Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 12 Smart Money Picks

And now, for absolutely no reason other than I can't come up with something creative to open this edition of The Professor's Smart Money Picks, I give you the Pick ‘em Corner Panel School Loyalties (schools listed in order of importance to the panelists):

·         autoMATTic (defunct) – Minnesota, Arizona State

·         C-Noth – Wisconsin, Wisconsin-Milwaukee

·         Foreman’s Forecast (defunct) – Penn State, Wayzata HS, Minnesota

·         Jeff Leach - UW-Eau Claire, Palmer College of Chiropractic, Minnesota

·         KCKCKCK – Minnesota, Northwestern

·         Lockrem’s Locks – Montana, South Dakota State, Minnesota, NSIC schools, RMAC schools

·         Money Traen – Minnesota, Minnesota State-Mankato

·         Mrs. Money – Minnesota, Army, Minnesota Duluth, Iowa State, Iowa

·         Special G – Pepperdine, Phoenix-Sacramento, Minnesota

·         Steve Stellar – Towson, Miami, Georgetown, Minnesota, Delaware, Georgia, Pacific

·         Strickly Cash – Wisconsin, Neenah HS, WIAC schools, All other Division III schools

·         The Cornerman – Penn State, Minnesota, Portland State

·         The Host – Iowa, Alabama, Minnesota State-Mankato, Sioux Falls

·         The Professor – Minnesota, Army, Minnesota Duluth, Iowa State

·         The Veteran – Minnesota, Augsburg

·         Wick to Click – Minnesota, Illinois, Winona State

Without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

MICHIGAN STATE -7.5 Northwestern

DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! I don’t understand this line at all. What has Sparty done to deserve to be a 7.5 favorite over a 7-3 Northwestern squad. “Well, they are playing at home,” you say. Uh huh. Michigan State is winless in the Big Ten at home. I know my cohorts say, “If a line looks too good to be true, it probably is.” I say, bah humbug. Take the Cats, the points and all the money you make all the way to the bank

MICHIGAN -16.5 Iowa

The tire fire that is Iowa football is in five-alarm mode right about now. And the fumes smell so good. The Professor says, “I love the smell of 2012 Iowa football in the morning. Smells like … Schadenfreude.”

PENN STATE -17.5 Indiana

One does not simply walk into Happy Valley after giving up 564 yards on the ground and expect to stay within 17.5 points of an angry Fighting Keisers team.

NEBRASKA -20 Minnesota

Do I believe Minnesota will improve their bowl chances from smoggy Houston to meh Dallas or even-more-meh Tempe with a win or two the next couple of weeks? No. Do I believe Nebraska will play awful in the first half again, allowing Minnesota to keep this one close? No. Do I believe the Gophers can stay within 20 points of a Huskers team with its eye set on a B1G title? No. So why am I picking Minnesota? Because I can’t in good conscience cheer for the Gophers to lose by 20 or more points.  

WISCONSIN -2.5 Ohio State

Ohio State is not Indiana. Bret Bielema has been sticking his chest out at all the Madison frat parties this week after running roughshod over the Hoosiers. That confidence will be his downfall this week. And also perhaps the coed he supplied those peppermint schnapps to in the hopes of currying favor with the young lass.

Purdue -6 ILLINOIS

See Iowa Tire Fire minus the Schadenfreude.

CINCNINNATI -6 Rutgers

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! [No analysis provided]

ARMY -3.5 Temple

Time for our weekly look-in at our troops stationed overseas … … troops wave to the camera.

MIAMI -6.5 South Florida

Earlier this season, South Florida lost by nine points to Temple, a 3.5 underdog to Army this week. That being said, never, ever trust Steve Stellar’s Hurricanes. You have been warned.

MISSISSIPPI STATE -6 Arkansas

Helloooooo, Tim Brewster Theorem.

USC -3.5 UCLA

The Trojans score a late touchdown to go up 34-31. Lane Kiffin inexplicably decides to go for two. The conversion fails. UCLA covers.

LSU -18.5 Ole Miss

Lightning round time.

OKLAHOMA STATE -10 Texas Tech

Lightning round again.

NOTRE DAME -23.5 Wake Forest

Wake Forest is awful, but Notre Dame is fully capable of playing down to its competition. See: narrow wins over Purdue, BYU and Pitt.

