Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 10 Smart Money Picks

What does it say about the Pick 'Em Corner panelists when, at the top of the current Pick 'Em Corner standings stand a pair of hockey guys in The Professor and Strickly Cash, followed closely by The Host, a noted degenerate gambler? What it says is that while The Professor, Strickly Cash and The Host are making money for their constituents hand over fist, the remaining Pick 'Em Corner panelists are frauds...and the Minnesota-centric Pick 'Em Corner knows its frauds (from Tim Brewster as football coach, to Joel Maturi as AD, to a pair of Pick 'Em Corner panelists as SIDs, Minnesota is Fraud U).

Now that I've set up the bulk of Pick 'Em Corner for a heavy dose of schadenfreude (look it up), it's time for Rivalry Week. The Professor is admittedly nervous as the Big Ten has decided to close up shop for the holiday season (save a couple of season-ending non-conference tilts). The Big Ten is obviously The Professor's forté, so much so that The Professor was just honored with the mythical 2009 Pick 'Em Corner Big Ten Game Prognosticator of the Year Award.

With no real Big Ten games on the docket, however, The Professor's confidence is waning. But fear not Pupils. If nothing else, you can always bet your current or future childrens' college tuition on The Professor's Lock of the Week (now 9-1).

The Professor's lecture is getting long, so without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and give thanks for The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.

Texas -21 TEXAS A&M
I have absolutely no faith that the Aggies will pull off the upset in this one, but this Texas A&M offense is dangerous enough to keep things close for a while in this one. Of course, the Aggie offense is just as capable of crapping the proverbial bed, so beware laying lots of cash on this one.

CINCINNATI -20 Illinois
The Ron Zook Postulate makes this an easy pick for The Professor, but does anybody really think Illinois is going to derail Cincinnati's BCS bowl bid? Of course not, and neither does the Illini. In a strange bit of double-booking, the Ron Zook Farewell Tour (wishful thinking, I know) and the Brian Kelly Big-Time Coaching Gig Audtion hits Cincy in the same game. Two for the price of one. What a deal. Wow, Brian Kelly would look good in Maroon and Gold.

Alabama -10 AUBURN
Not sure when I'm going to learn my lesson, but once again last week, I bet against Bama and lost...big. Never again, I say. I know Gene Chizik has done a fine job at Auburn, but c'mon, the guy was at Iowa State last year. You don't go from Ames to the Iron Bowl and expect to stay within 10 of a national championship favorite. Plus, it's Thanksgiving weekend, so how can anyone resist saying The Host's favorite phrase...ROLL! TIDE TURKEY!

Nebraska -10 COLORADO
This game means absolutely nothing for the Huskers aside from getting ready for Texas in the Big XII title game. It means a bit more for 3-8 Colorado, but the Buffs are too bad to overcome the Black Shirt Defense.

Pittsburgh -1.5 WEST VIRGINIA
A nice 'stache beats a nice coach by two points or more every time.

BOISE STATE -13 Nevada
The over-under for this game is 70. I'd take the over, but if you can figure out how this game will shake out, be my guest. In the end, Smurf Turf coupled with BCS bowl hopes gives BSU the nod here. Wow, Chris Peterson would look good in Maroon and Gold.

Clemson -3 SOUTH CAROLINA
It's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, Part I.

Mississippi -7.5 MISSISSIPPI STATE
It's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, Part II.

OKLAHOMA -10 Oklahoma State
You hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! No analysis needed here. If The Professor's record in locks of the week isn't enough, then you must not like money.

TCU -43.5 New Mexico
I got scared off by a pair of huge spreads last week and lost...big. Not again, especially with a TCU team hoping to impress the voters and computers. Wow, Gary Patterson would look good in Maroon and Gold.

Virginia Tech -13.5 VIRGINIA
The Al Groh Theorem makes this an easy pick for The Professor.

FLORIDA -24.5 Florida State
I doubted you last week, Urban, Tim, et al, and for that I sincerely and deeply apologize. Not this week. Plus, Bobby Bowden isn't quite sure what year it is anymore, so he's obviously not going to know what to do in this rivalry game.

Arizona -3 ARIZONA STATE
Maybe there's a correlation about teams that wear maroon and gold and bad offenses because the Devils move the ball about as well as Brewster's Boys...and that's saying something in the offense-happy Pac-10.

BYU -7.5 Utah
A Mormon-led squad won't be hung over from Thanksgiving like a non-Mormon-led squad will.

WASHINGTON -25 Washington State
The Never, Ever Take Washington State Law makes this an easy pick for The Professor.

LSU -3.5 Arkansas
I'm tired of picking LSU and losing. That's the only reason to go with WOO, PIG SOOEY.

STANFORD -8.5 Notre Dame
The Charlie Weis Farewell Tour hits Palo Alto and the Fat Man isn't allowed to stay out west and recruit after the game. Writing on the wall, anyone? Anyway, there are wayyy too many distractions to expect the Golden Domers to stay within 10.

