Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 5 Smart Money Picks

It’s the first of two Hate Weeks for The Professor’s Smart Money Picks. It’s a week to loathe our neighbors to the south for coveting our favorite pig – Floyd of Rosedale – while at the same time leading the nation in annual slaughter of said animal. It’s a week to despise Hawkeye fans for besmirching the great name of Metrodome restrooms. It’s a week to laugh at a group of fans who tried to get goalposts out of revolving doors. It’s a week to pity a state that blindlessly follows a football program that can best be looked at as a depreciating asset … mostly because, well, what else is there to cheer for in Iowa? Experts say hate isn’t healthy. Phooey. This week, let the hate flow through you. Hate you, Herky.

Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

NORTHWESTERN -10.5 Indiana

It’s hard to hate either of these teams, but I’ll go with Indiana for the sole reason that I hate to see Minnesota football compared to IU football.

ILLINOIS -1 Penn State

There’s a lot of hate coming out of Happy Valley this week as Nittany Lion poacher Tim Beckman hosts the Fighting Keisers.

IOWA -7 Minnesota

DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! The Gopher blog FBT said it best, “The Gophers may lose, but I will still not be Iowan. For even if the Iowans win, they still lose.”

PURDUE -17 Marshall

I hate that “Boiler Up!” cheer they do in West Lafayette, but not enough to pick the Thundering Herd.

MICHIGAN STATE -3 Ohio State

This is the week Sparty busts loose and proves MSU is the class of the B1Gin 2012. Also, I’m not a big fan of Urban Meyer.

NEBRASKA -11 Wisconsin

It’s the Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit, so you know where this pick is headed. Hate you, Bucky.

WEST VIRGINIA -11 Baylor

Ok, that’s enough hate. Baylor has been meh this season and West F***ing Virginia is just hitting its stride.

MIAMI -2.5 NC State

Ok, Al Golden, you made a believer out of me after posting the upset at Georgia Tech last week. I’m sure the Canes will roll over and get routed this week now.

GEORGIA -13 Tennessee

Ummm,

San Jose State -2.5 NAVY

It’s The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network! Navy has been pretty bad this season, but you can’t lose to the purveyor of awful media guide covers, can you?

Virginia Tech -6.5 Cincinnati

Steve Stellar took the Hokies and I need to make up some ground on Stellar. Thus this pick.

Florida State -17 SOUTH FLORIDA

Ohhhhh, oh, oh-oh-oh! Ohhhhhh, oh, oh-oh-oh! Ohhhhh, oh, oh-ho-ho!

South Carolina 20.5 KENTUCKY

Revenge is a dish best served ice cold.

Texas -1.5 OKLAHOMA STATE

The Longhorns aren’t Savannah State.

ALABAMA -29.5 Ole Miss

ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!

ARIZONA -2.5 Oregon State

The Professor is a Beaver Believer.

Oregon -30.5 WASHINGTON STATE

The Quack Attack keeps it rolling on their quest to get embarrassed by Alabama in the National Championship Game. Yes, I’m recycling bits from past weeks.

LSU -45 Towson

Gooooooo, Fighting Gellers!!!

Louisville -10.5 SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! [Analysis not provided]

TCU -16.5 SMU

I have absolutely nothing here. Why are we picking this game?

Clemson -9 BOSTON COLLEGE

The end.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2012 Pick ‘Em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

Steve Stellar – 50-30 (4-0) – 58 pts

The Professor – 51-29 (3-1) – 57 pts

The Cornerman – 44-36 (3-1) – 50 pts

Lockrem’s Locks – 43-36 (3-1) - 49 pts

The Host – 46-34 (1-3) – 48 pts

Money Traen – 42-37 (2-2) – 46 pts

Jeff Leach – 43-36 (1-2) – 45 pts

KCKCK – 43-37 (1-3) – 45 pts

C-Noth – 38-42 (2-2) – 42 pts

Wick to Click – 35-45 (1-2) – 37 pts

Strickly Cash – 34-46 (0-4) – 34 pts

The Veteran – 34-26 (0-3) – 34 pts

Miss Money –29-31 (1-1) – 31 pts

Special G – 23-37 (1-2) – 25 pts

LFK – 6-12 (0-0) 6 pts

The Professor in 2012 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 51-29 (.638)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 3-1 (.750)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 24-12 (.667)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 27-17 (.614)

Minnesota games: 2-2 (.500)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 9-3 (.750)

Service Academy Games: 2-4 (.333)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 3-1 (.750)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 2-1 (.667)

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 4 Smart Money Picks

Due to the overwhelming success of The Professor’s Smart Money Picks, two additional lectures have been added to the class schedule. Sign up now and become a Professor’s Pupil. Do your best to avoid competing classes, such as The Host’s “How to Avoid Paying Your Bookie Even Though You’re Five Figures in the Red,” KCKCKCK’s “Even Mediocrity Can Stoke Your Ego 101” or Jeff Leach’s “Picking College Football Games by Coin Flip.” 

Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

OHIO STATE -36.5 UAB

In a couple years, Ohio State wins by 45. Not this season.

