Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 2 Smart Money Picks
Class is very much back in session. As my students are well-aware now, The Professor's Smart Money Picks 101 is the go-to class for all of your college football gambling needs. If you attended the lecture last week, you know The Professor is atop the Pick 'em Corner standings (see below) with a 13-5 record. In addition, The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week was money in the bank for my students.
Kudos go to fellow panelist KCKCKCK for matching The Professor’s 13-5 mark in week 1. That performance is a mirage. KCKCKCK is no Professor. He doesn’t meticulously break down the numbers inside the numbers for each game. He doesn’t enlist a small army of teaching assistants and interns to break down the matchups and storylines. He doesn’t waste millions of research grant dollars each year to accurately predict college football games. No, KCKCKCK turns to BTN personalities Glen Mason and Gerry DiNardo who reluctantly give KCKCKCK about 15 minutes of courtesy conversation each week. And then KCKCKCK thinks he’s an expert when really he’s just a low-level production assistant charged with bringing Dave Revsine his Earl Gray tea every morning.
I’d waste more time explaining why The Professor is the Pick ‘em Corner panelist to listen to, but the numbers speak for themselves Pick 'Em Corner (two-time Big Ten Regular Season Handicapping Champion, 13-5 record last week).
Without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.
Iowa -6.5 *IOWA STATE
Am I the only one that thought the redesigned Cy-Hawk trophy was a perfect metaphor for what everyone thinks of when someone mentions Iowa? Corn. White people in overalls. Is there anything else in Iowa? It’s a shame this trophy has been shelved before it even made it to an Iowa-Iowa State game. The Professor loves to pick against the Hawkeyes and loves to pick the Cyclones, but ISU can’t stop the run and can’t throw the ball. If the Cyclones struggled to get past Northern Iowa in front of the fourth-largest crowd in Iowa State history, what makes anyone think ISU can hang within a touchdown of the much-superior Hawkeyes? They can’t.
*MICHIGAN STATE -32 Florida Atlantic
Whenever you have a chance to pick a Howard Schnellenberger-coached team, you do it. Plus, the Owls only lost by 13 points to an arguably better Spartan team last year in East Lansing. There’s no reason to think Sparty is 19 points better this season. Go Owls.
*OHIO STATE -18 Toledo
The Professor is not immune from learning lessons and I learned mine last week by picking against the Buckeyes in a meaningless nonconference game against an in-state opponent.
*WISCONSIN -20.5 Oregon State
I’m not proud of this pick, especially considering I also picked the hated Hawkeyes this week, but Oregon State lost in overtime to something called Sacramento State last week … at home. Bucky may be excused from taking the Beavers lightly, but Bret Bielema absolutely loves running up the score any chance he gets.
*ILLINOIS -21 South Dakota State
Touchdown Jackrabbits! One touchdown. That’s it.
*NORTHWESTERN -23 Eastern Illinois
In the hope of gaining some separation from KCKCKCK (who we all know is taking the ‘Cats), I like the Panthers.
*MINNESOTA -20 New Mexico State
My glass is full of Jerry Kill-aid and it tastes so good.
Alabama -10 *PENN STATE
The Bama defense is too darn good and the Nittany Lions QB leave much to be desired. Sounds like 10 or more points to me. Heck, I think the Tide D just might out-score Penn State’s offense. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, LFK and Cornerman. ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!
Purdue -2 *RICE
Stay far, far away from this game if you know what’s good for you. Rice hung tough for a while with Texas, while Purdue looked absolutely dreadful against Middle Tennessee. So why am I taking the Boilers? I don’t know. I really don’t.
*NEBRASKA -27.5 Fresno State
Fresno State has a history as a giant killer, so they have that going for them … which is nice. The only giant they’ll be killing this week is the point spread. Nebraska 34, Fresno State 13.
Virginia -7 *INDIANA
You don’t get bullied by Ball State and hope to stay within a touchdown of a BCS school the following week. Cellar, meet Indiana. Indiana, meet cellar.
