Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 3 Smart Money Picks

Status quo  (kwəʊ) — n:  the existing state of affairs. For The Professor, status quo just means making money for The Professor's Pupils week in and week out. So sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

NEBRASKA -24.5 Arkansas State

The Huskers will be angry after laying an egg against UCLA last week, so the win here isn’t in doubt. Covering, however, is. Arkansas State scores just enough points to stay within the number.

OHIO STATE -16.5 Cal

Urban Meyer > Jeff Tedford. Braxton Miller > Whoever Cal cobbled together for QB. Buckeyes > Bears.

MINNESOTA -2.5 Western Michigan

This game scares the bejesus out of this avowed Gopher fan. But as a member of the faculty, I’m fully in support of what Jer-Jer is doing with the Gophers. Western Michigan has a fast-paced offense, yes, but Minnesota will kill a lot of clock with an efficient running game, keeping the Broncos off the field just enough. Expect a close one. You scoffed when I called for a Gopher rout last week. Methinks you won’t scoff again.

ILLINOIS -35 Charleston Southern

Yawn.

PURDUE -24 Eastern Michigan

Zzzzzzzz.

Boston College -3.5 NORTHWESTERN

I have no feel for this game, but I underestimated the Cats against a mediocre SEC team in Vandy. I won’t do the same against a mediocre ACC team in Boston College.

MICHIGAN -45.5 UMass

UMass is bad. Really bad.

PENN STATE -5.5 Navy

I’m riding the Penn State Misery Tour Train as long as it will take me, giving new meaning to Navy fight song Anchors Aweigh.

IOWA -14.5 Northern Iowa

Northern Iowa kept it interesting against the BADgers, a superior team to the Hawkeyes, so the smart money is that they’ll do the same here. Plus, you actually have to score touchdowns to win by 14.5 or more. In fact, the schadenfreude is flowing so strong for The Professor that I’m locking this in. DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

MICHIGAN STATE -6 Notre Dame

Sparty is in the Golden Domers’ heads after last season’s thrilling game. Also, Michigan State is a huge jump in competition for ND after facing Navy and Purdue. Meanwhile, MSU is battle-tested after opening the year vs. Boise State.

INDIANA -2.5 Ball State

Coming into the season, Indiana could not afford to lose QB Tre Robinson, and in true IU Football fashion, that’s exactly what they did. Take the Fighting Dave Lettermans.

WISCONSIN -13 Utah State

It’s the Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit. Suck it, Bucky.

TENNESSEE -3 Florida

I’m basically just picking which team I hate less. Plus, Rocky Top sure is catchy.

Northern Illinois -3 ARMY

Don’t follow The Professor on this pick. I’m contractually obligated to go with the Black Knights here, but the Huskies are not a bad MAC team while Army is, well, Army.

Alabama -20.5 ARKANSAS

Gimpy quarterback + porous defense + John L. Smith = Crimson Tide in a laugher. ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!

USC -8.5 STANFORD

The Trojans are on a mission this season and they’re not going to let a bunch of nerds from Northern California feel good about themselves for the fifth time in the last six meetings.

MISSOURI -6.5 Arizona State

I liked what I saw from the Sun Devils in their win over Illinois. I didn’t see any of the Mizzou game. And that’s why I’m taking Arizona State.

UCLA -17 Houston

I had my doubts about UCLA when they were struggling early against Rice two weeks ago. But they pulled away in that one and erased any doubts in the convincing upset win over Nebraska last week. Expect Houston to put up a fight here, but the Bruins are on a roll.

BYU -4 UTAH

1) I hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir puts on quite the show. 2) Mitt Romney is inexplicably expected to put up a fight in the election. 3) Finally, I guess Utah lost their QB or something. I dunno. Go with the Mormons.

