Pick 'em Corner - The Professor's Week 2 Smart Money Picks
I could sit here and boast about The Professor’s week 1 Pick ‘em Corner performance. I could brag about posting the best week 1 record among panelists who missed on their lock of the week. I could remind you about The Professor’s trio of Pick ‘Em Corner Regular Season Handicapping Championships. I could crow about the money that all the money that The Professor’s Pupils have made on the backs of The Professor’s Smart Money Picks over the years.
But I won’t.
Instead, I’ll let you, the discerning betting public, decide who you’d rather trust with your hard-earned money:
- Week 1 leader Wick to Click: A mere flash in the pan who participates in PeC merely to remember her bygone best days in Dinkytown.
- Money Traen: Puh-leeze. She doesn’t know a football from a foot rub, which incidentally, she’s received an ample amount of from PeC rookie Larry the Money Guy (unofficial moniker)
- Steve Stellar: Ok, you can trust Stellar. He’s good people. Did you know he has an Appreciation Society devoted to him on Facebook?
- Mrs. Money: See Money Traen (and replace Larry the Money Guy with Mr. Money)
- Strickly Cash: He’s still around?
- C-Noth: He’s in PeC solely to support his lifelong addiction to cheese and subpar Wisconsin beer (see: Milwaukee’s Best)
- Aaron Seehusen: Aaron Who-husen?
- Bob Keiser: The Professor respects his elders. Welcome to the panel, Mr. Keiser.
- KCKCKCK: This panelist will turn to his background as a long-time BTN employee with access to the brightest minds in college football. What he’s not telling you is he’s really just a low-level production assistant charged with bringing Dave Revsine his Earl Gray tea every morning.
- Lockrem’s Locks: See Bob Keiser. Also see his sub-.500 record last season.
- Mr. Money: Too early to tell, but he’s from Iowa, so he clearly cannot be trusted.
- The Cornerman: He’s got bigger fish to fry now that he’s Corner Office Man.
- The Host: Can a guy who gets on average 2 hours of sleep be trusted with your betting money? No he cannot. Welcome to fatherhood, Host.
- The Veteran: See Bob Keiser. Also see him featured on a commercial for the 312 Café in downtown Excelsior – playing daily at your local movie theater.
- Larry the Money Guy: Too early to tell, but an 8-12 opening week says he doesn’t have beginner’s luck on his side.
- The Line Adjuster: This guy submitted picks for four games. That’s not half-assed. That’s 20 percent-assed.
- Special G, Moneyline Maus, Foreman’s Forecast, auto-MATT-ic: When they can’t be bothered to provide week 1 picks, you shouldn’t bother trusting them if/when they do.
The choice is clear, Bet Smart ®.
So sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor’s Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.
Florida -3 MIAMI (FLA.)
I trust the Miami Football Hurricanes as far as I can throw Steve Stellar. Hint: Not very far.
BALL STATE -7 Army (Service Academy Game)
After a disappointing absence in week 1, The Professor’s Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network, is back. Obviously, I’m taking the Long Gray Line in this one as should each of my panelists … IF YOU LOVE AMERICA.
Oregon -21.5 VIRGINIA
Virginia is a mediocre team in a mediocre conference. Oregon is an elite team in an pretty good conference. The Cavaliers won’t know what hit them after the Ducks run roughshod all over Charlottesville,
GEORGIA -3 South Carolina
In a battle of a pair of teams licking their wounds after disappointing week 1 results, I like the home-field advantage and the better quarterback the Dogs will trot out. Also, it’s a “Win one for the Gipper” kind of week for teams with dog mascots, and especially teams with bulldog mascots, as the nation mourns the loss of Butler mascot Blue II. Expect a spirited performance by Uga IX and company in honor of Blue II.
Texas -7 BYU
So the Horns steamroll Mew Mexico State and BYU loses to aforementioned Virginia in week 1, and Texas is only favored by a TD? What gives? Admiral Ackbar, take it away:
OKLAHOMA -20.5 West Virginia
The Mountaineers will lose this game, but last year’s 787 yards compiled against the Sooners has to count for at least a cover, doesn’t it?
USC -14.5 Washington State
I’m taking the Cougars here for a few reasons. First, who doesn’t love Cougars? Amirite, KCKCKCK? Second, Wazoo gave SEC foe Auburn everything it could hand last week in a 31-24 loss, so I expect another strong effort at USC. Finally, credit must go to the guy who gets an Washington State flag flying in the background of EVERY ESPN College GameDay broadcast, no matter the location (http://ftw.usatoday.com/2013/09/washington-state-flags-are-an-espn-college-gameday-tradition/).
Arizona -10 UNLV
The Rebels get routed by Jerry’s Kids, while Arizona shuts out Northern Arizona (who is probably better than UNLV), and the Wildcats are only favored by 10? “But it’s a road game for Zona,” you say. Uh huh. UNLV and home field advantage do not compute.