WISCONSIN -18 UTEP

If you haven’t heard, The Professor has declared the 2012 campaign “The Season of Schadenfreude” for the entirely ignominious (look it up, KCKCKCK) starts by most-hated teams Wisconsin and Iowa. The Professor is a perfect 6-0 when picking against Bucky and Herky (and 7-2 when adding in equally loathsome Notre Dame), so Schadenfreude is clearly in season. Bite me, Bucky.

IOWA -14.5 Central Michigan

It’s the second Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit, so you know where this pick is headed. Hate you, Herky.

NORTHWESTERN -28 South Dakota

The Coyotes received exactly zero votes in The Sports Network FCS top-25 College Football Poll, so they have no business staying within four TDs of a B1G team. In other FCS Dakota-related news, North Dakota State is ranked No. 1, followed by North Dakota (RV) and South Dakota State (RV)

MICHIGAN STATE -33 Eastern Michigan

There’s nothing quite like a game against Eastern Michigan to make you feel better about yourself. To wit: Two weeks ago, Purdue lost 20-17 to Notre Dame. Last week, the Boilers trounced EMU 54-16. Last week, Sparty lost at home to Notre Dame. And look who is coming to town this week … the 0-3 Eagles.

NEBRASKA -31 Idaho State

I da ho? No, you da ho.

PENN STATE -7.5 Temple

The Penn State Misery Tour is on hiatus until further notice.

NOTRE DAME -4.5 Michigan

Chalk this up to a Schadenfreude pick, but I still think Michigan can pull off the upset here. Let’s get Denarded!

ILLLINOIS -2.5 Louisiana Tech

Less educated panelists (read: Miss Money) will look at this game and lock in Illinois. They’ll think, “How can a B1G team be favored by 2.5 points against a ‘Tech’ team that is neither from Virginia nor Georgia.” More educated panelists (read: The Professor) will know that the Bulldogs are averaging 56 points per game and the Illini are a pedestrian bunch at best. Go Tech!

MINNESOTA - Pick em -  Syracuse

My heart says Minnesota, but my head says Syracuse. In recent years, the heart has won out. Not this season, my friends. The Professor is now a fully tenured member of the faculty, so heart cannot play a factor in my research and analysis. If the Gophers were nervous about stopping a hurry-up, passing offense from Western Michigan, they’re going to be downright petrified to be finally facing a quality QB and a high-powered through-the-air offense. Prove me wrong, Goldy, prove me wrong.

WAKE FOREST -7 Army

It’s The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network! The Deacons lost 52-0 to Florida State last week. Meanwhile, Army lost by 1 to Northern Illinois. What’s that mean? Probably nothing, but it’s the reasoning I’m using here.

GEORGIA TECH -14.5 Miami

Any time The Professor gets to pick in favor of a triple-option attack, he does it.

ALABAMA -49 Florida Atlantic

Let’s see. Alabama 52, Arkansas 0. Georgia 56, Florida Atlantic 20. Oh, and the Owls’ lone win was a 7-3 thiller over Wagner. All that equals … ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!

LSU -20.5 AUBURN

I like the Tigers in this one.

OKLAHOMA -14 Kansas State

Seems like just a tad too many points to be giving Kansas State here. DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

SOUTH CAROLINA -10 Missouri

I like Columbia in this one.

UCLA -7.5 Oregon State

I think the Bruins win this game, but Oregon State has had two weeks to prepare for this one. Also, The Professor is a Beaver Believer.

FLORIDA STATE -14.5 Clemson

Ohhhhh, oh, oh-oh-oh! Ohhhhhh, oh, oh-oh-oh! Ohhhhh, oh, oh-ho-ho!

OREGON -23 Arizona

The Quack Attack keeps it rolling on their quest to get embarrassed by Alabama in the National Championship Game.

ARKANSAS – 7 Rutgers

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! [Analysis not provided]

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2012 Pick 'Em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. Steve Stellar – 41-19 (3-0) – 47 pts

2. The Professor – 39-21 (2-1) – 43pts

3. The Host – 35-25 (1-2) – 37 pts

3. Lockrem’s Locks – 33-26 (2-1) - 37 pts

5. Jeff Leach – 34-25 (1-1) – 36 pts
5. The Cornerman – 32-28 (2-1) – 36 pts

7. KCKCKCK – 32-28 (1-2) – 34 pts

7. Money Traen – 30-29 (2-1) – 34 pts

9. C-Noth – 27-33 (2-1) – 31 pts

10. Wick to Click – 27-33 (0-2) – 27 pts

11. Strickly Cash – 26-34 (0-3) – 26 pts

12. The Veteran – 24-16 (0-2) – 24 pts

13. Miss Money – 19-21 (1-1) – 21 pts

14. Special G – 17-23 (1-1) – 19 pts
15. LFK – 6-12 (no lock ) 6 pts

The Professor in 2012 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 39-21 (.650)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 2-1 (.667)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 24-12 (.667)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 15-9 (.625)

Minnesota games: 2-1 (.667)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 7-2 (.778)

Service Academy Games: 2-3 (.400)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 2-1 (.667)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 2-0 (1.000)

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 3 Smart Money Picks

Status quo  (kwəʊ) — n:  the existing state of affairs. For The Professor, status quo just means making money for The Professor's Pupils week in and week out. So sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

NEBRASKA -24.5 Arkansas State

The Huskers will be angry after laying an egg against UCLA last week, so the win here isn’t in doubt. Covering, however, is. Arkansas State scores just enough points to stay within the number.

