way I am! I understand some people just need to speculate things (that’s normal) but there’s nothing wrong with my brain (LOL) and I’m definitely not a savant (go check out some Beethoven for that, folks). I realize that some will think I’m fake, some will think I’m too weird, and maybe a few folks will actually digg my jams.