LOUISVILLE -3 North Carolina

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! [Analysis not provided]

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2012 Pick 'Em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. Steve Stellar – 28-12 (2-0) – 32 pts

2. The Professor – 25-15 (1-1) – 27 pts

2. The Host – 25-15 (1-1) – 27 pts

4. Jeff Leach – 24-15 (1-0) – 26 pts

5. KCKCK – 22-18 (1-1) – 24 pts

6. Lockrem’s Locks – 21-18 (1-1) - 23 pts

7. C-Noth – 19-21 (1-1) – 21 pts

7. The Cornerman – 19-21 (1-1) – 21 pts

9. Money Traen – 18-21 (1-1) – 20 pts

10. Wick to Click – 16-24 (0-1) – 16 pts

11. Strickly Cash – 15-25 (0-2) – 15 pts

12. Miss Money – 8-12 (0-1) – 8 pts

12. The Veteran – 8-12 (0-1) – 8 pts

14. LFK – 6-12 (no lock ) 6 pts

14. Special G – 6-14 (0-1) – 6 pts

The Professor in 2012 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 25-15

Statistically-Proven Locks: 1-1

Games involving Big Ten teams: 16-8

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 9-7

Minnesota games: 1-1

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 5-1

Service Academy Games: 1-2

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 1-1

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 1-0

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 2 Smart Money Picks

Class is back in session, kids. If you didn't pay attention last week, The Professor's panel-leading 14-6 record to open the Pick 'Em Corner season certainly will.

Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

MINNESOTA -20 New Hampshire
Maybe it’s just The Professor drinking the Jerry Kill-Aid, but I think this will be the first blowout in Jer’s tenure … in favor of the Gophers.

OHIO STATE – 18 UCF

They’re still the Buckeyes. And UCF hired The Host’s replacement. No one replaces The Host. No one.

VIRGINIA -10 Penn State

I called for the upset of the Nits this week and I’m calling for the Fighting Keisers to rebound this week. Does that mean I’m picking them to win? No, I’m not. They lose by 9. Sorry, Cornerman/Foreman’s Forecasts, your misery is only just beginning. Good thing you both live in Minnesota where misery is our middle name.

Indiana -14 UMASS

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! Indiana will win this game, but expecting the woebegone (look it up!) Hoosiers to be>t any team by 2 TDs, especially on the road, is asking far too much.

NOTRE DAME – 14 Purdue

Notre Dame isn’t as good as they think they are after beating Navy (Go Army!) and Purdue isn’t as bad as people think (if people even think about Purdue, that is).

MICHIGAN -21 Air Force

It’s the first of two The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network, so you know who I’m going with.

Michigan State -21.5 CENTRAL MICHIGAN

Sparty is a lot better than they showed last week and Central Michigan is Central Michigan.

IOWA -5 Iowa State

The rivalry game factor rears its ugly head in this one. Also, who hates Iowa? The Professor hates Iowa. Also, my dad, aka The Professor Emeritus, is an Iowa State alum. Go Cyclones! Also, Herky is a jerky.

Wisconsin -8 OREGON STATE

It’s the Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit. Hate you, Bucky.

Nebraska -5.5 UCLA

I can’t, for the life of me, figure this one out. This has trap written all over it, so buyer beware.

Vanderbilt -3.5 NORTHWESTERN

Vandy gave everything South Carolina could handle and nearly pulled out a big upset. Northwestern eked out a win over Syracuse. South Carolina >>>>>>> Syracuse.

ARIZONA STATE -3 Illinois

With QB Nathan Scheelhaase’s injury a concern, Tim Brewster 2.0 (Tim Beckman) doesn’t have enough to pull the upset in the desert.

KANSAS STATE -7 Miami

Convicts > Cats. What? It worked for me last week.

TEXAS A&M -2 Florida

Welcome to the SEC, Aggies.

USC – 26 Syracuse (East Rutherford, N.J.)

DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

OREGON -34.5 Fresno State

Up 56-19 with a 15 seconds to go, Fresno State kicks a meaningless FG to cover.

LSU -23.5 Washington

I like teams that have dogs as mascots, thus this and the previous pick

Georgia -1.5 MISSOURI

I like teams that have dogs as mascots, thus this and the previous two picks

Oklahoma State -10.5 ARIZONA

The Cowboys are really good. The Cats are not. That’s all the analysis I’ve got here.

