Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 4 Smart Money Picks

I'll bet you thought The Professor was on sabbatical for this season after his first two weeks of picks. I'll bet you thought The Professor got tenured, so he decided to pull a "KCKCKCK as lame duck Athletic Communications Director" routine with his college football handicapping. I'll bet you thought The Professor was a flash in the pan, a one-hit wonder after last season's Pick 'Em Corner Championship.

Well, you thought wrong. The Professor is back and class is in session. So sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and get ready for this week's edition of The Professor's Smart Money Picks.

Pittsburgh -3 RUTGERS

We kick things off with a Big East game that The Professor could care less about. But The Professor being The Professor did his research as I talked to local media celebrity Larry Fitzgerald Sr. After sitting through 45 minutes of Larry explaining to me that the reason Kurt Warner isn't throwing to his son is clearly racial bias, we finally got down to the Panthers vs. Scarlet Knights. When Larry got done pumping his son's tires, he actually gave me great insight. He told me that Rutgers is relying on a true freshman at QB and that this is really the Knights' first real test of the season. Meanwhile, Pitt brings a good defense that will dare the Rutgers QB to beat them. Sadly, you won't see this kind of insight in the Spokesman-Recorder.

MICHIGAN STATE -12.5 Northwestern

This game all comes down to something we know really well in Gopher Nation...mediocrity. To get a good grasp on what it takes to be truly mediocre, I talked to one of The Host's best friends, current Big Ten Network analyst extraordinaire Glen Mason. Mase admitted to his Gopher teams' mediocrity in scheduling and results, but countered with the absence of mediocrity in his wardrobe, extra-white teeth and surgically-enhanced wife. Touché, Coach Mason, touché. In the end, though, Mase told me that Michigan State mediocrity will beat Northwestern mediocrity any day of the week. He's probably correct in that MSU will win this game, but The Professor has a sneaking suspicion that NU will keep this one close, but still lose in mediocre fashion.

MICHIGAN -29.5 Delaware State

The Professor didn't even bother to talk to anyone for this game after seeing that Delaware State lost 9-7 at home to Bethune-Cookman last week. Tate Forcier, Denard Robinson or a homeless woman at quarterback, Michigan is going to destroy the Hornets. I'm tempted to make this my lock, but The Professor got scared off by the large spread.

Texas -3 Oklahoma (Neutral Site-Dallas)
The Professor is really torn on this game. On one hand, you have the big question mark that is Sam Bradford. On the other hand, you have that God-awful first-half performance by the 'Horns against Colorado last week. What ever is The Professor to do? Talk to one-time Pick 'Em Corner panelist Teeks, that's what. Teeks, otherwise known as Kuko or Tory-Tory-Tory, told me that although Bradford is back, he's not yet 100 percent. Teeks has been watching an awful lot of Sooner practices this week and assures me that Bradford is extremely erratic and a little tentative. If I know anything, it's that you should trust in Teeks (except when it comes to having him come up to bat with runners in scoring position).

WISCONSIN -2.5 Iowa
In a battle that should be labeled "The Hate Bowl" because The Professor hates everything to do with these two schools, we have poorly-coached Wisconsin against boring-to-watch Iowa. I didn't bother to talk to anyone for this game as the thought of speaking to someone from these two God-forsaken states makes me ill (sorry, Host, Strickly Cash and C-Noth). Instead, I just broke this game down old-fashioned like. First, Iowa. The Hawkeyes are 6-0 with quality wins over Penn State and Michigan. Wisconsin, on the other hand has wins over cupcakes (Wofford), mid-majors (Northern Illinois, Fresno State) and medicority (Michigan State, Minnesota). Oh, and a resounding loss to Ohio State. That's it, I'm doing it. You hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's the MasterLock Triple Strong Lock of the Week! There's just too much in favor of the Hawkeyes in this one, on the road or not. Need I remind you that The Professor is 3-0 on his locks this season?

Ohio State -13.5 PURDUE
Let me get this straight. Last week, a mediocre Minnesota beats an awful Purdue by 15 and a decent Ohio State beats an slightly above average Wisconsin by 18. And yet, the Buckeyes are favored by only 13.5? What gives? To find out, I talked to famous OSU alum Jack Nicklaus. He told me that the bookmakers in Vegas are still holding onto the thought that the Boilers are the best 1-5 team in the nation despite a lot of evidence to the contrary. He also told me that the Ohio State offense is so anemic right now that the Bucks might not be able to pull away from Boiler Up. Wow, great breakdown, Golden Bear. It'd be nice to see Gerry DiNardo come up with half as high-quality of an analysis. All that being said, Nicklaus wasn't at TCF Bank Stadium last week when Purdue kept shooting themselves in the foot over and over. If Purdue Pete can't handle the mediocre Minnesota, how is he going to overcome the best team in the Big Ten (for what it's worth)? OSU gets its offense going and Purdue turns the ball over five times. Take the Bucks.