GEORGIA TECH -7.5 Georgia
I absolutely love picking the Ramblin' Wreck each week, even if early in their games, they make me nervous with their slow-starting ways. Plus, Georgia is still reeling from the death of Uga VII, so take the Jackets in this one.

USC -13 ucla
USC can't lose a third embarrasing game in a month, can they? No, they can't.

Navy -9.5 HAWAII
Anchors aweigh, my boys, anchors aweigh! Wow, Ken Niumatalolo would look good in Maroon and Gold.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen. Happy Thanksgiving, Pick 'Em Corner Prognosticators, The Professor's Pupils and devoted Pick 'Em Corner viewers.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 9 Smart Money Picks

The Professor would like to apologize to Pick 'Em Corner panelists and fans - and especially The Professor's Pupils - for the absence of his full analyses in the last few weeks. The Professor just doesn't have the time to speak with his multitude of contacts within the college football world. Why? Well, The Professor is wanted. The Professor is needed. With the success of the Smart Money Picks again this season, The Professor has been in great demand on the lecture circuit, especially in the quaint towns of Atlantic City, Reno and Las Vegas.

Given the current economic climate, who can blame the betting public on pinning their hopes on a proven gambling expert like The Professor. Sure, some bettors have probably been swayed by Stickly Cash's gaudy overall record, but what does anybody outside of Combined Locks, Wis., really know about this Pick 'Em Corner rookie? It is for that reason that The Professor would like to invite all of this week's Pick 'Em Corner viewers to attend a free lecture by The Professor tonight at Jackpot Junction in Morton, Minn.

Can't make it? Well, you're in luck, for these are The Professor's Abridged Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Ohio State -12 MICHIGAN
It's Hate Week and The Professor is going to pick the team he hates less in this one. OSU arrogance is bad, but the Michigan arrogance coupled with a jackass for a coach and an overall annoying athletic program is enough for me.

IOWA -9.5 Minnesota
Last week, The Professor got behind the Brew Crew in the interests of unintentional comedy. Then, The Professor attended that horrendous game at TCF Bank Stadium. It is painfully obvious to me now that the Gopher football program has turned from persistently mediocre with a couple of big wins under Glen Mason, to two and a half seasons of top-notch unintentional comedy under Timmy B, to the complete and total farce that passes as Brewster's program today. I don't care if Ferentz trots out The Host's mom to play QB this weekend, the Hawkeyes will roll. In fact...you hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

MIAMI (FL) -19.5 Duke
Last week, The Professor said, "Any time at Pick 'Em Corner that you have a chance to take Steve Stellar's favorite club (sorry, Towson), you do it." I'm ignoring that advice this week and I don't know why. How's that for instilling confidence in the betting public?

ALABAMA -37.5 UT-Chatanooga
The Professor hates big spreads. The Tide will roll is this one, but the Mocs aren't the pushover that they seem. Look at this game as Bama's chance to get Ingram some early yards for his Heisman hopes, but will sit the back in the second half with the game in hand. When that happend, the Mocs will score just enough points to cover.

FLORIDA -44.5 Florida International
Kudos to Alabama and Florida for scheduling these quality opponents this late in the season. Sheesh. I'm not taking the Gators, partly for that reason, partly for the large spread and partly because they don't score.

Oklahoma -6.5 TEXAS TECH
Oklahoma is 1-4 this season outside the state of Oklahoma and they're a 6.5 point favorite in this tilt. Something doesn't add up. Take the Raiders.

tcu -31.5 WYOMING
As mentioned above, The Professor hates big spreads. But this game is a different story from the Alabama and Florida games. While the Tide and Gators are just biding their time until they meet in the SEC title game, TCU must do anything and everything it can to be a BCS Bowl team. That means blowing out the lowly Cowboys.

NOTRE DAME -6 uconn
The Professor has picked the Irish twice this season. What happened both of those times? He lost. Lesson learned.

BYU -10.5 air force
Off we go, into the wild blue yonder!

Penn State -3.5 MICHIGAN STATE
This one is a conundrum for The Professor. I'm 4-2 when picking MSU and 2-0 when picking Sparty's opponent. On the other hand, I'm 3-2 when picking PSU and 1-2 when picking the Nittany Keiser's opponent. That small difference is just enough to make me go with Cornerman's Crew in this one.

Wisconsin -7 NORTHWESTERN
Damn this one hurts to pick, but seven points is just too few for me to go with my heart and take the Wildcats. You bump that spread up to 14 or so, and I'll gladly switch my pick to NU. If I was allowed a second lock, this would be it. Wow, Iowa and Wisconsin as my locks. I'm so ashamed of myself.

Purdue -3.5 INDIANA
The Professor is 5-2 this season when picking the Hoosiers and 1-2-1 when picking the Boilers. Need I explain my pick more?

STANFORD -7.5 california
I'm done picking against the Cardinal. Plus, the Stanford Tree is so much more entertaining than the Oski, which seems perpetually stuck in the 1950s. If it sounds like I'm repeatiny myself a lot from last week to this week, it's because I am. Plus, I have to prepare for my lecture.

TEXAS -27.5 kansas
It's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game.

Oregon -6 ARIZONA
This video made this pick an easy one.

Thus concludes The Professor's Abridged Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

TMB wants to know

It's Come to This: Gopher Radio Network Giving Away Radios So Someone Will Listen to Dave Lee

In what can only be labeled a sign of declining revenue due to sagging ratings, the Gopher Radio Network, a division of Learfield Sports, sent an e-mail to Gopher football season ticket holders Thursday, offering a free Live Sports Radio for Minnesota's final home game this Saturday against South Dakota State. Reports out of Plano, Texas, the home of Learfield Sports, indicate that the free radio offer is an attempt to woo back listeners to the Gopher Radio Network who have grown disillusioned since Dave Lee became the team's play-by-play voice in 2002.

"I'll be honest with you. I find Dave Lee as unlistenable as the next guy," Stan Koenigsfeld, Learfield Sports Executive Vice President for the Heartland Region, said. "But apparently he's the best play-by-play guy the people at the Gopher Radio Network can come up with. I must admit, it doesn't say much for the radio talent in the Twin Cities, but at least now, with this great offer from the folks at Live Sports Radio, people won't have to pay to listen to him during the game."

Ironically, over the past eight seasons, countless Minnesota football fans have uttered the words, "You couldn't pay me to listen to Dave Lee call Gopher football." Those fans have now been proven somewhat prophetic, thanks to this free radio offer.

The Live Sports Radios were previously available for purchase at home football games for $20 each. According to documents obtained by Mr. Heavyfoot, the Gopher Radio Network and Live Sports Radio pushed for this offer after discovering a ridiculous surplus of Minnesota-branded radios in a Mariucci Arena supply room.

"We don't really want to offer free radios to our season ticket holders, but our hands are tied on this one," a Gopher Radio Network staffer said on condition of anonymity as they were not authorized to speak to members of the media. "We have so damned many of these radios it's not even funny. But look at it this way. Here's your chance to listen to Dave Lee and those other two guys live and free from your seat at TCF Bank Stadium. Never mind that Dave Lee is the worst play-by-play guy in the history of sports. It's free! Never mind that listening to Dave Lee call the game, with NO DELAY mind you, may make it impossible for you to actually follow what's happening on the field. It's free! Did I mention it's free?"

Ratings for Gopher football on the radio have been declining ever since Lee took over the play-by-play duties from the legendary Ray Christensen, the voice of Golden Gopher football and men's basketball from 1951-2001. Lee may be perhaps best known for his complete and utter inability to describe what is happening on the field in crucial moments, from the infamous "Touchdown Ellerson!" call against Northwestern in 2003, to the thoroughly confusing botched punt call against Wisconsin in 2005, to the "...throw across the middle...It's caught!...The Gophers have it!...Touchdown Gophers!" call in describing the game-clinching 59-yard touchdown on a wild deflection from Nick Tow-Arnett to Duane Bennett in Minnesota's 42-34 win over Michigan State on Oct. 31, 2009.

The Gopher Radio Network did see a huge spike in ratings early in the second half of Minnesota's home-opening game against Air Force on Sept. 12, leading some to believe that radio listeners were willing to give Lee another shot. Unfortunately for Lee and Learfield Sports, that wasn't the case.

"Our ratings went through the roof during the Gophers' first offensive series in the second half against Air Force," the anonymous Gopher Radio Network staffer said. "We were ecstatic. We thought with the excitement of the new stadium and the new season, our fans listening to the game on the radio were giving us another chance to win them back. Turns out they were just tuning in to hear Ray Christensen again. After that series, our ratings went back down to where they've been since 2002. What does it say about our current radio situation that people would rather listen to an 82-year-old man than Dave Lee? Don't answer that."

In related news, reports out of Plano indicate that the executives at Learfield Sports are pushing the Gopher Radio Network management to dump Lee in favor of this guy:

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 8 Smart Money Picks

The Professor's sabbatical continues this week, resulting in another edition of The Professor's Abridged Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

MINNESOTA -15.5 South Dakota State
I don't want to do it, but I must pick the Gophers over a FCS team. Plus, the unintentional comedy provided by a Brewster-led team is enough reason to pull for the Maroon and Gold and another season of Brewster-ball. Plus-plus, everybody is saying Brewster doesn't have a signature win. This would qualify, wouldn't it? Oh, it wouldn't?