SAN DIEGO STATE -6 Army

It’s the first of two The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network, so you know who I’m going with. But why? Why does The Professor always pick Army, Air Force and Navy? Putting aside from the fact that I’m a sucker for a man in uniform, The Professor has a strong family history with the service academies. Two of my uncles went to West Point at the height of the Vietnam War – with one of them in the Class of 1966, immortalized in the book “The Long Gray Line.” They both saw some relatively heavy action in Vietnam with one or both of them serving as Rangers. The Professor was brought up learning some of the material that plebes (freshman) are required to memorize. Want proof? Ask me, “How’s the cow?” Overall, The Professor just has a ridiculous amount of respect for the young men and women who voluntarily sign up to attend a school with rigorous schedule of academics, athletics and military education, not to mention the commitment of serving seven years in the military following graduation. And that’s why I will ALWAYS cheer for the service academies. Unless Army is playing Navy. Then it’s Go Army, Beat Navy!

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 1 Smart Money Picks

My name is The Professor. Welcome to The Professor's Smart Money Picks 101, a crucial part of the curriculum known as Pick 'Em Corner. I've been handicapping college football games for decades now and would like you to know that I am a two-time Pick 'Em Corner Big Ten Regular Season Handicapping Champion (2008, 2009). Pay no mind to my predictions for games outside the Big Ten regular season.

For those of you not familiar with The Professor and my process for handicapping college football games, I've included a brief syllabus:

1. The Professor is proud to return as the presenter of The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network.

2. The Professor ALWAYS chooses the service academy squad in the SAGoW, no matter the matchup or spread.

3. The Professor will provide you with a weekly prediction on which to place the bulk of your bankroll. This prediction will be known as The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University.

4. The Professor will do his darndest to avoid picking Wisconsin and Iowa during the season, but ridiculous betting lines may prevent him from doing so from time to time.

5. The Tim Brewster Theorem has returned! Put out to pasture on Oct. 16, 2010 upon Brewster’s firing at Minnesota, the theorem states that any game involving TREMENDOUS Mississippi State assistant coach Tim Brewster should be picked in favor of BULLDOG NATION’s opponent when the spread seems reasonable if it involved any other coach. The related Ron Zook Postulate was retired on Nov. 27, 2011. We pray for its return.

6. From time to time, The Professor will sponsor the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL. No analysis will be given for a game that pretty much nobody will ever pay attention to.

7. Last season, The Professor unveiled The Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit. This game prediction will include The Professor’s weekly lecture on the concept of schadenfreude.

8. The Professor's colleagues in the Pick 'Em Corner curriculum include, but are not limited to, The Host, Steve Stellar, The Cornerman, KCKCKCK, The Veteran, Miss Money, Strickly Cash, Money Traen, C-Noth, Lockrem's Locks, Foreman’s Forecast, Special G, Emily Wickstrom and a possible new member. Do not trust your money to them and their picks.

9. The Professor will use Mr. Heavyfoot (http://mrheavyfoot.blogspot.com) as the homepage for The Professor's Smart Money Picks of the Week. Given enough time and/or the hiring of a quality TA, Mr. Heavyfoot will host the Pick 'Em Corner weekly picks and standings.

10. The Professor's Smart Money Picks will be distinguished in bold (CAPS denotes home team).

Without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Minnesota -8.5 UNLV 

The Gophers should be better at pretty much every position against the Runnin’ Rebels. Plus, college football will never succeed in a place like Las Vegas, what with the dry heat and all. Pay no mention to the strippers, casinos, and whorehouses.

MICHIGAN STATE -6.5 Boise State

O Kellen Moore, wherefore art thou, Kellen Moore?

Northwestern -2 SYRACUSE

I’ve got nothing here. It’s Northwestern and Syracuse, for crying out loud.

OHIO STATE -24.5 Miami (Ohio)

Never underestimate the power of Urban Planning.

PENN STATE -6 Ohio

We all know which way the Cornerman and Foreman’s Forecasts are going in this game, but please ignore them. They’re blinded by the “We Are Penn State” propaganda machine, even in the wake of all that’s occurred in Not So Happy Valley. I’m tempted to lock this one in, but feel that would be too much for our panel’s Penn Staters to bear.