AIR FORCE -10.5 Wyoming
It's The Professor's Ro-Tel Service Academy Game of the Week. And the only way I know how to give you my pick is to sing. So, here goes:

Off we go into the wild blue yonder,
Climbing high into the sun;
Here they come zooming to meet our thunder,
At 'em boys, Give 'er the gun!
Down we dive, spouting our flame from under,
Off with one hell of a roar!
We live in fame or go down in flame.
Nothing can stop the U.S. Air Force!

usc -10 NOTRE DAME

This game means everything for the Irish and the Heisman hopes of Jimmy Clausen. The game is in South Bend. It's the last marquee game on the Notre Dame schedule. Go with the Irish, right? Wrong. While Charlie Weis has been going on and on this week over the significance of this game for the Irish, Pete Carroll has his team do a slip 'n slide competition. That's enough for me. The Professor loves him some slip 'n slide. Fight on.

NEBRASKA -10.5 Texas Tech

Lightning round time. Nebraska is pretty good and 2009 Texas Tech isn't anywhere close to 2008 Texas Tech. Take the Huskers.

FLORIDA -24.5 Arkansas

For this game, I talked to Nolan Richardson...only because he's the only guy I could think of related to Arkansas. He told me that the Hogs have virtually no chance to win this game with their suspect defense, the offense seems to be the gridiron version of 40 Minutes of Hell. To wit, thanks to the emergence of QB Ryan Mallett, Arkansas has scored 48, 41, 47, and 44 points (pay no mind to their 35-7 loss to Bama). Great point, Coach. This Arkansas team can put up some points and Florida is coming off a taxing game, mentally and physically, on the road at LSU. Look for the Gators to take the Hogs lightly at home, keeping the game close until pulling away by three TDs in the fourth quarter. Woooooo, pig sooey!

PENN STATE -16.5 Minnesota

Gopher Nation has been Penn State's achilles heel in recent years, so that trend is enough to pick the Brew Crew in this one (despite the fact that Brewster is facing the Nits for the first time). But to confirm my suspicions, I talked to biggest PSU fan I know - LFK. She went on a tirade about how people should lay off Joe Paterno. "He's a living legend!" LFK screamed. "They named a library after the guy and he's still alive. Not to mention a football coach. Bobby Bowden can't hold JoePa's jock." Thanks for that, LFK. LFK's thoughts aside, Penn State is a good football team, but not great. The offense has the ability to put up points against so-so defenses (a la Minnesota and Illinois), but goes in the tank against good defense (a la Iowa). On the other side of the ball, the Nits secondary is a mess and now they have to face the best receiver in the league. Meanwhile, the Gopher run game showed some life last week and may finally give Brewster's Boys some balance to keep PSU off-balance. I'd love to go out on a limb and call a Gopher upset here, but I'm afraid LFK and her sidekick, The Cornerman, might hunt me down and beat me to a pulp. Instead, I'll just say the Gophers cover.

Virginia Tech -3 GEORGIA TECH

Lightning round time. The Hokies are sneaky good, while the Ramblin' Wreck can struggle to keep up with their Air Force-like offense. Take VT.

Illinois -2 INDIANA

The Ron Zook Farewell Tour hits Bloomington this week and is now featuring a team that has thrown in the towel. Sure, it's a team full of veterans who should know better, but keep in mind these guys were recruited by Zook. Their careers apexed when they were being recruited, much like Zook and his ability to bring in top-shelf talent only to see them get worse year by year under his tutelage. Indiana, meanwhile is, oh who am I kidding? Who cares about Indiana? They're playing a team coached by Ron Zook. Indiana cruises to a 14-point win.

ALABAMA -17 South Carolina

Seventeen points is an awful lot to give a Gamecock team that has been surprisingly decent this season, but Alabama has the best defense in the nation and owns an offense that has also put up a lot of points against some prett good teams. Bama's defense allows their offense to gain just enough points to cover. It might be a 24-6 or 21-3 win, but it's enough for The Professor to do what seems below him when he says, ROLL TIDE TURKEY!

OKLAHOMA ST. -7 Missouri

Really think The Host is starting to mail it in already this season. THIS is the game he decides to close the show with? They second- or third-most significant Big 12 game on the slate this week? Nice work, Host, nice work. Well, to follow his lead, I'll just pick a team and end this week's edition of Pick 'Em Corner on a low note. I like the Cowboys.

And with that dud, thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks.