It's Come to This: Gopher Radio Network Giving Away Radios So Someone Will Listen to Dave Lee

In what can only be labeled a sign of declining revenue due to sagging ratings, the Gopher Radio Network, a division of Learfield Sports, sent an e-mail to Gopher football season ticket holders Thursday, offering a free Live Sports Radio for Minnesota's final home game this Saturday against South Dakota State. Reports out of Plano, Texas, the home of Learfield Sports, indicate that the free radio offer is an attempt to woo back listeners to the Gopher Radio Network who have grown disillusioned since Dave Lee became the team's play-by-play voice in 2002.

"I'll be honest with you. I find Dave Lee as unlistenable as the next guy," Stan Koenigsfeld, Learfield Sports Executive Vice President for the Heartland Region, said. "But apparently he's the best play-by-play guy the people at the Gopher Radio Network can come up with. I must admit, it doesn't say much for the radio talent in the Twin Cities, but at least now, with this great offer from the folks at Live Sports Radio, people won't have to pay to listen to him during the game."

Ironically, over the past eight seasons, countless Minnesota football fans have uttered the words, "You couldn't pay me to listen to Dave Lee call Gopher football." Those fans have now been proven somewhat prophetic, thanks to this free radio offer.

The Live Sports Radios were previously available for purchase at home football games for $20 each. According to documents obtained by Mr. Heavyfoot, the Gopher Radio Network and Live Sports Radio pushed for this offer after discovering a ridiculous surplus of Minnesota-branded radios in a Mariucci Arena supply room.

"We don't really want to offer free radios to our season ticket holders, but our hands are tied on this one," a Gopher Radio Network staffer said on condition of anonymity as they were not authorized to speak to members of the media. "We have so damned many of these radios it's not even funny. But look at it this way. Here's your chance to listen to Dave Lee and those other two guys live and free from your seat at TCF Bank Stadium. Never mind that Dave Lee is the worst play-by-play guy in the history of sports. It's free! Never mind that listening to Dave Lee call the game, with NO DELAY mind you, may make it impossible for you to actually follow what's happening on the field. It's free! Did I mention it's free?"

Ratings for Gopher football on the radio have been declining ever since Lee took over the play-by-play duties from the legendary Ray Christensen, the voice of Golden Gopher football and men's basketball from 1951-2001. Lee may be perhaps best known for his complete and utter inability to describe what is happening on the field in crucial moments, from the infamous "Touchdown Ellerson!" call against Northwestern in 2003, to the thoroughly confusing botched punt call against Wisconsin in 2005, to the "...throw across the middle...It's caught!...The Gophers have it!...Touchdown Gophers!" call in describing the game-clinching 59-yard touchdown on a wild deflection from Nick Tow-Arnett to Duane Bennett in Minnesota's 42-34 win over Michigan State on Oct. 31, 2009.

The Gopher Radio Network did see a huge spike in ratings early in the second half of Minnesota's home-opening game against Air Force on Sept. 12, leading some to believe that radio listeners were willing to give Lee another shot. Unfortunately for Lee and Learfield Sports, that wasn't the case.

"Our ratings went through the roof during the Gophers' first offensive series in the second half against Air Force," the anonymous Gopher Radio Network staffer said. "We were ecstatic. We thought with the excitement of the new stadium and the new season, our fans listening to the game on the radio were giving us another chance to win them back. Turns out they were just tuning in to hear Ray Christensen again. After that series, our ratings went back down to where they've been since 2002. What does it say about our current radio situation that people would rather listen to an 82-year-old man than Dave Lee? Don't answer that."

In related news, reports out of Plano indicate that the executives at Learfield Sports are pushing the Gopher Radio Network management to dump Lee in favor of this guy: