Roses Have Thorns, Eh?

With Guy LaFleur and his kid in jackass kid in some trouble with the law in Canada, we thought it was time to revisit one of the greatest hockey/beer commercials of all time.

Fun with Mascots

We've got two big deadlines this week, so no new press releases until at least this afternoon or tomorrow. (There's so much to write about, too). Until then, we give you a blooper/highlight video of mascots. Most of the Heavyfoot community knows that we once donned a furry mascot suit during our college years. We still jump at the chance to get sweaty while dressed up as an oversized animal (did that sound dirty?), so if you ever have any need for someone to get in a mascot suit, you know where to go. We're not kidding. We had Goldy at our wedding.

Mascots we've been: Goldy Gopher, Crunch, Prowl, Bruegger's Bagel Guy, Fairborne, Fairchild, Cheapskate the Chicken, Cookie Monster, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Huckle Cat, State Fair Recycle Trash Can, State Fair Cup, RBC Dain Rauscher's Leo the Lion.

We Dream of Someday Building Our Very Own Wiffle Ball Park

What is it about Wiffle Ball that just seems to conjure up pleasant memories of childhood days gone by? Days when organized sports didn't dominate the summer schedule. Days when the most fun was had by making up games with your friends in the backyard. There's something magical about Wiffle Ball that we can't quite put our finger on.

Whatever it is, the above video and this photo gallery from a story that appeared in the Star Tribune (and video and corresponding web page) has made us put one more thing on our list of things to do before we die. We now pledge to build a Wiffle Ball field in our yard at some point in the not-too-distant future (we live in a townhouse now, so we don't technically own our yard...otherwise we'd be designing the field dimensions as we speak). And we'll start a Wiffle Ball league. As long as you can walk, you can play. Start forming your four-player teams now.

We don't, however, have any aspirations (nor chance) of being able to throw a Wiffle Ball like these guys:

All Nude...Tastefully Done

Some of you may remember this classic ESPN the Magazine spot featuring former Minnesota Timberwolves teammates Kevin Garnett and Stephon Marbury. We're not NBA fans around here at all, but we remember how excited we were to have Garnett and Marbury together back in the late 90s. Sadly, nothing came of the partnership except this hilarious ad. Plus, ESPN the Magazine has done neither a swimsuit nor an all-nude (but tastefully done) issue.

That's important...very important...to be tasteful.

Happy Cinco de Mayo. Now Beware of Flying Drums

America and Mexico may have their differences (NAFTA, immigration, etc.), but are we really all that different? To wit:

Fourth of July in America: "What better way to celebrate the birth of your country than by blowing up a small part of it?"



Cinco de Mayo in Mexico: "What better way to celebrate your country's pride and heritage than by hurling a bass drum at a riot cop in the stands during a soccer game?"

And Now, Drunk Monkeys

Happy Cinco de Mayo, Heavyfooters. We're not sure why our Hispanic friends get all fired up over May 5, but then again, why do the Irish (and Irish wannabes) get all juiced on St. Patrick's Day? Because there will undoubtedly by plenty of imbibing of Dos Equis and Corona tonight, we issue the following alcohol-related documentary. So, without futher ado, drunk monkeys.

Sadly This Video Features No Fox 9 Reporters

Given our history working with the esteemed media in the Twin Cities, we developed a measure of disdain for the local news/sports TV reporters. We're talking about you, Trish Van Pilsum.

It is for that reason we took great pleasure in watching the above video of reporters getting embarrassed, maimed, clawed, tackled, blown up, and hit by a professional wrestler, horse, plane, pie, purse, cat, guy on an inner tube, etc.

Our personal favorites are the CNN reporter getting tackled and the female reporter getting absolutely buried by a passing snowplow.

Best line from the video: "Put that on the news."

Fun With Your Baby, His Bumbo Seat and Stop Motion Video

While we work on the major Boom Goes the Dynamite announcement (warning: you may or may not consider the announcement "major"), we present a video we find amusing probably because we're the parents of a child about the age of the baby in the video. The description from collegehumor.com sums up this video quite well: "By the time this was done, he could speak and make his own videos.

Wondergirl Carly vs. Cody Paul

It's been a while since we've posted pretty much anything, so today we bring you video of child prodigies on the gridiron - Wondergirl Carly and Cody Paul. The Carly videos are from 1991 when she was the only girl in the 9-year-old's flag football league (and the No. 1 draft pick), while the Cody Paul video is from this year. Sadly, Carly didn't really go on to become a star in the sports world (damn you, puberty), and Cody will probably get caught up in a web of sports agents, overbearing parents, unscrupulous coaches and perhaps Guitar Hero III.

Cat Fight!

I first saw this on Awful Announcing and just had to pass it on. In the words of Cosmo Kramer, "C-c-c-cat fight." Not only is this video of a dust-up between a pair of college girls in the stands, it's in slow motion, with hypnotic music and outstanding captions. All in all, great cinematography and video editing.

Down Goes Ballboy! Down Goes Ballboy!

We're not sure why we laughed so hard when we first saw this, but we did. Maybe it's the French announcers. They talk funny. (Oh, keep your eye on the ballboy in the upper left.)

Fat Kids Are Funny, Clumsy, Big

We really wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't post these videos, now would we?

Here's to you: Mr. Delusional, Irrational, Hopelessly Pathetic Irish Fan

Spoofs of those Bud Light Real Men of Genius commercials are all over the place (link). But the above video really speaks to our outright hatred of all things Notre Dame. "Charlie's Headset Was Broken!"

Toddler + Soccer Ball = Hilarity

It's been way too long since we posted a video of a small child getting hurt in a hilarious fashion. We have a history of posting such videos. To wit: this and this. Enjoy.

Monday Morning Pep Talk

It's been a long weekend - the Gophers got beat by Purdue despite some outstanding on-field cheering by director of football ops Randy Taylor; Cooper, the Heavyfoot dog, threw up what must have been a quarter of her body weight after a hard frisbee-catching workout; ok, that's about it. But that's enough to warrant the above video.

This morning may we present to you a pep talk from Jim Cantafio - Chad Henne's coach at Wilson High School (Pa.).

There really isn't anything to say about his speech other than:

"DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE DANNY? DO YOU DANNY? HUH DANNY? DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE DANNY? HUH?"

Yet Another Black Eye for the Atlanta Falcons

Here's your obligatory posting of a video to prove that Mr. Heavyfoot still does exist. Here's our list of excuses for not posting recently: just started a new job, actually have to work at said job, new job does not provide the material needed for satirical news stories, good friend got married last weekend, pregnant wife won't allow us to write about how big she's getting anymore, laziness, this computer we're typing on sucks, former co-workers are paranoid about seeing their name satirized, etc. etc....

Until we come up with something good to write about, we give you the above video of a halftime football game between some Pop Warner kids and NFL mascots. As the Heavyfoot community should know, we're big fans of all things mascot, so when we come across of a video or story of a mascot, we're going to post it. About the video, in the words of the taper, "Look at the bird. Focus in on the bird." The Atlanta Falcons mascot takes out the team's frustrating on- and off-field performance by absolutely clobbering any Pop Warner kid that gets in his way.

Wrong Way, Ashley

We know. We know. We're not providing the expected content on Mr. Heavyfoot that you have all come to, well, expect. We'd apologize, but Mr Heavyfoot's world is a little hectic right now. We're starting a new job next Tuesday. Mrs. Heavyfoot is very pregnant and emotional. And our dog is as hyperactive as ever. To make amends to you, the Mr. Heavyfoot community, we present a video of an on-field CFL fan promotion gone hilaariously wrong. Poor Ashley. She really wanted that trip. Well, she got one. (Now that's comedy.)

From the "We Wish We Had Thought To Do This and Had the Actual Handyman Capabilities to Make It Happen" Department

Who doesn't love water slides? And who doesn't love homemade water slides that begin on the roof of a two-story building and end with a 16-foot gap into a kiddie pool? And who doesn't love the fact that said waterslide was made by high school kids when their parents were away for 10 days?

It's Funny When People Fall Down

In honor of Boom Goes the Dynamite falling on its face in the semifinals on Tuesday night, we give you a model and a fat guy falling. Like we needed a reason to post these videos.

The Price is Wrong, José

We here at Mr. Heavyfoot have been big fans of Bob Barker and The Price is Right ever since our mom plopped us in front of the TV at 10 a.m., every morning while she did what moms do. Since we pride ourselves in being relative experts in the long-time game show, we know bad moves when we see them, from where to put the chip on the Plinko board to over-bidding on a product in Cliff Hangers to poor putting technique in Hole in One (or Two) to the pace at which you must bid during the Clock Game to risking it on the Showcase Showdown to...BIDDING $250,000 ON ONE SHOWCASE?!?!

Poor José in the above video was in wayyyy over his head for the Showcase portion of the day. What the heck was he thinking when he bid $250,000? Did he think he was bidding on every single product he saw during that day's show? Was he bidding in yen? Has the Navy taught him NOTHING?

There's just so much in this video to love:
1) Bob: "Our top winner in the Showcase is...GAY!" - Now Bob has had his fair share of sexual harassment troubles, but this time he's 100% innocent. The contestant's name is Gay.
2) José asking, "When I bid on the showcase, you mean everything?" Bob replies, "Everything." José's eyes then get huge as he says "Everything?" - Sheesh. No José, just bid on the carpet.
3) Bob then calling him Joe - "Give me your bid, Joe." - Clearly, Bob called him Joe on purpose. Bob knew this guy was going to ruin the end of an otherwise great show.
4) José: "I bid $250,000."
Bob: "$250?" - Bob's hearing isn't what it used to be.
5) José's look after he clarifies his bid of $250,000. - That right there is a look of complete and utter confidence...or is it confusion.
6) Bob laughing at José and his bid.
7) José: "Woo!"
8) Bob giving José another shot at a realistic bid; José throwing out $60,000; Bob giving José one last little shot to re-think that awful bid before basically saying, "Screw it, that's your bid you dumbass."
9) Gay's bid of "A dollar." - The look on Gay's face after making that bid is priceless. It's like she's saying, "You idiot sailor-boy, I just punked your ass on national television."
10) The look on José's face as the go to and come back from commerical. It looks like he actually thinks he still has a chance.
11) José's reaction after going over. He has no idea what just happened. - Ignorance is bliss, right? For some reason, I see a dishonorable discharge from the Navy in José's future.
12) Perhaps the best part: Gay's reaction when she's announced as the winner. - Gay, what did you think was going to happen? You should have screamed like that when José bid 250 grand. You had that thing locked up. Were you actually nervous at the end there?