ILLINOIS -10 Western Michigan

Although it’s been retired, the Ron Zook Postulate will have some residual effects for a few weeks. Sorry, Tim Beckman.

NEBRASKA -20 Southern Miss

One does not simply walk into Lincoln and hope to escape with anything more (less?) than a three-TD loss.

WISCONSIN -28 Northern Iowa

Do yourself a favor and ignore my pick here. Wisconsin and its jackass of a coach will score early, often and without mercy in this one. Nevertheless, I’m just not going to pick Bucky in a single game this season, no matter the idiotic spread. DIE IN A FIRE, BUCKY!

Iowa -10 Northern Illinois (in Chicago, Ill.)

Speaking of dying in a fire, hellloooo Iowa. Really, aside from corn, what redeeming value does Iowa have? Ever been downwind from a pig farm? It’s less than pleasant. That’s pretty much the equivalent of sharing a border with Iowa. The Russians knew what they were doing in erecting the Berlin Wall. Like keeping East Berliners in East Berlin, may I suggest an Iowa Wall to keep the Iowans where they belong … in that godforsaken state. Also, Herky is a jerky, or so my 4-year-old is fond of saying.

PURDUE -35 Eastern Kentucky

The mustache plays.

Alabama -14 Michigan (Arlington, Texas)

Do you really think Alabama will be even slightly intimidated by Michigan and/or the surroundings? Of course you don’t. On the other hand, don’t you think the Wolverines might be just a tad nervous going up against the defending national champions, in the south, in the Jerry Dome? Methinks so. In fact, DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

INDIANA -38 Indiana State

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! [No analysis necessary]

Notre Dame -15.5 Navy (Dublin, Ireland)

Double your pleasure, double your fun in this game. Why? Well, it’s both The Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit, and The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network. First, it’s time for The Professor's weekly lecture on the concept of schadenfreude. Defined as "satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune," schadenfreude perfectly explains The Professor's feelings about schools like Notre Dame. In other words, I want them to lose. Every game. In embarrassing fashion. To teams like Navy. Which brings me to:

Anchors Aweigh, my boys, Anchors Aweigh.

Farewell to foreign shores, We sail at break of day, of day.

Through our last night on shore, Drink to the foam,

Until we meet once more. Here's wishing you a happy voyage home!

Clemson -3.5 AUBURN

Lightning round time. Go Tigers. I mean, go Clemson.

USC -42 Hawai’i

Go Rainbow Warriors. I mean, go Warriors.

Miami -2.5 BOSTON COLLEGE

Convicts > Catholics.

VIRGINIA TECH -7.5 Georgia Tech

I love me some Paul Johnson triple-option offense – still the offense The Professor thinks would work wonders at Minnesota. But what does The Professor know anyway? I only have a BA, Master’s and several doctorate degrees in College Football Prognosticating, Advanced Mathematical Theory, and General Studies. In addition, this is the first time this season we get to sing, "I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech, and a hell of an engineer--A helluva, helluva, helluva, helluva, hell of an engineer."

Tennessee -3.5 NC STATE

[No analysis given. Yawn.]

COLORADO -6.5 Colorado State

I just read a story in SI about how Rams head coach Jim McElwain (I think that’s his name) is installing Nick Saban’s “Process” in an effort to duplicate Alabama’s success at Colorado State. That’s good enough for me. Plus, rivalry games tend to play tight, so that works in CSU’s favor too.

LSU -42.5 North Texas

Too many points for LSU to cover against a plucky North Texas squad. At least I think they’re plucky. Who’s going to disagree with me? And with that, Week 1 comes to a resounding thud.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 2 Smart Money Picks

Class is very much back in session. As my students are well-aware now, The Professor's Smart Money Picks 101 is the go-to class for all of your college football gambling needs. If you attended the lecture last week, you know The Professor is atop the Pick 'em Corner standings (see below) with a 13-5 record. In addition, The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week was money in the bank for my students.

