These Cheese Doodles are Delicious!

It's NBA Draft night and we couldn't be less excited. We'd be exceptionally more excited if the guys in the above video were back again this year to heckle Stephen A. Smith.

"I am Stephen A. Smith and these cheese doodles are delicious."

"Quite frankly, I think if you gave me some more cheese doodles, I might have another one."

"I don't know what I'm going to say, but it's going to be so much more important than this."

"Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, SUCKS!"

"Everything I say is important. I'm Stephen A. Smith."

In other NBA Draft-related news:


Fourth Annual KC's Draft Party Set For Jamestown Villas on Thursday

The Royal Order of KC's Draft Party has announced the Fourth Annual KC's Draft Party on Thursday, June 28, at the Jamestown Villas Townhouse Complex in Eden Prairie, Minn. Festivities will begin at 6 p.m. at 18117 Settlers Way. Scheduled to appear are draft experts 'The Veteran', 'The Professor', 'Corner Man', and 'Steve Stellar'.

"We're excited about the lineup we've put together for the 2007 Party," KC's Draft Party Sergeant at Arms Shane Sandersfeld said. "We know our audience is familiar with many of these experts from 'Pick 'Em Corner' during the college football season and we expect them to bring the same amount of consistent mediocrity to the Draft Party."

All those attending the draft will be contacted to contribute sustenance or libations to the Party. KC's famous burgers will be served as well as K-Hill's scrumptous dessert bars. Please contact the Royal Order for Draft Party favorites and to RSVP.

Today's Musical Guest: Joseph the French Beat Boxer

Before we bring you the latest update on the goings-on of Boom Goes the Dynamite softball (they finally won!), we thought we'd introduce you to Joseph, a beat boxer from the French version of American Idol - Nouvelle Star.

Not much to say about Joseph other than we tried to duplicate just a small portion of his routine and ended up drooling all over our shirt.

Brian Bellows, Superstar

We're on a bit of a run with hockey videos, so we thought we'd bring back the legendary film of Minnesota North Star Bryan Bellows getting mercilessly heckled by Pittsburgh Penguins Kevin Stevens and Brian Trottier during the 1991 Stanley Cup Finals. The video is about a year old and is definitely not safe for your sterile work environments, but is oddly addicting. We can't stop watching this and we don't know why.

The ratings for the NHL would be drastically better if this bench cam (with audio!) was a part of every NHL telecast. We've spent plenty of time on hockey benches during NCAA games and can assure you that what you see and hear in this video is by no means rare.

We're assuming that earlier in the game, Bellows may have faked an injury in an effort to draw a penalty or something. Evidently, Stevens and Trottier didn't take too kindly to Bellows' acting, resulting in the following, ahem, conversation.

Stevens: Get off the f***ing ice, you f****t!
Stevens: Bellows, you must be really hurt. Get off the ice. Get off the ice, you p***y.
Trottier: You're the best.
Bellows: Hey, you suck...
Trottier: You're the f***ing best.
Stevens: Lay on the ice like a little...
Trottier: You're the f***ing best, Bellows.
Stevens: You lay on the ice like a...
Trottier: You're a f***ing superstar.
Stevens: You lay on the...
Trottier: You're the f***ing best, Bellows.
Stevens: You lay on the ice like a little...You lay on the ice like a fraud, Bellows. P***y!
Trottier: You f***ing woman.
Unknown: ...you f***ing puke...
Stevens: Get up, you f****t.
Trottier: You f***ing got balls, you f***ing tit f***er! (laughter)

"They've turned off the lights. BUT THAT DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING!"

The above video is of the infamous Piestany Punch-Up. What is the Piestany Punch-Up, you ask? Well, it's a bench-clearing brawl between Canada (in white) and Russia (in red) at the 1987 World Junior Championships. Not surprisingly, it was the most violent melee in the history of international hockey.

The Soviets, out of medal contention, had nothing to lose. Team Canada was applying pressure, trying to increase a 4-2 lead and go for the gold medal. Then it happened. Canadian and Soviet players, fed up with the stickwork and running at each other, dropped their gloves and engaged in a 20 minute brawl that cleared the benches. With the fight out of control, the officials left the ice and the arena lights were shut off. The game was never resumed. Both teams were disqualified, and their records were erased.

Our personal favorite moments from the Canadian announcers call of the brawl:
• "They've turned off the lights! BUT THAT DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING! THAT DOESN'T SOLVE ANYTHING!"
• "I don't know how they are going to continue this game because in international hockey rules, this is NOT PERMITTED!"
• "I don't want to sound like a Homer..."

And Boom Goes the Hockey Player

It's Monday and we're starving for content, so here's a compilation video of some nice hockey hits from the 2006-07 NHL season. We're not embarrassed to call ourselves hockey fans at Mr. Heavyfoot. We'd be bigger fans if Gary Bettman would figure out that Versus is the network for the Tour de France, the America's Cup, various fishing rodeo shows, and the Great American Barbecue Cook-off, not the best professional hockey league in the world. We'd also be bigger fans if Versus was included on our Dish Network package.

Ladies of Bierman Distraught as Battaglini Prepares to Leave for Carleton

Hordes of single women that work in the Bierman Field Athletic Building are distraught this week as tall, dark and handsome assistant women's tennis coach Luciano Battaglini announced that his final day at the University of Minnesota will be Friday, June 29. A native of Brazil, Battaglini will be leaving his post at the U of M to become the new Carleton College head women's tennis coach. He will also serve as an assistant professor in the physical education, athletics and recreation department at Carleton. Battaglini will be honored at a Brazilian Carnival-themed Going-Away Party at the Library Bar & Grill in the near future.

