Pick 'em Corner - The Professor's Week 6 Smart Money Picks

The Professor is proud to present this week’s slate of games for Pick ‘em Corner. I worked tirelessly in my Prognostication Lab to provide you with a healthy mix of heavyweight match-ups, sprinkled with some off-the-radar games we otherwise wouldn’t be picking. You will not see East Coast Bias. You will not see a worthless Roll Tide Turkey Game. You will see a classic service academy vs. service academy game. You will also see a slate of games which would be absolutely terrible to witness (Iowa vs. Michigan State, for example), but wonderful to predict.

To those on the panel that were unable to make the live broadcast of Pick ‘em Corner at Tuttle’s Eat Bowl Play, shame on you. To those that were there – Stellar, The Former Host, C-Noth, Mr. & Mrs. Money – kudos to you. And to those that tuned in on Victory Sports One, thank you for supporting our endeavors. Remember to patronize our sponsors, of which there are many.

Without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor’s Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen. Bet Smart ®

NAVY -7 Air Force

The entire Pick ‘em Corner community knows how special this game is to me and how maddening it was to see our nation’s “leaders” in Washington try to turn a classic service academy football game into another of the shutdown’s victims. But the service academies prevailed. We will get our adored match-up between a pair of teams fielding the best that our country has to offer. Not the best football players, mind you, but the best people. Better than the convicts in Miami, better than all the cheaters in SEC land, better than the nerds at Stanford and Northwestern, better than Johnny Football, better than me and better than you. Anyone who laughs at this game must laugh at the freedoms that those who have played in this game before provided to your ungrateful ass. The Professor would like to say a heartfelt Thank You to those who sacrifice so that we can have stupid college football “shows” like this one. AMERICA. Finally, my weekly shout-out to all of Pick 'em Corner viewers serving our nation overseas and watching us on Armed Forces Network, the sponsor of the Service Academy Game of the Week. Thank you for your service and your support of PeC. Anchors aweigh, my boys, anchors aweigh!

FLORIDA STATE -15 Maryland (Coach Brew Game of the Week, brought to you by Hormel Chili)

The Professor has a general disdain for all Florida schools (sorry, Stellar) and a particular disdain for a Florida State tight ends coach who will remain nameless. The Professor also has a disdain the garish costumes that Maryland, Oregon, Virginia Tech and many other teams trot out week after week. So which team do I disdain more? The team with the hostile and abusive, that’s who. Coach Brew Game of the Week Chili Thermometer, brought to you by Hormel: COLD.

Georgia -10.5 TENNESSEE

The Professor has learned that the Vols will be wearing their “smokey” grey uniforms for this game and it won’t make a lick of difference. Man, I hate these gimmicky uniforms. It’s only a matter of time before a team (probably Oregon) wears all-chrome uniforms or zebra-striped jerseys meant to confuse and disorient opponents like a young cheetah. Tennessee is banking on a letdown from the Dawgs after an emotional win over LSU, but don’t buy it. With last week’s huge victory, Georgia has inserted itself back into the BCS title conversation. They’re not going to let a bad Tennessee team in grey uniforms derail them now.

Clemson -12.5 SYRACUSE

The Professor cannot, in good conscience, pick a football team that plays in a basketball arena. You’ve been warned, Idaho. Plus, the Orange lost by an average of 13.5 points against a pair of Big Ten teams, so why should they stay within 13 of the third-ranked team in all the land? That’s right. They shouldn’t.

MIAMI -7 Georgia Tech

The empty orange seats will be plentiful and the triple option offense will flummox a Miami team that is far more interested in doing blow off of strippers’ chests on a booster’s yacht in Biscayne Bay.

Oregon -38 COLORADO

The Professor is starting to love the huge point spreads and what better team to hitch his wagon to than an Oregon squad riding a record four games with 50 points or better. Expect the Ducks to make it five. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.

OKLAHOMA -10.5 TCU

This has all the makings of a trap game. The Sooners get TCU right in the middle between a big win over the now two-loss Fighting Irish and the Red River Rivalry game against Texas next week. Admiral Ackbar is screaming IT’S A TRAP, but I’m not listening. TCU isn’t the TCU we’ve come to know in recent seasons and Oklahoma is just finding its stride. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-klahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plains. 

Arizona State -5.5 NOTRE DAME

Purely a Schadenfreude pick here. But as I mentioned last week, The Professor ❤ the Sun Devils and their beautiful maroon and gold uniform motif. In the words of David Puddy, “Don't mess with the Devils, buddy. We're number one, we beat anybody! We're the Devils! The Devils!! Hssss!!!"

BAYLOR -27.5 West Virginia

First in passing yards. First in points for. Second in points against. Fifth in rushing yards. 

57^th in passing yards. 101^st in points for. 35^th in points against. 79^th in rushing yards.

I’ll let you draw your own conclusion on which team is which.

STANFORD -6.5 Washington

The Professor really wants to pick the Huskies, but it’s just too much to ask to go into a top 5 team’s stadium and stay within a touchdown. If this was in Seattle, perhaps. But not in Palo Alto. An aside, a friend of mine, Bill/Dave, was a member of the infamous Stanford band … during the OJ Simpson trial. This brilliant collection of musicians played outside the LA courthouse where the trial was held, playing circus music as the lawyers walked in. They played at USC, bringing with them a white Ford Bronco and forming themselves into the shapes of a knife and a bloody glove. Gotta love those nerds. NERDS!