Kudos go to fellow panelist KCKCKCK for matching The Professor’s 13-5 mark in week 1. That performance is a mirage. KCKCKCK is no Professor. He doesn’t meticulously break down the numbers inside the numbers for each game. He doesn’t enlist a small army of teaching assistants and interns to break down the matchups and storylines. He doesn’t waste millions of research grant dollars each year to accurately predict college football games. No, KCKCKCK turns to BTN personalities Glen Mason and Gerry DiNardo who reluctantly give KCKCKCK about 15 minutes of courtesy conversation each week. And then KCKCKCK thinks he’s an expert when really he’s just a low-level production assistant charged with bringing Dave Revsine his Earl Gray tea every morning.

I’d waste more time explaining why The Professor is the Pick ‘em Corner panelist to listen to, but the numbers speak for themselves Pick 'Em Corner (two-time Big Ten Regular Season Handicapping Champion, 13-5 record last week).

Without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.


Iowa -6.5 *IOWA STATE
Am I the only one that thought the redesigned Cy-Hawk trophy was a perfect metaphor for what everyone thinks of when someone mentions Iowa? Corn. White people in overalls. Is there anything else in Iowa? It’s a shame this trophy has been shelved before it even made it to an Iowa-Iowa State game. The Professor loves to pick against the Hawkeyes and loves to pick the Cyclones, but ISU can’t stop the run and can’t throw the ball. If the Cyclones struggled to get past Northern Iowa in front of the fourth-largest crowd in Iowa State history, what makes anyone think ISU can hang within a touchdown of the much-superior Hawkeyes? They can’t.

*MICHIGAN STATE -32 Florida Atlantic
Whenever you have a chance to pick a Howard Schnellenberger-coached team, you do it. Plus, the Owls only lost by 13 points to an arguably better Spartan team last year in East Lansing. There’s no reason to think Sparty is 19 points better this season. Go Owls.

*OHIO STATE -18 Toledo
The Professor is not immune from learning lessons and I learned mine last week by picking against the Buckeyes in a meaningless nonconference game against an in-state opponent.

*WISCONSIN -20.5 Oregon State
I’m not proud of this pick, especially considering I also picked the hated Hawkeyes this week, but Oregon State lost in overtime to something called Sacramento State last week … at home. Bucky may be excused from taking the Beavers lightly, but Bret Bielema absolutely loves running up the score any chance he gets.

*ILLINOIS -21 South Dakota State
Touchdown Jackrabbits! One touchdown. That’s it.

*NORTHWESTERN -23 Eastern Illinois
In the hope of gaining some separation from KCKCKCK (who we all know is taking the ‘Cats), I like the Panthers.

*MINNESOTA -20 New Mexico State
My glass is full of Jerry Kill-aid and it tastes so good.

Alabama -10 *PENN STATE
The Bama defense is too darn good and the Nittany Lions QB leave much to be desired. Sounds like 10 or more points to me. Heck, I think the Tide D just might out-score Penn State’s offense. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, LFK and Cornerman. ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!

Purdue -2 *RICE
Stay far, far away from this game if you know what’s good for you. Rice hung tough for a while with Texas, while Purdue looked absolutely dreadful against Middle Tennessee. So why am I taking the Boilers? I don’t know. I really don’t.

*NEBRASKA -27.5 Fresno State
Fresno State has a history as a giant killer, so they have that going for them … which is nice. The only giant they’ll be killing this week is the point spread. Nebraska 34, Fresno State 13.

Virginia -7 *INDIANA
You don’t get bullied by Ball State and hope to stay within a touchdown of a BCS school the following week. Cellar, meet Indiana. Indiana, meet cellar.

Notre Dame -3 *MICHIGAN
It’s The Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit. Nothing explains The Professor's feelings about schools like Wisconsin, Iowa and Notre Dame better then schadenfreude. Schadenfreude also would very much apply to a Michigan loss … just not in this game. I’m actually hoping for a rare case double schadenfreude in this tilt. That is, I hope both teams are involved in a horrible bus accident prior to the game.

