Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 6 Smart Money Picks

Why The Professor just picks games and doesn't actually throw money down is beyond me. Week in and week out (minus week 1), The Professor's Smart Money Picks just make money for his fans, The Professor's Pupils. The moola that I could have made during last season's Pick 'Em Corner championship run and this season's follow-up is mind-boggling. But, alas, The Professor is alll about his students and not about cashing in.

Speaking of cashing in, last week I announced that the lock of the week in under a new sponsor and will heretofore be referred to as "The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University." I'm sure the Pick 'Em Corner panel was just salivating at the chance to shoot down the new sponsorship with a Professor loss (especially after bucking the trend with a Georgia Tech lock), but it wasn't to be. In case anybody out there needs a reminder, The Professor is 5-0 on his locks.

The Professor has tooted his horn enough. It's time for The Professor's Smart Money Picks, East Coast Bias edition.

West Virginia -3 SOUTH FLORIDA
East Coast Bias Week opens with a thud with a game only the residents of Morganville and Tampa care about. As The Professor knows little about the Big East, I talked to easily the most famous Mountaineer alum of all time...Todd Sauerbrun. He told me that this game features teams going in different directions. West Virginia is still in the hunt to challenge Cincy and Pitt for the Big East title, while USF is basically giving up. Sauerbrun also told me that that Denver taxi driver had it coming when he assaulted him outside a restaurant.


Cincinnati -14.5 SYRACUSE
East Coast Bias Week continues, I guess. Sheesh. Someone needs to remind Pick 'Em Corner panelists Steve Stellar and The Cornerman that this show is only aired in Big Ten country (though not available in State College, Pa.). For reasons unknown, The Professor has been real high on Cincy this season and that's not about to stop now. In fact, you hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! This one makes me a little nervous as the Orange sports a quirky little offense, but the Bearcats are more than two TDs better than Syracuse, regardless of who plays QB. This pick was confrimed by Abe Bookman, Cincy alum and inventor of the Magic 8-Ball, when he said, "You may rely on it." Like the previous five Professor Locks of the Week, you too may rely on it.


NAVY -7 Temple
As part of the sponsorship agreement, The Professor's pick in the The Professor’s Service Academy Game of the Week, presented by Armed Forces Network will always be the service academy. We all know and love this. However, in the interest of full disclosure, I feel the need to let The Professor's Pupils know that I am 1-3-1 in the Service Academy Game of the Week. Consider yourself warned. Without further ado:

Anchors aweigh, my boy, anchors aweigh!


WISCONSIN -6.5 Purdue
The Pick 'Em Corner viewers can finally breathe a sigh of relief as East Coast Bias Week takes a short break and we hit our bread-and-butter with mediocre Big Ten games. Followers of The Professor know that it needs to be a special situation for me to pick the BADgers as my hate and loathing for Bucky is well documented. Special situation, this game is not. I talked to Wisconsin QB Scott Tolzien for this game and, boy, was he happy that someone was finally paying attention to him after getting snubbed for high five after high five two weeks ago in the loss to Ohio State. After giving me a high five, Tolzien told me that Wisconsin is a team divided between those who like Bielema and those who think he's a complete tool. Hmmm, sounds like how Gopher Nation feels about their esteemed leader. Anyway, Wisconsin should win this game based solely on playing at home, but Purdue is better coached and will find a way to keep this one close. High five.


IOWA -17.5 Indiana
Strange as it may seem, this is a tough one to pick. Straight up, it's a no-brainer. Take the Hawks. But 17.5 points is an awful lot to give a plucky Hoosier squad. Here's the thing: last week's Indiana loss to Northwestern is a game that will stick with the Hoosiers for some time. If Indiana were playing Minnesota this week, I'd give IU a chance for a bounce-back, but they're up against undefeated Iowa who is somehow fourth in the BCS standings. I don't know how the BCS works exactly, but blowing out teams like Indiana can't hurt. To confirm my pick, I talked to injured Hawkeye back Adam Robinson. He told me that losing him won't mean a thing as he's as anonymous as the next Iowa running back. Whether it's Robinson, Paki O'Meara or autoMATTic at tailback, Iowa cruises in this one.


BOSTON COLLEGE -4 Central Michigan
Did you enjoy our brief soiree into Big Ten country? I hope so, because East Coast Bias Week is back in full effect with this game. A plea to The Host: NEVER GIVE UP THE CHOOSING OF GAMES AGAIN TO CORNERMAN AND STEVE STELLAR!. Thank you. Now on to this game. I wasn't sure who to go with here, so I talked to sports media legend Dick Enberg, a CMU alum. He told me that he personally witnessed the fighting ability of the Chippewas when they fought with the British in the War of 1812. I thought Dick was falling into another bout with senility, but upon further research on Wikipedia, it appears Enberg actually is 207 years old, so he does know what he's talking about. What? You say I'm making a mockery of Pick 'Em Corner? No. I say, the mockery of Pick 'Em Corner was made when we were forced to pick games that involved all these irrelevant East Coast teams. So there.


