Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 4 Smart Money Picks
The Professor learned his lesson last week. Never, ever criticize Steve Stellar and Special G. The karmic retribution will come back to bite you. Nice work, Stellar and G.
I'd heap praise on KCKCKCK after an 11-point weekend, but he decided to rub my nose in my subpar week at the same time boasting of him enjoying cold beverages and chicken wings from a Wrigley Field suite during the Dave Matthews Band concert. Somehow, karma gives KCKCKCK a free pass for all of his arrogance and braggadocio, while The Professor gets chastised for a few choice words for all-around good guys like Steve Stellar and Special G. The only thing I can come up with is that karma is being nice to my esteemed colleague in Chicago as he will be turning the magical age of 40 in early November (Happy Birthday, KCKCKCK shirts now available for pre-ordering from The Cornerman). Karma apparently is more friendly to those of advancing age. Then again, C-Noth is 17-27-2.
The Professor is still crunching the numbers to figure out his awful showing in the Service Academy Games of the Week, sponsored by Armed Forces Network (0-3) and his subpar performance in The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University (1-2). Sometimes, there is just no explanation for phenomena in the Pick 'em Corner world. How else to explain noted college football enthusiast LFK's average of 6.3 points per week in Pick 'em Corner. It just makes no sense.
On to week 4, also known as Glen Mason Memorial Cupcake Week, brought to you by PPI Sports. Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.
NORTHWESTERN -6.5 Central Michigan
Cupcake Week opens with admittedly non-cupcake game, at least by this week's standard. Central Michigan is a decent MAC team coming off a 52-14 win over Eastern Michigan. Of course, The Host with his jacked-up spine, Miss Money with her lack of athleticism, KCKCKCK with his surgically-repaired ticker, Lockrem's Locks and seven of their friends could probably put up at least 35 on EMU, so that result says nothing. Northwestern has a good thing going here with a chance to go 4-0 in the nonconference season and realistically look forward to a 6-0 mark with Minnesota and Purdue up next. There's just no way PatFitz lets the Cats have a letdown against the CMU [redacteds].
#23 MICHIGAN ST -25 Northern Colorado
This is the sort of game PPI Sports was looking for when they sponsored Cupcake Week. Some may say the Spartans are due for a letdown after last week's crazy win over Notre Dame. They may say MSU will overlook the Bears with Wisconsin looming the following week. They may also say the distraction of Mark Dantonio's heart attack will take its toll. They are all wrong. An overtime win over the Irish just motivated this team. Overlooking a team is a thing of the past as FCS teams have already posted six wins agains their FBS counterparts. And expect the Spartans to rally around their head coach with an inspiring effort. It all adds up to a big win for Sparty.
#22 MICHIGAN -25.5 Bowling Green
Ok, so Bowling Green is without their starting quarterback and the Falcons pass rush is listed by the NCAA Stats Service as 'sucks'. And yes, Denard Robinson will run roughshod over the BGSU D. All that being said, Falcon backup QB Aaron Pankratz has the size (6-6, 221) and throwing ability to torch a Michigan defense that was doing its best to make UMass look like App State. Of course, Michigan wins, but BGSU has too much firepower to get blown out.
#10 WISCONSIN -33 Austin Peay
Schadenfreude 3, Wisconsin 0. Three weeks. Three games where Bucky has failed to cover. C'mon Austin Peay, make like Cal Poly and give me another dose of Wisco-themed schadenfreude this week.
#18 IOWA -28 Ball State
Here's my rationale for this pick: Liberty 27, Ball State 23. Yes, that rationale backfired last week as Ball State hung in there with Purdue, but that was Purdue. Now the Cardinals are facing an ornery and motivated Iowa team that will be hurling the ball all over the field to protect its depleted backfield. Yes, it's INT-prone Ricky Stanzi throwing the ball, but still: Liberty 27, Ball State 23.
PURDUE -11.5 Toledo
A sucktastic Purdue offense + a craptacular Toledo offense = u-g-l-y, you ain't got no alibi. You ugly.
DUKE -6.5 Army (Service GOW)
Army alumni: Ulysses S. Grant, Dwight D. Eisenhower, George Patton, Douglas MacArthur. Duke alumni: Richard Nixon, Elizabeth Dole, Ron Paul, Jim Lehrer. I think I'll take my chances with the Corps of Cadets.
The Army team's the pride and dream
Of every heart in gray.
The Army line you'll ever find
A terror in the fray.
And when the team is fighting
For the Black and Gray and Gold,
We're always near with song and cheer
And this is the tale we're told:
On, brave old Army team!
On to the fray.
Fight on to victory
For that's the fearless Army way.
#17 Stanford -4.5 NOTRE DAME
Sports radio hosts are, as a rule, buffoons. Matt Patrick, morning drive host on 95.3 MNC Michiana Sporting News, made a complete ass of himself for saying that Mark Dantonio's heart attack was retribution from God for Michigan State pulling the Little Giants play on Patrick's beloved Fighting Irish last week. Stay classy, Matt. Expect retribution in the form of a resounding win by a team that has a tree for a mascot.