San Diego State -9.5 *ARMY
It’s The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (part I), brought to you by Armed Forces Network. You know the drill:

The Army team's the pride and dream
Of every heart in gray,
The Army line you'll ever find
A terror in the fray;
And when the team is fighting
For the Black and Gray and Gold,
We're always near with song and cheer
And this is the tale we're told:
The Army team ...
(Band accompaniment)
(Whistle)
On, brave old Army team,
On to the fray;
Fight on to victory,
For that's the fearless Army way.

Mississipppi State -6.5 *AUBURN
Auburn looked positively awful in eking out a win over Utah State, not Utah, Utah freakin’ State. Meanwhile, Mississippi State ran roughshod over Memphis. In a battle between the two programs that entered the Cecil/Cam Newton Sweepstakes, the loser of that contest wins this one.

Stanford -20 *DUKE
It’s the Pocket Protector Bowl! It’s Rich Nerds vs. Rich, Arrogant A**holes! It’s Brains vs., well, Brains! It’s a Stanford rout. In fact … DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

*ARIZONA STATE -7.5 Missouri
Lightning round, part 1.

Virginia Tech -17 *EAST CAROLINA
Lightning round, part 2.

*WASHINGTON -5.5 Hawai’i
Lightning round, part 3.

TCU -1 *AIR FORCE
Nowhere in my contract does it state that I must pick the service academy in a second Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week, brought to you by Armed Forces Network. So, as much as I’d like to sing “off we go into the wild blue yonder,” I just can’t. TCU is an angry, angry team that will look to take out its frustrations on the future leaders of our great nation.

South Carolina -3 *GEORGIA
The Mark Richt Farewell Tour’s home opener won’t be pretty for Mark Richt or the Bulldogs=

*TEXAS -7 BYU
This pick is for all those young men in black pants and short sleeved white dress shirts. Get off my property, you proselytizers!

*USC -8.5 Utah
Chalk this one up to The Professor picking with his heart and his head. I’m calling a Utah win here. Welcome to the Pac-12, Utes!

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2011 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Total Points
1. The Professor 13-5 (15)
1. KCKCKCK 13-5 (15)
3. Special G 12-5 (12)
4. The Veteran 9-9 (11)
4. The Host 9-9 (11)
4. LFK 9-9 (11)
4. Wickstrom 11-7 (11)
8. The Cornerman 10-8 (10)
8. Miss Money 8-9 (10)
10. Strickly Cash 7-11 (9)
10. Money Traen 9-8 (9)
12. Steve Stellar 7-11 (7)
13. C-Noth 0-0 (0)
13. Vose 0-0 (0)
13. automatic 0-0 (0)
13. Lockrem’s Locks 0-0 (0)

2011 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Points Per Week (Locks)
1. The Professor 15 (1-0)
1. KCKCKCK 15 (1-0)
3. Special G 12 (0-1)
4. The Veteran 11 (1-0)
4. The Host 11 (1-0)
4. LFK 11 (1-0)
4. Wickstrom 11 (0-0)
8. The Cornerman 10 (0-1)
8. Miss Money 10 (1-0)
10. Strickly Cash 9 (1-0)
10. Money Traen 9 (0-1)
12. Steve Stellar 7 (0-1)
13. C-Noth 0-0 (0-0)
13. Vose 0-0 (0-0)
13. automatic 0-0 (0-0)
13. Lockrem’s Locks 0-0 (0)

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 1 Smart Money Picks

My name is The Professor. Welcome to The Professor's Smart Money Picks 101, a crucial part of the curriculum known as Pick 'Em Corner. I've been handicapping college football games for decades now and would like you to know that I am a two-time Pick 'Em Corner Big Ten Regular Season Handicapping Champion (2008, 2009). Pay no mind to my predictions for games outside the Big Ten regular season.

The Professor is excited for the new Pick ‘Em Corner with various panelists in charge with selecting games from week to week. Good luck to my fellow panelists in attempting to choose games in an effort to stump The Professor. It’s a futile effort, but good luck nonetheless.

For those of you not familiar with The Professor and my process for handicapping college football games, I've included a brief syllabus:

1. The Professor is proud to return as the presenter of The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network.

2. The Professor ALWAYS chooses the service academy squad in the SAGoW, no matter the matchup or spread.

3. The Professor will weekly provide you with a prediction on which to place the bulk of your bankroll. This prediction will be known as The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University.