Louisville -34 TEMPLE

Teddy Bidgewater and the Louisville offense takes on an 0-4 Temple team with losses to heavyweights like Houston, Fordham and Idaho. This spread is 20 points to small.

Northern Illinois -9 KENT STATE (MACtion Game of the Week, sponsored by Kraft Macaroni & Cheese)

The Golden Flashes sounds like something Goldmember would do. Take the Husky Women (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap)

SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI -15.5 Florida International (battle of two of the worst teams in the nation)

He who does not love this game does not love dark comedy/unintentional comedy. These teams are bad, like Mrs. Money playing golf bad. They’re so bad, The Professor cannot believe the spread is so much in favor of one team here. At our live show, I locked in FIU, but decided to pull my lock for a game which I will actually watch. Still, go Fighting Isaiah Thomases!

Fresno State -24.5 IDAHO

As mentioned above, The Professor cannot, in good conscience, pick a football team that plays in a basketball arena. Sorry, Vandals.

NEW MEXICO -9.5 New Mexico State

It’s the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game (DAOtLotTTIACATG?G), brought to you by Casa de Autos. There’s a reason Breaking Bad was filmed in New Mexico. When watching New Mexico-based teams play football, you’ll want to be breaking something … bad. Note the new sponsor of this game.

San Jose State -5.5 HAWAI’I

Degenerate gamblers, rejoice. This is your game. Go Spartans.

Penn State -3.5 INDIANA

Something is fishy with this spread, and The Professor doesn’t like fish. The Fighting Keisers got back on the horse in a shutout of the Golden Flashes last week, while Indiana has had two weeks to figure out which team is going to show up. Hint: It’s the team that looked lost vs. Navy and just bad vs. Mizzou. DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It’s The Professor’s Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

NEBRASKA -10.5 Illinois

The Tim Beckman Axiom is in full crisis mode after the Illini’s rout of Miami (Ohio) last week, so until the theory is proved again, The Professor will be working to disprove it. Gooooooooo Fighting Wickstroms!

IOWA -1.5 Michigan State

If you know what’s good for you, do not watch this game. This promises to be as ugly a display of offensive football seen in the Big Ten in eons. These two teams’ are working under the assumption that the forward pass was deemed illegal, bringing football back decades into the run right into the middle of the line and hope for the best era. This game truly might end with a 9-6 score … all on field goals. Ugh. Also, Schadenfreude. Tip of that hat to all of my supporters at Gasthof zur Gemutlichkeit

Ein Prosit, ein Prosit
Der Gemütlichkeit
Ein Prosit, ein Prosit
Der Gemütlichkeit.

EINS! ZWEI! DREI! G'SUFFA!

Zicke zacke, zicke zacke, hoi hoi hoi!

 

MICHIGAN -20.5 Minnesota

The Professor is borrowing a trick from Mr. Money in this one and purchasing emotional/depression insurance. I fully expect the Gophers to lose by three TDs or more, but I’ll get a win in Pick ‘em Corner, so what the hey. Thanks to Farmers Insurance for the policy.. WE ARE FARMERS BAH BUH DUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!

Ohio State -5.5 NORTHWESTERN

I’m pulling a KCKCKCK move here and taking the Bucks as I know KCKCKCK will take the Cats. Pick ‘em Corner points in the standings, for the win.

2013 Pick ‘em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. Wick to Click – 52-46 -2 (5-0) – 62 pts

2. Steve Stellar – 57-41-2 (1-4) – 59 pts
3. C-Noth - 50-48-2 (4-1) – 58 pts

3. KCKCKCK – 54-44-2 (2-3) – 58 pts

5. Strickly Cash 53-45-2 (2-3) – 57 pts

6. The Professor – 52-46-2 (2-3) – 56 pts

6. Money Traen - 48-50-2 (4-1) – 56 pts

8.The Cornerman 52-46-2 (1-4) – 54 pts

8. Mrs. Money – 46-50-2 (4-1) – 54 pts

10. The Veteran 48-50-2 (2-3) – 52 pts
11. Mr. Money - 47-48-2 (2-3) – 51 pts

12. Big-Game Bob – 45-51-2 (1-4) – 47 pts

12. Larry the Cash Guy  – 45-53-2 (1-4) – 47 pts

14. Lockrem’s Locks - 35-45 (3-1) – 41 pts

15. Aaron “Who?” Seehusen -37-43 (1-2) – 39 pts

15. The Host - 35-43-2 (2-2) – 39 pts

17. Your Picks Ain’t Schmidt – 23-35-2 (0-3) – 23 pts

18. The Line Adjuster – 3-1 (0-0) – 3 pts

19. Foreman’s Forecast – 0-0 (0-0) – 0 pts

19. auto-MATT-ic – 0-0 (0-0) – 0 pts

The Professor in 2013 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 52-46-2 (.530)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 2-3 (.400)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 28-33-1 (.460)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 24-13-1 (.645)

Minnesota games: 2-2 (.500)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 5-9-1 (.367)

Service Academy Games: 2-3 (.400)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 2-3 (.400)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 1-3 (.250)

Tim Beckman Axiom Games: 3-1 (.750)