#2 OHIO STATE -44 Eastern Michigan
Ohio State is one of the only top 10 teams in the nation that doesn't actively try to run up the score. That being said, Eastern Michigan has allowed 111 points in its first three games. The Bucks won't be able to stop themselves from running up the score. If Urban Meyer was pacing the OSU sidelines, he just might try for triple digits on the scoreboard. Sweater Vest won't let that happen, but it's not like he's going to tell his players to drop the ball on purpose as they reach the end zone time after time.
#20 PENN STATE -13.5 Temple
In the interest of karma, I'm going to turn this pick over to noted Penn State enthusiast and fellow Pick 'em Corner panelist LFK. Take it away. "Thanks, 'fessor. Great to be here.
#1 Alabama -7 #11 ARKANSAS
Three weeks of picking Alabama haven't let me down, so I'm not going to stop. As much as I enjoy saying, "Woo! Pig! Sooey!", Pick 'em Corner wouldn't be what it is (a colossal inside joke between a bunch of degenerates who need better social lives) without "ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!
#7 NEBRASKA -26 South Dakota St.
DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! Oh how The Professor loves when The Host sets the spread.
INDIANA -22.5 Akron
Hoosiers. Zips. You want excitement? You got it in the nonconference portion of the Indiana schedule. Two weeks of picking Indiana in their march through Cupcakeville have yielded victories for The Professor. What makes you think I'll do anything different here?
#14 AUBURN -3 #15 South Carolina
It's The Host's Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game.
#3 BOISE STATE -18.5 Oregon State
Oregon State prepared for this game by painting their practice field blue. That reeks of a team coming in scared. Have some confidence, Beavers, for crying out loud. Who cares if the field is blue? What possible difference does it make? Do you really think covering your practice field with blue paint is going to get your team ready for Boise State? No, it won't. You've already lost if that's your plan for preparing your squad. Meanwhile, this is the last chance for the Broncos to prove to the BCS that they belong amongst the big boys. They're not going to let a team that thinks field color is a primary factor come into their house and stay within three TDs. Take the Smurf Turf.
MINNESOTA -4 Northern Illinois
Desperation can lead to amazing results. Exhibit A: Strickly Cash's desperate attempts to leave his job in Minnesota resulted in a cushy position molding the youth of Wisconsin. Exhibit B: Special G's desperate quest to join Pick 'em Corner resulted in him holding the top spot in the standings in only his second year on the panel. And Exhibit C: The Professor's desperate search for a girlfriend/wife resulted in him far outkicking his coverage with a woman who finds Pick 'em Corner the most idiotic waste of time on the planet...and who's to say she's wrong. You see, desperation can be a vital tool in getting what you want. Tim Brewster knows this. Publicly, he's not claiming desperation and calling this game as a must-win, but in the locker room he's been on his hands and knees pleading with his team to win one for the Brew. He can see his future as a tight ends coach for the Montreal Alouettes. Of course, he just ran off one of his most talented players and there are rumors of a pending revolt in the locker room, so all bets are off. Still, when coaching fails (and it has), performance lacks (and it has) and your own administration is giving you half-hearted endorsements (and it has), desperation is all you've got. As Strickly Cash, Special G and The Professor can attest, sometimes desperation can lead to amazing results.
#12 LSU -10 #21 West Virginia
Saturday night in Baton Rouge is always a circus, so LSU looks to be the pick here. However, the Tiger offense stinks and West Virginia is certainly no cupcake. The LSU defense is very good, but they haven't faced a back like Noel Devine. Expect a tight game here, but keep your money in your pocket for this one as there's no telling what can happen at night at Tiger Stadium.
Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.
2010 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Total Points
1. Special G 30-14-2 (34 pts.)
2. KCKCKCK 27-17-2 (31)
3. The Host 24-20-2 (30)
4. Steve Stellar 28-16-2 (28)
5. The Professor 25-19-2 (27)
6. Strickly Cash 24-20-2 (26)
6. The Cornerman 20-24-2 (26)
8. Money Traen 23-21-2 (25)
9. The Veteran 22-22-2 (24)
10. C-Noth 17-27-2 (21)
11. LFK 19-25-2 (19)
12. Miss Money 11-19-0 (15)
13. Vose 9-5-2 (9)
14. autoMATTic 0-0-0 (0)
14. Lockrem's Locks 0-0-0 (0)
2010 Pick 'Em Corner Standings - Points Per Week (Locks)
1. Special G 11.3 (2-1)
2. KCKCKCK 10.3 (2-1)
3. The Host 10.5 (3-0)
4. Steve Stellar 9.3 (0-3)
5. The Professor 9.0 (1-2)
5. Vose 9.0 (0-1)
7. The Cornerman 8.6 (3-0
7. Strickly Cash 8.6 (1-2)
9. Money Traen 8.3 (1-2)
10. The Veteran 8.0 (1-2)
11. Miss Money 7.5 (2-0)
12. C-Noth 7.0 (2-1)
13. LFK 6.3 (0-3)
14. autoMATTic 0.0 (0-0)
14. Lockrem's Locks 0.0 (0-0)
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