"I can't believe Luciano is leaving and I never got my picture taken with him," Assistant Athletic Communications Director Michelle Train said. "Working in this office with all these homely guys, seeing Luciano in the hallways of Bierman has been a breath of fresh air. Who am I going to swoon after when he leaves? Geller? Romo? Pffft."

Battaglini's supervisor, Golden Gopher women's tennis head coach Tyler Thomson, expressed a hint of sadness with losing his assistant, but indicated that perhaps losing Battaglini would result in a more conducive office environment.

"Listen, I love Looch to death, but I get nothing done when we're both in our offices," Thomson said. "I mean, the parade of single women who come into our suite just to bat their eyes and say hi to Looch was getting ridiculous. I realize he's exotic and all that, but sheesh, it was a daily cavalcade of ladies in here."

With Battaglini's last day just a week away, single women from various offices in the Bierman Building are banding together in an effort to convince the swarthy and alluring Brazilian to stay at the U of M. Several women have organized into the Gopher Ladies for Luciano (GoLaLu) to raise funds to keep the swarthy and alluring tennis coach on staff at the U of M.

"Tall, dark and handsome are not exactly the words that come to mind when talking about the men of the Bierman Building," Golden Gopher Fund staffer Jessica Fleischmann said. "Luciano changed that and now he's leaving. I'm devastated. That's why I started GoLaLu. I'm not going to let all those Portuguese language classes we've been taking go to waste without a fight. Luciano, nós amamos te."

"I have a boyfriend, but he knows I'm smitten with Luciano," photographer Alicia Jerome said. "I could listen to him talk for hours with that adorable accent of his. Don't leave, Luciano. Listening to Brad James speak Australian just isn't the same."

"Before I got engaged, I had my heart set on currying Luciano's favor," Athletic Communications veteran Sara Berhow said. "I've always had a thing for Mexicans. Don't tell my fiancé."

Not every single woman in Bierman Building has joined forces with GoLaLu, indicating Battaglini's appeal extends only so far.

"Luciano is just not arrogant enough for me," Administrative Specialist Meghan Potter said. "Plus, I'm pretty sure he's never once played hockey. Those are pretty much my standards for a man and he just doesn't meet them. Good luck at Carleton, Luciano."

"I think Looch has Adonis potential, but he's no Steve Geller," Golden Gopher Fund donor coordinator Becky Hennen said.

Today's Musical Guest: Paul Potts

In an effort to prove that Mr. Heavyfoot isn't all about Boom Goes the Dynamite, Athletic Communications, Baby Kurtt or videos of children getting hurt/swearing/getting really hurt, we give you the above video from the reality television show Britain's Got Talent. Now we're not necessarily big fans of reality TV, but we know a good little heartwarming story when we see one, even if it does involve a chubby guy with really bad teeth (par for the course in England) singing opera.

Here's the background on the video from buddytv.com: "This was Paul Potts initial audition, but he actually went on to the finals and won the entire competition earlier this week. The voting wasn't even close; Paul won in a landslide....Adding to the legend, Paul Potts is an admittedly nervous man, lacks self-confidence, and was unsure if he would even show up for the auditions on that fateful day. He was over 30,000 pounds in debt prior to appearing on the show and didn't know if he'd ever sing opera again. Paul's luck has turned, however, and likely for good. The grand prize for winning Britain's Got Talent is 100,000 pounds, and not only does Paul receive the massive payday, but Simon Cowell immediately signed Potts to a recording contract on Simon's very own label."

Beer, Ping Pong and a Lot of Videotape

This video has been around the interweb for some time now, but well, we're hurting for content these days. Anyway, watch as pro skateboarder Billy Marks bounces ping pong balls into cups. Sounds riveting, we know, but imagine the dedication to come up with the various bouncy ideas, film them again and again until the ball finds the cup and then edit the hours and hours of footage you have. Just the sort of job for a pro skateboarder...or a college student.

To All Those Great Dads Out There

As an expecting father and the son of an awesome dad, we give you this tear-jerking (seriously, grab a Kleenex) music video of Dick & Rick Hoyt. Courtesy of SI's Rick Reilly: "Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars - all in the same day."

Happy Father's Day, Dad. You may not have pushed me in a wheelchair 85 times for 26.2 miles, but you've taught me what it means to be a truly great dad.

And now back to your regularly scheduled Mr. Heavyfoot content. This video has nothing to do with fathers, unless it was dad who taught this cute little girl those cute little phrases.

RIP: Mr. Wizard

Another small piece of Mr. Heavyfoot's childhood has gone quietly into the night. Following such beloved legends as Mr. Hooper, Mr. Rogers and Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Wizard (aka Don Herbert) passed away Tuesday at the age of 89. A native of Waconia, Minn., Mr. Wizard was easily one of our favorite shows, right along with "You Can't Do That on Television," "3-2-1 Contact," "The Electric Company" and of course "Captain Kangaroo" and "Mister Rogers' Neighborhood."

Here's the obit from the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

Rest in peace, Mr. Wizard. Bill Nye, the so-called Science Guy, can't hold a candle to you.