PENN STATE -25 Indiana
I trusted the Nittany Keisers against Ohio State and they failed to show up...at home. Where's the respect for the Hoosiers? Right here with The Professor's endorsement, that's where.

ILLINOIS -4.5 Northwestern
Speaking of respect, can someone explain this line to me? Illinois beats a pair of mediocre to bad teams in Michigan and Minnesota. Meanwhile, Northwestern pulls the upset of the year in the Big Ten. And Illinois is a 4.5 favorite? I don't get it.

WISCONSIN -8.5 Michigan
I really can't believe I'm doing this, but...you hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! I've always said it needs to be a special situation for me to pick Bucky. Well, this is it. Meeeechigan is flat-out bad and, sadly, Wisconsin is actually on its way to a 10-2 season. But now The Professor has a conundrum. Does he cheer with his heart and still pull for Michigan? Or does he cheer for Wisconsin to stay atop the Pick 'Em Corner Lock of the Week standings? For the record, I'll be cheering for the lock, not the Badgers...if that makes any sense.

Michigan State -2.5 PURDUE
I hemmed and hawed with this one, but in the end decided that Sparty would kick Purdue Pete's ass in a fight (as long as Pete wasn't allowed to use his sledgehammer) to the tune of three points or more.

NAVY -17 Delaware (Rotel Armed Services Game)
Anchors aweigh, my boy, anchors aweigh!

Nebraska -4.5 KANSAS
It's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game.

OHIO STATE -16.5 Iowa
I know Iowa is decimated with injuries and I know Ohio State looked pretty darn good last week against Penn State, but I just can't see the still very formidable Hawkeye defense letting the Buckeyes pull away by 17 points or more.

CALIFORNIA -3 Arizona
Stay far, far away from this game...or any game in the muddled Pac-10 for that matter. I'm taking Arizona because Mark May on College Football Live just told me how much of a pleasant surprise they've been this season. I don't care much for Mark May, but I don't care much for this game either. Mark May, don't let me down.

USC -10.5 Stanford
I'm done picking against the Cardinal. Plus, the Stanford band is so much more entertaining than the USC band, which seems to know only two songs.

Alabama -12.5 MISSISSIPPI STATE (Butterball Roll Tide Turkey Game)
I take a week off from picking the Tide and I get screwed. Forgive me, Almighty Saban, for I have sinned. ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!

GEORGIA -4 Auburn
[Analysis redacted.]

Miami (FL) -3 NORTH CAROLINA
Any time at Pick 'Em Corner that you have a chance to take Steve Stellar's favorite club (sorry, Towson), you do it.

OKLAHOMA ST. -4 Texas Tech
It's a game between a pair of teams that are nowhere near as good as they were last year. That being said, Texas Tech 2009 has fallen farther from their 2008 level than Oklahoma State 2009 has.

PITTSBURGH -7 Notre Dame
Tale of the tape time:
Mustache vs. Gut.....Advantage 'stache

Thus concludes The Professor's Abridged Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 7 Smart Money Picks

The Professor is on sabbatical this week from providing full breakdowns. My sincerest apologies to all of The Professor's Pupils. Keep in mind these picks are being made under the influence of Grain Belt Premium.

Wisconsin -10.5 INDIANA
I thrive when picking the Hoosiers and can't handle picking the Badgers.

MICHIGAN STATE -20 Western Michigan
MSU isn't as bad as their loss to Minnesota last week makes it seem.

MICHIGAN -6 Purdue
No team that loses to Ron Zook is worthy of being picked the week after.

MINNESOTA -6.5 Illinois
No team that is coached by Ron Zook is worthy of being picked, regardless of last week's result.

IOWA -16.5 Northwestern
The blonde on the couch across from me likes the Wildcats.

MIAMI (FL) -13.5 Virginia (The Geller Game)
The Ron Zook Corellate also apples to Al Groh.

Kansas -2.5 KANSAS STATE
Good KU offense overcomes bad KU defense by 2.5 points or more.

NOTRE DAME -11 Navy (Rotel Aremed Services Game)
Anchors aweigh!

PENN STATE -3.5 Ohio State
Love the Nittany Keisers in this one.

ALABAMA -7.5 lsu (Butterball Roll Tide Turkey Game)
Two bad offenses means 7.5 points are just too much.

Oregon -6.5 STANFORD
Consider this The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, presented by National American University. Vegas is just trying to give money away here.

FLORIDA -35 Vanderbilt (The I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Big Spread Game)
Only because it's a whole lot more fun cheering against Florida than it it to cheer for them.

CINCINNATI -16.5 uconn
My Reno, NV insider likes the Huskies (I'm not kidding. I really have a Reno insider.)

Oklahoma -5 NEBRASKA
I saw some of that ISU-NU game. That's enough for me to pick the Sooners.

usc -10 ARIZONA STATE
Ever seen an angry Spartan?

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.