Florida -16 Georgia (at Jacksonville)
It's the Underwhelming Bowl. You're probably asking how a game involving the No. 1 team in the nation, Tim Tebow, Uga MCMXII and a Cocktail Party can be considered underwhelming. I'll tell you how. The No. 1 team in the nation, Florida, is undefeated, yes, but has been underwhelming in how they got there. Tim Tebow is still The Chosen One, yes, but his performance has been underwhelming in his swan song in Gainesville. Georgia, meanwhile, has been underwhelming in pretty much every aspect of the game, to the tune of a 4-3 record. Uga MCMXII has not been underwhelming, so my apologies to him (her?). Anyway, this week is all about Florida. This is their chance to prove they belong on the top. This is Tebow's chance to distance himself in the Heisman race. Sixteen points is an awful lot in a rivalry game like this, but Florida has plum run out of excuses and will assert their dominance on a team they love to hate.


Miami -7 WAKE FOREST
Speaking of a team The Professor loves to hate, it's Miami. Still, I'm glad Steve Stellar finally gets to pick a game which features one of his squads. That's as much breakdown as you'll be getting out of me. I'm tired of East Coast Bias Week.


Michigan -8.5 ILLINOIS
As it appears that The Professor is now Pick 'Em Corner's marketing director, given all the sponsors I've procured, I've signed Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus to be the sponsor for this and all future games involving Illinois. This agreement will continue in perpetuity until Ron Zook is fired as head coach of the Illini. Until then, on with the clown show that is Illinois football. The reason for the sponsorship is simple: When gamblers bet against the Illini, they win. It's a proven fact. To wit: In the four Pick 'Em Corner games involving Illinois this season, gamblers who went with the Illini's opponent are 3-0-1. Do I really need to break this game down any further? No. I don't.


OHIO STATE -39.5 New Mexico State
Lightning round time. Ohio State seems back on track and I know nothing about the Wolfpack, but 39.5 points is a ton.


Penn State -13.5 NORTHWESTERN
I talked to Admiral Akbar for this game and he told me what he always tells me: "It's a trap!" Thanks, Admiral, but you haven't been relevant for a long, long time in a galaxy far, far away. Yes, I know this game for PSU is sandwiched between Michigan and Ohio State. And yes, I know Northwestern is feeling good about themselves after the comeback win over Indiana. But, c'mon. Northwestern has reached their "just hold on until we play Illinois and Wisconsin" stretch of games with back-to-back tilts against PSU and Iowa. The 'Cats are just praying to get through the next two games alive to give themselves a chance at the Pizza Pizza Bowl. The Nits, meanwhile, are firing on all cylinders. In fact, Penn State has allowed just 13 points in their last three games. If I didn't go out on a limb and pick Cincy for my lock, this would be it. Take the Fighting Keisers.


Michigan State -6 MINNESOTA
Wow does it suck to be a Gopher fan sometimes. I, of course, want the team to win every game and be relevant on the conference and national stage. Now, being a Gopher fan, I know this won't likely happen in my lifetime, save for a lightning in a bottle type of season. On the other hand, I want nothing more than to get rid of Tim Brewster. I have never NEVER been a fan of this snake oil salesman (that's old-timey for used car salesman). For that reason, I want the Gophers to lose the remainder of their games to become even more irrelevant on the conference and national stage. Sadly, this is far more likely to happen than the above scenario. On another hand, there are only a handful of coaches (Bielema, I'm looking at you) that provide the unintentional comedy that Brewster does week in and week out. What to do? Look at history, that's what. History has told me that Tim Brewster has never NEVER won a game in which he's supposed to win. This is one of those games. So I guess that means I'm cheering for the Goof Troop to lose the rest of their games. Unintentional comedy, I'll miss you (unless we hire John L. Smith).


Texas -9 OKLAHOMA STATE
The Professor is getting tired, so it's time for three lightning round games to wrap it up. OSU is missing too much and Texas is hitting its stride. Hook 'em Horns.


USC -3.5 OREGON
The Professor is a perfect 3-0 when picking the Ducks. The Professor is 0-1 when picking against the Ducks. The Professor is 1-2 when picking the Trojans. The Professor is 1-0 when picking against the Trojans. That all adds up to The Professor picking the Ducks and picking against the Trojans.


NOTRE DAME -30 Washington State
I thought for sure East Coast Bias Week was going to rear it's ugly head again and we'd be picking Rutgers-UConn or Georgetown-Old Dominion.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by the City of Chanhassen.