Notre Dame -3 *MICHIGAN
It’s The Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit. Nothing explains The Professor's feelings about schools like Wisconsin, Iowa and Notre Dame better then schadenfreude. Schadenfreude also would very much apply to a Michigan loss … just not in this game. I’m actually hoping for a rare case double schadenfreude in this tilt. That is, I hope both teams are involved in a horrible bus accident prior to the game.
San Diego State -9.5 *ARMY
It’s The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (part I), brought to you by Armed Forces Network. You know the drill:
The Army team's the pride and dream
Of every heart in gray,
The Army line you'll ever find
A terror in the fray;
And when the team is fighting
For the Black and Gray and Gold,
We're always near with song and cheer
And this is the tale we're told:
The Army team ...
(Band accompaniment)
(Whistle)
On, brave old Army team,
On to the fray;
Fight on to victory,
For that's the fearless Army way.
Mississipppi State -6.5 *AUBURN
Auburn looked positively awful in eking out a win over Utah State, not Utah, Utah freakin’ State. Meanwhile, Mississippi State ran roughshod over Memphis. In a battle between the two programs that entered the Cecil/Cam Newton Sweepstakes, the loser of that contest wins this one.
Stanford -20 *DUKE
It’s the Pocket Protector Bowl! It’s Rich Nerds vs. Rich, Arrogant A**holes! It’s Brains vs., well, Brains! It’s a Stanford rout. In fact … DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!
*ARIZONA STATE -7.5 Missouri
Lightning round, part 1.
Virginia Tech -17 *EAST CAROLINA
Lightning round, part 2.
*WASHINGTON -5.5 Hawai’i
Lightning round, part 3.
TCU -1 *AIR FORCE
Nowhere in my contract does it state that I must pick the service academy in a second Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week, brought to you by Armed Forces Network. So, as much as I’d like to sing “off we go into the wild blue yonder,” I just can’t. TCU is an angry, angry team that will look to take out its frustrations on the future leaders of our great nation.
South Carolina -3 *GEORGIA
The Mark Richt Farewell Tour’s home opener won’t be pretty for Mark Richt or the Bulldogs=
*TEXAS -7 BYU
This pick is for all those young men in black pants and short sleeved white dress shirts. Get off my property, you proselytizers!
*USC -8.5 Utah
Chalk this one up to The Professor picking with his heart and his head. I’m calling a Utah win here. Welcome to the Pac-12, Utes!
Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.
2011 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Total Points
1. The Professor 13-5 (15)
1. KCKCKCK 13-5 (15)
3. Special G 12-5 (12)
4. The Veteran 9-9 (11)
4. The Host 9-9 (11)
4. LFK 9-9 (11)
4. Wickstrom 11-7 (11)
8. The Cornerman 10-8 (10)
8. Miss Money 8-9 (10)
10. Strickly Cash 7-11 (9)
10. Money Traen 9-8 (9)
12. Steve Stellar 7-11 (7)
13. C-Noth 0-0 (0)
13. Vose 0-0 (0)
13. automatic 0-0 (0)
13. Lockrem’s Locks 0-0 (0)
2011 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Points Per Week (Locks)
1. The Professor 15 (1-0)
1. KCKCKCK 15 (1-0)
3. Special G 12 (0-1)
4. The Veteran 11 (1-0)
4. The Host 11 (1-0)
4. LFK 11 (1-0)
4. Wickstrom 11 (0-0)
8. The Cornerman 10 (0-1)
8. Miss Money 10 (1-0)
10. Strickly Cash 9 (1-0)
10. Money Traen 9 (0-1)
12. Steve Stellar 7 (0-1)
13. C-Noth 0-0 (0-0)
13. Vose 0-0 (0-0)
13. automatic 0-0 (0-0)
13. Lockrem’s Locks 0-0 (0)
