Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 5 Smart Money Picks

It’s the first of two Hate Weeks for The Professor’s Smart Money Picks. It’s a week to loathe our neighbors to the south for coveting our favorite pig – Floyd of Rosedale – while at the same time leading the nation in annual slaughter of said animal. It’s a week to despise Hawkeye fans for besmirching the great name of Metrodome restrooms. It’s a week to laugh at a group of fans who tried to get goalposts out of revolving doors. It’s a week to pity a state that blindlessly follows a football program that can best be looked at as a depreciating asset … mostly because, well, what else is there to cheer for in Iowa? Experts say hate isn’t healthy. Phooey. This week, let the hate flow through you. Hate you, Herky.

Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

NORTHWESTERN -10.5 Indiana

It’s hard to hate either of these teams, but I’ll go with Indiana for the sole reason that I hate to see Minnesota football compared to IU football.

ILLINOIS -1 Penn State

There’s a lot of hate coming out of Happy Valley this week as Nittany Lion poacher Tim Beckman hosts the Fighting Keisers.

IOWA -7 Minnesota

DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! The Gopher blog FBT said it best, “The Gophers may lose, but I will still not be Iowan. For even if the Iowans win, they still lose.”

PURDUE -17 Marshall

I hate that “Boiler Up!” cheer they do in West Lafayette, but not enough to pick the Thundering Herd.

MICHIGAN STATE -3 Ohio State

This is the week Sparty busts loose and proves MSU is the class of the B1Gin 2012. Also, I’m not a big fan of Urban Meyer.

NEBRASKA -11 Wisconsin

It’s the Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit, so you know where this pick is headed. Hate you, Bucky.

WEST VIRGINIA -11 Baylor

Ok, that’s enough hate. Baylor has been meh this season and West F***ing Virginia is just hitting its stride.

MIAMI -2.5 NC State

Ok, Al Golden, you made a believer out of me after posting the upset at Georgia Tech last week. I’m sure the Canes will roll over and get routed this week now.

GEORGIA -13 Tennessee

Ummm,

San Jose State -2.5 NAVY

It’s The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network! Navy has been pretty bad this season, but you can’t lose to the purveyor of awful media guide covers, can you?

Virginia Tech -6.5 Cincinnati

Steve Stellar took the Hokies and I need to make up some ground on Stellar. Thus this pick.

Florida State -17 SOUTH FLORIDA

Ohhhhh, oh, oh-oh-oh! Ohhhhhh, oh, oh-oh-oh! Ohhhhh, oh, oh-ho-ho!

South Carolina 20.5 KENTUCKY

Revenge is a dish best served ice cold.

Texas -1.5 OKLAHOMA STATE

The Longhorns aren’t Savannah State.

ALABAMA -29.5 Ole Miss

ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!

ARIZONA -2.5 Oregon State

The Professor is a Beaver Believer.

Oregon -30.5 WASHINGTON STATE

The Quack Attack keeps it rolling on their quest to get embarrassed by Alabama in the National Championship Game. Yes, I’m recycling bits from past weeks.

LSU -45 Towson

Gooooooo, Fighting Gellers!!!

Louisville -10.5 SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! [Analysis not provided]

TCU -16.5 SMU

I have absolutely nothing here. Why are we picking this game?

Clemson -9 BOSTON COLLEGE

The end.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2012 Pick ‘Em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

Steve Stellar – 50-30 (4-0) – 58 pts

The Professor – 51-29 (3-1) – 57 pts

The Cornerman – 44-36 (3-1) – 50 pts

Lockrem’s Locks – 43-36 (3-1) - 49 pts

The Host – 46-34 (1-3) – 48 pts

Money Traen – 42-37 (2-2) – 46 pts

Jeff Leach – 43-36 (1-2) – 45 pts

KCKCK – 43-37 (1-3) – 45 pts

C-Noth – 38-42 (2-2) – 42 pts

Wick to Click – 35-45 (1-2) – 37 pts

Strickly Cash – 34-46 (0-4) – 34 pts

The Veteran – 34-26 (0-3) – 34 pts

Miss Money –29-31 (1-1) – 31 pts

Special G – 23-37 (1-2) – 25 pts

LFK – 6-12 (0-0) 6 pts

The Professor in 2012 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 51-29 (.638)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 3-1 (.750)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 24-12 (.667)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 27-17 (.614)

Minnesota games: 2-2 (.500)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 9-3 (.750)

Service Academy Games: 2-4 (.333)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 3-1 (.750)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 2-1 (.667)