Pick Em' Corner: The Professor's Week 13 Smart Money Picks

Dear Wisconsin,

I hate you.

Signed,

The Professor

Welcome to Hate Week, Part Deux. 

I'll let Silky Johnson of the Playa Hater's Ball sum up how I feel about you, Bucky. Take it away, Silky. 

On to the picks. The Professor is terrible at Pick ‘em Corner this season, so a very un-The-Professor-like method of not researching games might be the answer to a winning record this week.

Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor’s Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen. Bet Smart ®

Duke -5 WAKE FOREST

This spread is way off. Even in a road arena, the Duke basketball team is far better than Vegas is giving them credit for … oh this is football?

KANSAS STATE -4.5 Oklahoma

You don’t just waltz into Manhattan and get back on track. Also, elderly coaches rule/are hilarious.

MIAMI (FLA.) -20 Virginia

I like Virginia’s logo/color scheme. I don’t trust Miami

FLORIDA STATE -57 Idaho

Holy large spread, Batman. Jameis squints way to a huge win, both on the field and in the corrupt Tallahassee legal system.

LSU -4.5 Texas A&M

I enjoy teams that have live dogs as mascots.

Oregon -20.5 ARIZONA

The University of Nike has too many weapons for the Cats to deal with. Also, I just ended my sentence with a preposition. You’re not supposed to do that. I did. I’m a rebel.

BYU – Pick – Notre Dame

My belief system aligns more closely with the Catholics than the Mormons.

STANFORD -31.5 Cal

What happened to Cal? Also, THE BAND IS ON THE FIELD!

Arizona State -2.5 UCLA

What has Arizona State done to deserve this respect? And what has UCLA done to deserve this disrespect? I don’t get it. Of course, I don’t watch much Pac-12 football, but I digress.

Pittsburgh -1 SYRACUSE (East Coast Bias Game of the Week)

I find Otto the Orange is amusing.

TEMPLE -8.5 UConn (MACtion Game of the Week in honor of Temple's former conference)

HOO … HOO … HOO … WHO CARES?!?

Missouri -2.5 OLE MISS

Is James Franklin back? I thought I heard he might be. See? No research done. 

Baylor -10 OKLAHOMA STATE

I would like to boycott this game on account that these two teams prevented ESPN’s College GameDay from making their first appearance in Dinkytown.

Boise State -7 SAN DIEGO STATE

 It’s the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game (DAOtLotTTIACATG?G), brought to you by Casa de Autos. Our sponsor identifies more with the Aztecs than the Broncos.

Michigan State -7 NORTHWESTERN

DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It’s The Professor’s Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! Like the Minnesota receiving corps, Northwestern is snakebit. Sparty, meanwhile is on a mission. WE ARE SPARTA!

IOWA -6 Michigan

Gasthof zur Gemutlichkeit threatened to pull their sponsorship if I took the Hawkeyes for a second straight week. Feel the wrath of Schadenfreude, Herky the Jerky (or Turkey, if you prefer).

Illinois -7 PURDUE

Purdue is a bad American football team … Illinois had like 137 students in the stands at home last week … the Illini coaches nearly came to blows on the sideline last week … Purdue has had this one circled on their calendar all year … Tim Beckman Axiom. Boiler Up!

PENN STATE -2 Nebraska

The Nits like the home environs. Nebraska is an enigma. Plus, the Fighting Keisers are on a high this week what Foreman’s Forecast winning a state swimming title.

OHIO STATE -34.5 Indiana

Indiana has mailed it in. Bravo, Kevin Wilson.

Wisconsin -16.5 MINNESOTA (Tim Brewster-Brett Bielma Game of the Week)

You proved me wrong last week, Goldy. And the week before that. And the week before that. And the week before THAT. Do it again. I quintuple-dog dare you.

 

 

 2013 Pick ‘em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. Wick to Click – 122-114-5 (9-3) – 140 pts

2. Money Traen - 121-114-5 (9-3) – 139 pts

2. Steve Stellar – 131-105-5 (4-8) – 139 pts

2. Strickly Cash 129-107-5 (5-6-1) – 139 pts

5. C-Noth - 122-114-5 (7-5) – 136 pts

5. KCKCKCK – 124-111-5 (6-6) – 136 pts

7. The Cornerman 123-113-5 (5-6) – 133 pts

8. Mrs. Money – 114-120-4 (9-3) – 132 pts

8. The Veteran 118-118-5 (7-5) – 132 pts

10. The Professor – 115-121-5 (5-7) – 125 pts

10. Big-Game Bob – 113-119-4 (6-6) – 125 pts

12. Mr. Money - 112-121-5 (6-6) – 124 pts

13. Lockrem’s Locks - 107-110-3 (8-3) – 123 pts

14. Larry The Cash Guy – 110-126-5 (5-7) – 120 pts

15. Your Picks Ain’t Schmidt – 91-105-5 (5-5) – 101 pts

16. The Host - 88-108-5 (5-5) – 98 pts

17. Do You See What I Seehusen - 47-54 (1-3) – 49 pts

18. The Line Adjuster – 3-1 (0-0) – 3 pts

19. Foreman’s Forecast – 0-0 (0-0) – 0 pts

19. auto-MATT-ic – 0-0 (0-0) – 0 pts

The Professor in 2013 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 115-121-5 (.488)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 5-7 (.417)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 39-56-1 (.411)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 76-65-4 (.538)

Minnesota games: 3-7 (.300)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 9-19-1 (.328)

Service Academy Games: 6-7 (.462)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 6-6 (.500)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 3-6 (.333)

Tim Beckman Axiom Games: 3-7 (.300)