4. The Professor will do his darndest to avoid picking Wisconsin and Iowa during the season, but ridiculous betting lines may prevent him from doing so from time to time.

5. The Professor uses a mathematical process he created to decide games involving Illinois. The Ron Zook Postulate states that any game involving noted waterskiing head coach Ron Zook should be picked in favor of the Fighting Illini's opponent when the spread seems reasonable if it involved any other coach. The related Tim Brewster Theorem was retired on Oct. 16, 2010.

6. From time to time, The Professor will sponsor the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL.

7. The Professor's colleagues in the Pick 'Em Corner curriculum include, but are not limited to, The Host, Steve Stellar, The Cornerman, KCKCKCK, The Veteran, Miss Money, autoMATTic, Strickly Cash, Money Traen, C-Noth, Lockrem's Locks, Foreman’s Forecast, Special G and Vose. Do not trust your money to them and their picks.

8. The Professor will use Mr. Heavyfoot (http://mrheavyfoot.blogspot.com) as the homepage for The Professor's Smart Money Picks of the Week. Given enough time and/or the hiring of a quality TA, Mr. Heavyfoot will host the Pick 'Em Corner weekly picks and standings.

9. The Professor's Smart Money Picks will be distinguished in bold (* denotes home team).

Without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.


*Wisconsin -35 UNLV Thursday game
As noted above, The Professor does everything in his power to not choose Wisconsin in his weekly picks when the point spread allows. This is one such point spread. Of course the Badgers are going to win and win big, but with a new QB at the helm, it will take Wisconsin some time to get going in this tilt. I have absolutely no delusions that the Rebs will be able to hang with Wisco, but 35 points are just too many.

*Ohio State -34 Akron
A little known, but useful tool in deciding games involving Akron is the Tom Wistrcill Hypothesis. Wistrcill, as most of the Pick ‘Em Corner panel is aware, is a former Minnesota assistant AD and current AD at Akron. The Tom Wistrcill Hypothesis states that, in games involving Akron with point spreads of 30 points or more, go with the Zips. It’s a working hypothesis, but it’s enough for me in this game. Akron is a plucky little team with an adorable kangaroo mascot, while the Buckeyes are talented as always, but a team full of question marks after a turbulent offseason. Methinks 34 points is just a tad too much for an OSU squad with a new coach and QB. Go Zips.

*Boston College -3 Northwestern
Dan Persa’s limp is a limp, not a pimp walk. ‘‘Your limp could be somebody else’s pimp walk,’’ Wildcats coach Pat Fitzgerald said of his QB’s injury concerns. This is the same coach that said Tim Brewster’s 2010 Gophers were “one of the best-coached teams in the country.” Clearly, Fitzgerald’s observational skills are lacking. Until he proves me wrong, I shall hereby be picking against the ‘Cats in 2011. Sorry, KCKCKCK

*Penn State -37 Indiana State
Last season, in Pick ‘Em Corner games involving point spreads of 34 points or more, the favorite was 7-2. So why, pray tell, is The Professor going with the underdogs in all these big-spread games? Easy. Four of those seven favorites last season were Boise State. The others: Alabama, Ohio State and Oregon. The 2011 offenses of Wisconsin, Ohio State, Penn State and Iowa (coming up next) aren’t anywhere near the caliber of the 2010 offenses of the Broncos, Tide, Buckeyes and Ducks.

*Iowa -40 Tennessee Tech
See Penn State-Indiana State. Also, The Professor does everything in his power to not choose Iowa in his weekly picks when the point spread allows. This is one such point spread.

