Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 13 Smart Money Picks

The Professor would like to wish the entire Pick 'Em Corner panel and all of The Professor's Pupils a very Happy Thanksgiving. The Professor has plenty to be happy about, most notably a healthy bankroll after 12 weeks of superlative college football handicapping.

Kudos go to The Cornerman for finally overtaking me in the standings. It took long enough. Sure would be nice to see a little transparency with your picks, however.

The Professor would like to thank all you degenerate gamblers out there for your support throughout the season. Enjoy your turkey and pumpkin pie, sit back and relax, and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Nebraska -15 IOWA

The Professor will be having his Thanksgiving meal at the new home of Mrs. Money in Canada. Ok, it's just Brooklyn Park, but the drive there feels like we should have to pass through customs. It will undoubtedly be a time to harass her hubby (Mr. Money?) on the tire fire that is Iowa football. FACT: Hawkeye coach Kirk Ferentz ranks No. 6 in the nation for salary among college football coaches with a ridiculous $3.835 million per year. FACT: This season, that equates to $958,750 per win (Minnesota’s Jerry Kill is a bargain at $1.2 million per year and $200,000 per win this season). FACT: Nebraska will make Iowa fans even more uncomfortable about having Ferentz as their coach for the foreseeable future (due to a Pam Borton-like contract) when the Huskers cruise to a 38-10 win. Real tempted to lock this one in, but I’ll just stick with schadenfreude.

NORTHWESTERN -19 Illinois

Illinois is bad. Gopher football circa 2007 bad. But I have a sinking suspicion that Tim Brewster Beckman gets his troops fired up for this one. The Illini still lose, but they keep it within two TDs.

OHIO STATE -3.5 Michigan

This is the BCS Championship Game or Rose Bowl for Ohio State this season. With nothing else to play for, Urban Meyer turns the Buckeye offense loose and OSU rolls into the offseason after a resounding win in The Game.

Pittsburgh -2 RUTGERS

[Analysis redacted in protest for adding freakin’ Rutgers to the Big Ten.]

PURDUE -5.5 Indiana

It’s a rivalry game, so 5.5 seems like too many points to me. Purdue will win and stamp their ticket to the Heart of Texas Bowl, but the Hoosiers will fight to the end in a vain effort to make something of yet another lost season.

PENN STATE -2.5 Wisconsin

What, exactly, does Wisconsin have to play for here? That’s right, nothing. They’re already locked into the B1G Championship Game, so why risk injury when they’ll be playing Nebraska for the chance to go back to Pasadena to get absolutely humbled by Oregon. Meanwhile, like Ohio State, this is Penn State’s bowl game. Look for the Fighting Keisers to play with passion, while Bucky goes through the motions. Also, schadenfreude.

Michigan State -8 MINNESOTA

I’ve never bought into the “distractions” angle when it comes to analyzing a certain team’s prospects. Sure, the cancerous A.J. Barker provided ridiculous fodder for media moguls like Doogie and Phil Mackey, but what does that have to do with this week’s game? Nothing. I’ll bet you didn’t know, that since Glen Mason’s first season at Minnesota (1997), the Gophers are 4-1 at home vs. Michigan State. That, my friends, is a trend. Go Gophers!

LSU -12.5 ARKANSAS

I love me some John L. Smith, but LSU will send out the hilarious coach with a shellacking in Fayetteville.

Washington -14 WASHINGTON STATE

I hear Pullman is beautiful this time of year.

ARIZONA -3 Arizona State

The home team has lost the past three Territorial Cups. Plus, I prefer the Sun Devils’ color scheme.

GEORGIA -13 Georgia Tech

DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! I love Georgia Tech’s triple option attack and the fits that it gives defenses unaccustomed to such offenses, but Georgia got a practice game last week against triple-optioner Georgia Southern. That spells bad things for future Big Ten member Georgia Tech. Ok, that was far too many “Georgias” in one paragraph.

VIRGINIA TECH -10 Virginia

I hear Charlottesville is beautiful this time of year.

