Pick 'em Corner - The Professor's Week 9 Smart Money Picks

The Professor is in Duluth for a conference this week, so he’s a tad distracted. He wished he could use that as an excuse for last week’s #facepalm performance, but he cannot. That was solely just the Schadenfreude of the rest of the Pick ‘em Corner panel coming back to bite him in the butt.

This week, the Professor is taking a cue from the majority of the panel and just winging it in his picks. Let’s face it, do we really think Wick to Click, Money Traen or Mrs. Money are putting the least bit of thought into their picks on a weekly basis? No. They are not. And now, neither am I.

Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor’s Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen. Bet Smart ®

RUTGERS -7 Houston (East Coast Bias Game)

The Professor hates the East Coast Bias, so I’m abandoning my love of future B1G teams and going with the Oilers Texans Astros Cougars. It is Cougars, right?

MIAMI -23 Wake Forest

Wake Forest has a football team? Who knew?

TEXAS A&M -18 Vanderbilt

The Aggies overlook the Southern Nerds. Go Commodores. They are the Commodores, right?

UMASS -3 Western Michigan (MACtion Game of the Week)

It’s the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game (DAOtLotTTIACATG?G), brought to you by Casa de Autos. What can brown do for you?

Clemson -14 MARYLAND

You’re dead to me, Clemson. Big Ten! Big Ten! Big Ten!

FLORIDA STATE -32 NC State

Admiral Ackbar wants you to believe IT’S A TRAP. Admiral Ackbar is a man-sized calamari dish. He cannot be trusted.

OKLAHOMA -7 Texas Tech

Sorry, Teeks.

ALABAMA -28 Tennessee (Roll Tide Turkey Game)

The Vols are better than the experts think; the Tide is worse than the experts think. Rocky Top!

Notre Dame -19.5 AIR FORCE

If the U.S. Air Force were to invade the Irish, well, Ireland would be our 51^st state. Off we go, into the wild blue yonder!

OREGON -22.5 UCLA

UCLA will provide the stiffest test for the Ducks, but Phil Knight’s hobby team is in a different echelon than pretty much everyone else. QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!

Baylor -34.5 KANSAS

This is a slam dunk. DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It’s The Professor’s Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

MISSOURI -3 South Carolina

I doubted you, Tigers. I was wrong.

TCU -2 Texas (Tim Brewster Game of the Week)

This spread must be transposed from last season because this makes no sense. Lock #2.

Fresno State -8.5 SAN DIEGO STATE

San Diego is a nice place to visit. Fresno, not so much.

Stanford -3.5 OREGON STATE

Every time people think the Cardinal is a non-factor, they get all nerd-mad and convince everyone they’re wrong. NERDS!

Colorado State -4 HAWAI’I

 Lock #3. Remember, The Professor is 3-5 in his locks this season.

Nebraska -10.5 MINNESOTA

You proved me wrong last week, Goldy. Do it again. I double dog dare you.

IOWA -3.5 Northwestern

Purely a Schadenfreude pick here, but Kain Colter is back so hopefully the Cats are a different team than last week.

Michigan State -10.5 ILLINOIS

Sparty gets caught peeking ahead to next week’s rivalry tilt with the Walmart Wolverines.

OHIO STATE -14.5 Penn State

This is just too big a spread for a Ohio State squad that isn’t as good as they think and a Penn State squad that everyone thinks is a non-factor due to Sanduskygate.

Thus concludes The Professor’s Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen. Bet smart ®.

2013 Pick ‘em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. Wick to Click – 80-78-3 (8-0) – 96 pts

2. Money Traen - 81-77-3 (6-2) – 93 pts

2. Steve Stellar – 89-69-3 (2-6) – 93 pts

4. Mrs. Money – 80-76-2 (6-2) – 92 pts

5. C-Noth - 81-77-2 (5-3) – 91 pts

6. KCKCKCK – 81-76-3 (4-4) – 90 pts

6. The Cornerman 84-74-3 (3-5) – 90 pts

8. The Veteran 82-76-3 (4-4) – 90 pts

9. Strickly Cash 81-77-3 (3-5) – 87 pts

10. The Professor – 78-80-3 (3-5) – 84 pts

11. Larry the Cash Guy – 75-83-3 (3-5) – 81 pts

12. Mr. Money - 72-83-3 (4-4) – 80 pts

13. Big-Game Bob – 73-81-3 (3-5) – 79 pts

14. Lockrem’s Locks - 65-74-1 (4-3) – 73 pts

15. The Host - 62-76-3 (4-3) – 70 pts

16. Your Pick Ain’t Schmidt – 48-70-3 (2-4) – 52 pts

17. Do You See What I Seehusen - 47-54 (1-3) – 49 pts

18. The Line Adjuster – 3-1 (0-0) – 3 pts

19. Foreman’s Forecast – 0-0 (0-0) – 0 pts

19. auto-MATT-ic – 0-0 (0-0) – 0 pts

The Professor in 2013 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 78-80-3 (.494)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 3-5 (.375)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 34-41-1 (.454)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 41-39-2 (.512)

Minnesota games: 3-3 (.500)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 6-14-1 (.310)

Service Academy Games: 3-5 (.375)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 4-4 (.500)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 3-3 (.500)

Tim Beckman Axiom Games: 3-3 (.500)

Pick 'em Corner - The Professor's Week 8 Smart Money Picks

I could sit here and explain why The Professor’s Smart Money Picks stand in eight place in Pick ‘em Corner. I could, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll leave you with the above video. I think it sums up The Professor’s 2013 season to this point.

Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor’s Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen. Bet Smart ®

 

TEMPLE -3 Army (Service Academy Game of the Week)

Temple made this week’s Bottom 10 on ESPN.com. Army did not. Also, The Professor would like welcome back Armed Forces Network back into the fold after being blacked out for the past two weeks due to the asinine government shutdown. On brave old Army team!

Florida -3.5 MISSOURI

A letdown week with an extra multiplier of losing starting QB James Franklin spells a Gator cover.

Akron -7 MIAMI (OHIO) (MACTion Game of the Week)

The Zips haven’t won on the road since close, personal friend of The Professor’s, one George W. Bush, was in the Oval Office. Still, Miami is bad on a biblical scale. Look for the Fightin’ Wistrcills to break the streak.

STANFORD -6 UCLA

Sad Stanford is sad.

ALABAMA -28 Arkansas (Roll Tide Turkey Game)

The Hogs are distracted, trying to find Mrs. Bret Bielema in the stands while trying to figure out how Bert so thoroughly out-kicked his coverage. The Tide, meanwhile, knows not the meaning of distraction with the Evil One as their coach. Roll Tide Turkey!

OREGON -38.5 Washington State

The Professor has been riding the big-spread wave to some needed wins, so why stop now? QUACK.

TEXAS A&M -13.5 Auburn

Stay away from this game. Sure, Manziel is a difference-maker, but this is one of those wacky, wild SEC games with lots of offense and little defense that is too hard to predict. Beware.

BYU -9.5 HOUSTON

It’s the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game (DAOtLotTTIACATG?G), brought to you by Casa de Autos. MORMONS!

NOTRE DAME -3 USC

Can I go for the push on this one? I dislike both of these programs, but I loathe the Fighting Irish. Win one for the Orgeron, Trojans! Also, Schadenfreude.

Florida State -3 CLEMSON

Give me the home field and the points and I’ll run to the bank.

LSU -8 OLE MISS

I’ve got nothing here.

BAYLOR -34 Iowa State

The Bears killed my lock last week, so I’m bitter, but The Professor loves big spreads (don’t get cute with that).

South Carolina -7 TENNESSEE

The Professor is having SEC fatigue.

Northern Illinois -16 CENTRAL MICHIGAN

Sure, the Huskies are undefeated (and they’re gonna stay that way this weekend), but they’re not blowing anyone out (save for Purdue). They’re just doing enough to win. Expect the same here as NIU gets a big lead, loses interest and wins by 13.

Texas Tech -5.5 WEST VIRGINIA

The Mountaineers have alternated wins and losses all season, so the trend here is a win. Gimme the points and the backwater hicks.

NORTHWESTERN -12.5 Minnesota (Tim Brewster Game of the Week)

Prove me wrong, Gophers. Please. Sigh.

MICHIGAN STATE -26.5 Purdue

Purdue is not a good American football team.

MICHIGAN -7 Indiana

Michigan and Indiana in the Big House and the home team with the winning tradition, 5-1 record and unbeaten mark at home under Brady Hoke is only favored by a TD? What gives? It doesn’t make sense, so I’m going to go ahead and ignore the trap and say … DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It’s The Professor’s Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

OHIO STATE -17 Iowa

Herky is a jerky. SCHADENFREUDE!

Wisconsin -12.5 ILLINOIS

Bucky is yucky. Also, Bizarro Tim Beckman Axiom. Also, SCHADENFREUDE!

Thus concludes The Professor’s Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen. Bet smart ®.

2013 Pick ‘em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. Wick to Click – 69-70-2 (7-0) – 83 pts

2. Money Traen - 72-67-2 (5-2) – 82 pts

3. C-Noth - 71-68-2 (5-2) – 81 pts

3. Mrs. Money – 69-68-2 (6-1) – 81 pts

3. Steve Stellar – 79-60-2 (1-6) – 81 pts

6. KCKCKCK – 74-65-2 (3-4) – 80 pts

6. The Cornerman 74-65-2 (3-4) – 80 pts

8. The Professor – 74-65-2 (2-5) – 78 pts

9. Strickly Cash 71-68-2 (3-4) – 77 pts

9. The Veteran 71-68-2 (3-4) – 77 pts

11. Larry the Cash Guy – 67-72-2 (3-4) – 73 pts

12. Mr. Money - 64-72-2 (3-4) – 70 pts

13. Big-Game Bob – 64-71-2 (2-5) – 68 pts

14. Lockrem’s Locks - 55-65 (4-2) – 63 pts

15. The Host - 52-67-2 (3-3) – 58 pts

16. Do You See What I Seehusen - 47-54 (1-3) – 49 pts

17. Your Pick Ain’t Schmidt – 39-60-2 (1-4) – 41 pts

18. The Line Adjuster – 3-1 (0-0) – 3 pts

19. Foreman’s Forecast – 0-0 (0-0) – 0 pts

19. auto-MATT-ic – 0-0 (0-0) – 0 pts

The Professor in 2013 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 74-65-2 (.532)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 2-5 (.286)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 33-37-1 (.472)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 41-28-1 (.593)

Minnesota games: 3-2 (.600)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 6-11-1 (.361)

Service Academy Games: 3-4 (.429)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 4-3 (.571)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 2-3 (.400)

Tim Beckman Axiom Games: 3-2 (.600)