*Purdue -18.5 Middle Tennessee
Amateur Pick ‘Em Corner panelists like Miss Money or Lockrem’s Locks will look at an 18.5 point spread between a Big Ten team and a school with a directional name and immediately pick the Boilers. Folks, The Professor is not an amateur prognosticator. You can’t spell Professor without ‘pro.’ Middle Tennessee State is a decent program in the Sun Belt looking for a signature win, while all Purdue (aka Torn ACL U) has going for itself right now is Danny Hope’s lipsweater. When you’re using something called Caleb TerBush as your starting QB and you’re pinning your hopes on the paper knees of RB Ralph Bolden, you’re in trouble. In fact … DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

*Alabama -36.5 Kent State
Last season, in Pick ‘Em Corner games involving point spreads of 34 points or more, the favorite was 7-2. Pay no mind to me ignoring that stat in the above games. Oh, and ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!

*USC -21 Minnesota
The Professor is drunk on Jerry Kill Kool-Aid (tastes like vinegar mixed with sweet tea!), so take this pick as you’d like, but I’m a believer in what Kill is doing at Minnesota. Do I believe, like ESPN.com’s Pat Forde that the Gophers will pull the upset? No, not for one second. But I do believe the lack of film on a Jerry Kill-coached Minnesota team will help immensely against USC. The Trojan coaching staff has been watching Northern Illinois video to get a sense of what they might see on Saturday, but none of that video will include Marqueis Gray, Da’Jon McKnight or Eric Lair. USC will out-talent Minnesota at pretty much every position, but they will not out-coach the Gophers like they did last year. The Trojans win this one, but it won’t be easy.

*Notre Dame -10 South Florida
It's time for The Professor's weekly lecture on the concept of schadenfreude, defined as "satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune." Nothing explains The Professor's feelings about schools like Wisconsin, Iowa and Notre Dame better then schadenfreude. In that vein, I would like to introduce The Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit.

*Illinois -20.5 Arkansas State
The Ron Zook Postulate in full effect here. As a reminder: The Ron Zook Postulate states that any game involving noted waterskiing head coach Ron Zook should be picked in favor of the Fighting Illini's opponent when the spread seems reasonable if it involved any other coach.

*Nebraska -36 Chattanooga
See Alabama-Kent State.

*Michigan -14 Western Michigan
It may take Denard Robinson some time to get going in the new offense, but Michigan is easily two TDs better than the Broncos. And now, Pure Michigan:


*Indiana -6.5 Ball State (Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, Ind.)
[crickets]



Boise State -3.5 Georgia (Georgia Dome- Atlanta, Ga.)
For some reason, The Professor loves the Broncos. Last season, The Professor went 7-2 in games involving Boise State, picking the Smurf Turfers in every contest. That’s not changing here. Plus, it’s another chance for the schadenfreude angle to play out as it would be awesome to see a team from freakin’ Idaho beat up on a squad from the big, bad SEC.

Oregon -1 LSU (Cowboy Stadium – Dallas, Texas)
If this game was in Baton Rouge, I might pick the Tigers, but the potent Duck offense on artificial turf of Cowboy Stadium, coupled with the loss of LSU’s QB and top WR spell a win for Oregon. Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack!


*Hawai’i -7 Colorado
It's the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL. I dunno. Go Rainbow Warriors. I guess. Oh, and since 2007, Colorado has lost 18 straight road games. Here’s hoping they make it 19 by a TD or more.

Miami -5.5 *Maryland Monday game
Without prostitutes, yacht parties, booze, cash handouts and bounties, how can the ‘Canes be expected to be motivated to play this season? Go Terps.

BYU -3 *Ole Miss
We end Week 1 with a thud. Nice work as always, Host. Knowing nothing about either of these teams, I’ll use the coaches’ names as a way to pick a winner. Hmmm. While Bronco Mendenhall is an awesome name and very football-like, there are few names in college football more fun to say than Houston Nutt. Try it. Houston Nutt. Houston Nutt. Houston Nutt.

Finally, WHERE IS THE SERVICE ACADEMY GAME OF THE WEEK?!?! In lieu of The Host not including The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network, I give you my picks for all games involving service academies:

*Northern Illinois -10.5 Army
On, brave old Army team!

*Navy -8 Delaware
Anchors aweigh!

*Air Force -33.5. South Dakota
Off we go, into the wild blue yonder!

Johns Hopkins -8.5 *Merchant Marine
We're moving down the field to victory
Men of the Grey and Blue!

Bye week: Coast Guard Academy.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.