Miami -6.5 DUKE

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! A meaningless season for Miami gets even worse with an outright loss to a basketball school.

Oregon -9.5 OREGON STATE

The Beavers will get caught looking ahead to next week’s match-up with Nicholls State.

OKLAHOMA -7 Oklahoma State

This one’s for you, Teeks. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-klahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plains!

FLORIDA STATE -6 Florida

Whatever the under is in this one, take it. Bad Florida offense + top-ranked Florida State defense = Seminoles cover. As an aside, the fact that a team with an abysmal offense like the Gators’ can be in the national championship picture with a win here and a Notre Dame loss to USC is laughable. The playoff system can’t come soon enough.

ALABAMA -31 Auburn

Sure was nice of the schedule planners to plan a bye week for Alabama before heading into The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

Stanford -1.5 UCLA

Consider this pick one out of spite. Damn you, Stanford for ensuring we have yet another BCS title game with an SEC squad … not to mention loathsome Notre Dame. Go Bruins.

OLE MISS -1 Mississippi State

The Tim Brewster Theorem gets one more regular season chance to move back to .500. Go Rebels.

Notre Dame -6.5 USC

This is a pick built purely of hope. Will USC win? Nope. Will USC cover? Nope. Not when you’re coached by Ball Deflatin’ Lane Kiffin, your stud QB is out and your backup QB guarantees a win. Ugh.

CLEMSON -4 South Carolina

Taking a page out of Steve Stellar’s playbook, when you have a chance to take a good SEC team over any ACC team, you do it. Thanks, Stellar!

And now, because the communist, America-hating Steve Stellar messed up and didn’t provide a Service Academy Game of the Week, The Professor will give you his pick involving an institution with men and women who have devoted a good chunk of their 20s to service of their country. Shame on you, Stellar, shame.

FRESNO STATE -16 Air Force

I like Air Force.

KCKCK – 134-105-2 (8-4) – 150 pts

LFK – 6-12 (no lock ) 6 pts

2012 Pick ‘Em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. The Cornerman – 136-103-2 (10-2) – 156 pts

2. The Professor – 135-104-2 (8-4) – 151 pts

3. KCKCKCK – 134-105-2 (8-4) – 150 pts

4. Lockrem’s Locks – 131-107-2 (7-4-1) - 145 pts

5. Steve Stellar – 124-115-2 (7-5) – 138 pts

6. The Host – 125-114-2 (5-7) – 135 pts

7. C-Noth – 120-119-2 (6-6) – 132 pts

8. Jeff Leach – 122-115-2 (4-5) – 130 pts

9. Wick to Click – 110-129-2 (6-5) – 122 pts

10. Special G – 109-110-2 (3-8) – 115 pts

10. Mrs. Money –107-110-2 (4-6) – 115 pts

12. Money Traen – 95-103-2 (4-6) – 103 pts

13. The Veteran – 97-100-2 (2-8) – 101 pts

14. Strickly Cash – 93-108 (2-8) – 97 pts

15. Foreman’s Forecast – 6-12 (no lock ) 6 pts

16. autoMATTic –  0-0 (0-0) 0 pts

2012 Pick ‘Em Corner Points Per Week

1. The Cornerman – 13.0

2. The Professor – 12.6

3. KCKCKCK – 12.5

4. Lockrem’s Locks – 12.1

5. Steve Stellar – 11.5

6. The Host – 11.3

7. C-Noth – 11.0

8. Jeff Leach – 10.8

9. Special G – 10.5

10. Money Traen – 10.3

11. Wick to Click – 10.2

12. The Veteran – 10.1

14. Strickly Cash – 9.7

13. Mrs. Money – 9.6

15. LFK – 6.0

16. autoMATTic – 0.0

The Professor in 2012 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 135-104-2 (.564)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 8-4 (.667)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 47-33 (.588)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 88-71-2 (.553)

Minnesota games: 4-7 (.364)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 19-14 (.577)

Service Academy Games: 4-10 (.286)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 6-6 (.500)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 5-4 (.556)

Tim Brewster Theorem Games: 2-3 (.400)