Pick 'em Corner - The Professor's Week 8 Smart Money Picks

I could sit here and explain why The Professor’s Smart Money Picks stand in eight place in Pick ‘em Corner. I could, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll leave you with the above video. I think it sums up The Professor’s 2013 season to this point.

Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor’s Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen. Bet Smart ®

 

TEMPLE -3 Army (Service Academy Game of the Week)

Temple made this week’s Bottom 10 on ESPN.com. Army did not. Also, The Professor would like welcome back Armed Forces Network back into the fold after being blacked out for the past two weeks due to the asinine government shutdown. On brave old Army team!

Florida -3.5 MISSOURI

A letdown week with an extra multiplier of losing starting QB James Franklin spells a Gator cover.

Akron -7 MIAMI (OHIO) (MACTion Game of the Week)

The Zips haven’t won on the road since close, personal friend of The Professor’s, one George W. Bush, was in the Oval Office. Still, Miami is bad on a biblical scale. Look for the Fightin’ Wistrcills to break the streak.

STANFORD -6 UCLA

Sad Stanford is sad.

ALABAMA -28 Arkansas (Roll Tide Turkey Game)

The Hogs are distracted, trying to find Mrs. Bret Bielema in the stands while trying to figure out how Bert so thoroughly out-kicked his coverage. The Tide, meanwhile, knows not the meaning of distraction with the Evil One as their coach. Roll Tide Turkey!

OREGON -38.5 Washington State

The Professor has been riding the big-spread wave to some needed wins, so why stop now? QUACK.

TEXAS A&M -13.5 Auburn

Stay away from this game. Sure, Manziel is a difference-maker, but this is one of those wacky, wild SEC games with lots of offense and little defense that is too hard to predict. Beware.

BYU -9.5 HOUSTON

It’s the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game (DAOtLotTTIACATG?G), brought to you by Casa de Autos. MORMONS!

NOTRE DAME -3 USC

Can I go for the push on this one? I dislike both of these programs, but I loathe the Fighting Irish. Win one for the Orgeron, Trojans! Also, Schadenfreude.

Florida State -3 CLEMSON

Give me the home field and the points and I’ll run to the bank.

LSU -8 OLE MISS

I’ve got nothing here.

BAYLOR -34 Iowa State

The Bears killed my lock last week, so I’m bitter, but The Professor loves big spreads (don’t get cute with that).

South Carolina -7 TENNESSEE

The Professor is having SEC fatigue.

Northern Illinois -16 CENTRAL MICHIGAN

Sure, the Huskies are undefeated (and they’re gonna stay that way this weekend), but they’re not blowing anyone out (save for Purdue). They’re just doing enough to win. Expect the same here as NIU gets a big lead, loses interest and wins by 13.

Texas Tech -5.5 WEST VIRGINIA

The Mountaineers have alternated wins and losses all season, so the trend here is a win. Gimme the points and the backwater hicks.

NORTHWESTERN -12.5 Minnesota (Tim Brewster Game of the Week)

Prove me wrong, Gophers. Please. Sigh.

MICHIGAN STATE -26.5 Purdue

Purdue is not a good American football team.

MICHIGAN -7 Indiana

Michigan and Indiana in the Big House and the home team with the winning tradition, 5-1 record and unbeaten mark at home under Brady Hoke is only favored by a TD? What gives? It doesn’t make sense, so I’m going to go ahead and ignore the trap and say … DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It’s The Professor’s Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

OHIO STATE -17 Iowa

Herky is a jerky. SCHADENFREUDE!

Wisconsin -12.5 ILLINOIS

Bucky is yucky. Also, Bizarro Tim Beckman Axiom. Also, SCHADENFREUDE!

Thus concludes The Professor’s Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen. Bet smart ®.

2013 Pick ‘em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. Wick to Click – 69-70-2 (7-0) – 83 pts

2. Money Traen - 72-67-2 (5-2) – 82 pts

3. C-Noth - 71-68-2 (5-2) – 81 pts

3. Mrs. Money – 69-68-2 (6-1) – 81 pts

3. Steve Stellar – 79-60-2 (1-6) – 81 pts

6. KCKCKCK – 74-65-2 (3-4) – 80 pts

6. The Cornerman 74-65-2 (3-4) – 80 pts

8. The Professor – 74-65-2 (2-5) – 78 pts

9. Strickly Cash 71-68-2 (3-4) – 77 pts

9. The Veteran 71-68-2 (3-4) – 77 pts

11. Larry the Cash Guy – 67-72-2 (3-4) – 73 pts

12. Mr. Money - 64-72-2 (3-4) – 70 pts

13. Big-Game Bob – 64-71-2 (2-5) – 68 pts

14. Lockrem’s Locks - 55-65 (4-2) – 63 pts

15. The Host - 52-67-2 (3-3) – 58 pts

16. Do You See What I Seehusen - 47-54 (1-3) – 49 pts

17. Your Pick Ain’t Schmidt – 39-60-2 (1-4) – 41 pts

18. The Line Adjuster – 3-1 (0-0) – 3 pts

19. Foreman’s Forecast – 0-0 (0-0) – 0 pts

19. auto-MATT-ic – 0-0 (0-0) – 0 pts

The Professor in 2013 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 74-65-2 (.532)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 2-5 (.286)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 33-37-1 (.472)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 41-28-1 (.593)

Minnesota games: 3-2 (.600)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 6-11-1 (.361)

Service Academy Games: 3-4 (.429)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 4-3 (.571)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 2-3 (.400)

Tim Beckman Axiom Games: 3-2 (.600)