OHIO STATE -16.5 Cal

Urban Meyer > Jeff Tedford. Braxton Miller > Whoever Cal cobbled together for QB. Buckeyes > Bears.

MINNESOTA -2.5 Western Michigan

This game scares the bejesus out of this avowed Gopher fan. But as a member of the faculty, I’m fully in support of what Jer-Jer is doing with the Gophers. Western Michigan has a fast-paced offense, yes, but Minnesota will kill a lot of clock with an efficient running game, keeping the Broncos off the field just enough. Expect a close one. You scoffed when I called for a Gopher rout last week. Methinks you won’t scoff again.

ILLINOIS -35 Charleston Southern

Yawn.

PURDUE -24 Eastern Michigan

Zzzzzzzz.

Boston College -3.5 NORTHWESTERN

I have no feel for this game, but I underestimated the Cats against a mediocre SEC team in Vandy. I won’t do the same against a mediocre ACC team in Boston College.

MICHIGAN -45.5 UMass

UMass is bad. Really bad.

PENN STATE -5.5 Navy

I’m riding the Penn State Misery Tour Train as long as it will take me, giving new meaning to Navy fight song Anchors Aweigh.

IOWA -14.5 Northern Iowa

Northern Iowa kept it interesting against the BADgers, a superior team to the Hawkeyes, so the smart money is that they’ll do the same here. Plus, you actually have to score touchdowns to win by 14.5 or more. In fact, the schadenfreude is flowing so strong for The Professor that I’m locking this in. DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

MICHIGAN STATE -6 Notre Dame

Sparty is in the Golden Domers’ heads after last season’s thrilling game. Also, Michigan State is a huge jump in competition for ND after facing Navy and Purdue. Meanwhile, MSU is battle-tested after opening the year vs. Boise State.

INDIANA -2.5 Ball State

Coming into the season, Indiana could not afford to lose QB Tre Robinson, and in true IU Football fashion, that’s exactly what they did. Take the Fighting Dave Lettermans.

WISCONSIN -13 Utah State

It’s the Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit. Suck it, Bucky.

TENNESSEE -3 Florida

I’m basically just picking which team I hate less. Plus, Rocky Top sure is catchy.

Northern Illinois -3 ARMY

Don’t follow The Professor on this pick. I’m contractually obligated to go with the Black Knights here, but the Huskies are not a bad MAC team while Army is, well, Army.

Alabama -20.5 ARKANSAS

Gimpy quarterback + porous defense + John L. Smith = Crimson Tide in a laugher. ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!

USC -8.5 STANFORD

The Trojans are on a mission this season and they’re not going to let a bunch of nerds from Northern California feel good about themselves for the fifth time in the last six meetings.

MISSOURI -6.5 Arizona State

I liked what I saw from the Sun Devils in their win over Illinois. I didn’t see any of the Mizzou game. And that’s why I’m taking Arizona State.

UCLA -17 Houston

I had my doubts about UCLA when they were struggling early against Rice two weeks ago. But they pulled away in that one and erased any doubts in the convincing upset win over Nebraska last week. Expect Houston to put up a fight here, but the Bruins are on a roll.

BYU -4 UTAH

1) I hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir puts on quite the show. 2) Mitt Romney is inexplicably expected to put up a fight in the election. 3) Finally, I guess Utah lost their QB or something. I dunno. Go with the Mormons.

LOUISVILLE -3 North Carolina

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! [Analysis not provided]

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2012 Pick 'Em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. Steve Stellar – 28-12 (2-0) – 32 pts

2. The Professor – 25-15 (1-1) – 27 pts

2. The Host – 25-15 (1-1) – 27 pts

4. Jeff Leach – 24-15 (1-0) – 26 pts

5. KCKCK – 22-18 (1-1) – 24 pts

6. Lockrem’s Locks – 21-18 (1-1) - 23 pts

7. C-Noth – 19-21 (1-1) – 21 pts

7. The Cornerman – 19-21 (1-1) – 21 pts

9. Money Traen – 18-21 (1-1) – 20 pts

10. Wick to Click – 16-24 (0-1) – 16 pts

11. Strickly Cash – 15-25 (0-2) – 15 pts

12. Miss Money – 8-12 (0-1) – 8 pts

12. The Veteran – 8-12 (0-1) – 8 pts

14. LFK – 6-12 (no lock ) 6 pts

14. Special G – 6-14 (0-1) – 6 pts

The Professor in 2012 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 25-15

Statistically-Proven Locks: 1-1

Games involving Big Ten teams: 16-8

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 9-7

Minnesota games: 1-1

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 5-1

Service Academy Games: 1-2

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 1-1

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 1-0