PENN STATE -22.5 Eastern Michigan
When you’re the worst of the Michigan Directional School Triumvirate (look it up, Mrs. Money), you won’t stay within 22.5 of the Corner Office Man’s favorite squad. Take the Nits.
WISCONSIN -45 Tennessee Tech
Ugh. This is a case where The Professor’s contractual and emotional obligations to Schadenfreude get in the way of what would otherwise be a Pick ‘em Corner win. Seriously, though, Barry Alvarez. Tennessee Tech? C’mon. Also, Tennessee and Tech do not make sense in the same sentence. Hate you, Bucky.
IOWA -24.5 Missouri State
I’m confident I’m going to go 0-2 in my first two Schadenfreude games, but in this case, I don’t care. The Professor is still basking in the glow of all the radiant Schadenfreude that rained down on me as the Hawkeyes blew a game against #MACtion. Mmmmm, your tears taste so good, Mr. Money and Host. Schadenfreude is the best kind of freude.
PURDUE -17 Indiana State
In a battle for Indiana inferiority, I like the team that scored 35 points against another Indiana Big Ten team vs. the team that scored 7 points against an AAC team. Also, bite me Boilermakers for ruining my lock.
MICHIGAN STATE -23.5 South Florida
The Spartans struggled move the ball against a member of the Michigan Directional School Triumvirate, but South Florida lost 53-21 to something called McNeese State.
Cincinnati -7.5 ILLINOIS
It’s a rarity in this one. It’s a duo of sponsored picks rolled into one. First, it’s a Tim Beckman Axiom game, so you know I can’t take Illinois. Second, DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It’s The Professor’s Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! Cincinnati emphatically ruining my lock and Illinois being Illinois make this one a winner.
OHIO STATE -27.5 San Diego State
The Aztecs lost by 21 to Eastern Illinois at home, so I figure the Bucks are good for one more TD than a directional Illinois school. Plus, jet lag.
NORTHWESTERN -12 Syracuse
I’m tempted to listen to KCKCKCK and ride the Cats into another big game, but injury concerns and a letdown after a good win at Cal spell a seven-point win for NU.
INDIANA -13 Navy
Anchors aweigh, bitches. Anchors aweigh.
NEBRASKA -28 Southern Miss
You didn’t exactly inspire me with a lot of hope last week, Huskers. Make me believe again.
MICHIGAN -3.5 Notre Dame
This is a Schadenfreude game because of Notre Dame’s presence, but it’s more so a game of arrogance. Both programs and their insufferable fans have egos writing check their bodies can’t cash (© Cmdr. Tom Jordan – callsign Stinger). I’m going with Meeeee-chigan solely because I loathe their program and fans just a tad less than Notre Dame’s.
Minnesota -16.5 NEW MEXICO STATE
It’s another rarity for The Professor’s Smart Money Picks. For the first time ever, a Gopher game has qualified as the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL. I’d like to provide a rationale for the pick but because it’s the DAOLTTIACAG?G, I’m contractually precluded from providing an analysis.
Thus concludes The Professor’s Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen. Bet smart ®.
2013 Pick ‘em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)
1. Wick to Click – 14-6 (1-0) – 16 pts
2. Money Traen -12-8 (1-0) – 14 pts
2. Steve Stellar – 12-8 (1-0) – 14 pts
4. The Professor – 12-8 (0-1) – 12 pts
4. Mrs. Money – 10-9 (1-0)– 12 pts
4. Strickly Cash 10-10 (1-0) – 12 pts
7. C-Noth 9-11 (1-0) – 11 pts
8. Aaron Seehusen -10-10 (0-0) – 10 pts
8. Bob Keiser – 10-8 (0-1) - 10 pts
8. KCKCKCK – 10-10 (0-1) – 10 pts
8. Lockrem’s Locks - 8-12(1-0) – 10 pts
8. Mr. Money - 8-12 (1-0) – 10 pts
8. The Cornerman 10-10 (0-1) – 10 pts
8. The Host - 8-12 (1-0) - 10 pts
8. The Veteran 10-10 (0-1) – 10 pts
16. Larry the Money Guy – 8-12 (0-1) – 8 pts
17. The Line Adjuster – 3-1 (0-0) - 3 pts
18. Special G – 0-0 (0-0) - 0 pts
18. Moneyline Maus – 0-0 (0-0) - 0 pts
18. Foreman’s Forecast – 0-0 (0-0) - 0 pts
18. auto-MATT-ic – 0-0 (0-0) - 0 pts
The Professor in 2013 Pick ‘Em Corner
Overall record: 12-8 (.600)
Statistically-Proven Locks: 0-1 (.000)
Games involving Big Ten teams: 5-7 (.417)
Games not involving Big Ten teams: 7-1 (.875)
Minnesota games: 1-0 (1.000)
Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 1-2 (.333)
Service Academy Games: 0-0 (.000)
Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 0-1 (.000)
Roll Tide Turkey Games: 6-5 (.545)
Tim Beckman Axiom Games: 1-0 (1.000)
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