Utah State –3 LOUISIANA TECH

Huh?

Oklahoma -11 WEST VIRGINIA

Stick a fork in West F***ing Virginia, they’re done.

MISSOURI -4.5 Syracuse

In the Carrier Dome, take the Orange. In Columbia, don’t take the Orange. Simple. Also, Minnesota beat Syracuse.

Kansas State -12.5 BAYLOR

You scoffed when I told you Baylor’s passing offense would keep the Bears within 21.5 points last week at Oklahoma. Well, this ain’t Oklahoma.

OREGON -20.5 Stanford

Let’s Play Hockey columnist Jack Blatherwick loves the Ducks. And who am I to argue with Jack Blatherwick?

OREGON STATE -14.5 Cal

I no longer am suffering from Beaver Fever. Go Dirty Golden Bears.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2012 Pick ‘Em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. The Cornerman – 123-96-2 (9-2) – 141 pts

2. The Professor – 126-93-2 (7-4) – 140 pts

3. Lockrem’s Locks – 122-96-2 (7-3-1) - 136 pts

4. KCKCKCK – 121-98-2 (7-4) – 135 pts

5. The Host – 117-102-2 (5-6) – 127 pts

6. Steve Stellar – 110-109-2 (7-4) – 124 pts

7. Jeff Leach – 114-103-2 (4-5) – 122 pts

8. C-Noth – 109-110-2 (6-5) – 121 pts

9. Wick to Click – 100-119-2 (6-4) – 112 pts

10. Special G – 96-103-2 (3-7) – 102 pts

11. Mrs. Money –94-103-2 (3-6) – 100 pts

12. The Veteran – 89-88-2 (2-7) – 93 pts

13. Money Traen – 85-93-2 (3-6) – 91 pts

14. Strickly Cash – 81-100 (1-8) – 83 pts

15. Foreman’s Forecast – 6-12 (no lock ) 6 pts

16. autoMATTic –  0-0 (0-0) 0 pts

2012 Pick ‘Em Corner Points Per Week

1. The Cornerman – 12.8

2. The Professor – 12.7

3. Lockrem’s Locks – 12.4

4. KCKCK – 12.3

5. The Host – 11.5

6. Steve Stellar – 11.3

7. Jeff Leach – 11.1

8. C-Noth – 11.0

9. The Veteran – 10.3

10. Wick to Click – 10.2

10. Special G – 10.2

12. Money Traen – 10.1

13. Mrs. Money –10.0

14. Strickly Cash – 9.2

15. LFK – 6.0

16. auto-MATT-ic – 0.0

The Professor in 2012 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 126-93-2 (.575)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 7-4 (.636)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 43-31 (.581)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 83-62-2 (.571)

Minnesota games: 4-6 (.400)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 17-13 (.567)

Service Academy Games: 4-9 (.308)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 5-6 (.455)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 5-4 (.556)

Tim Brewster Theorem Games: 2-2 (.500)

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 11 Smart Money Picks

Leading Pick ‘Em Corner for the vast majority of the 2012 season, The Professor has continued to hold his title as the premier college football prognosticator in the nation. But let’s put into context just how impressive The Professor’s performance has been this year.

Name me another member of Pick ‘Em Corner who is beholden to always picking a certain way, week in and week out. You can’t. Every week, The Professor picks against hateful institutions Wisconsin, Iowa and Notre Dame, all in the interest of Schadenfreude.

Likewise, The Professor is under contract to always select Army, Navy or Air Force in The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network.

Likewise, The Professor always employs the Tim Brewster Theorem in games involving TREMENDOUS Mississippi State assistant coach Tim Brewster should be picked in favor of BULLDOG NATION’s opponent when the spread seems reasonable if it involved any other coach.

No other Pick ‘Em Corner panelist is beholden to such contracts and theorems, and yet has been as overwhelmingly successful as The Professor, proving once and again that The Professor is the prognosticator to trust.

Without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Wisconsin -7 INDIANA

This is the ultimate Schadenfreude game what with the wacky situation in the Leaders Division this season. If the Hoosiers win, they will be tied for the division lead among eligible teams and they will hold the tiebreaker over the Badgers by virtue of the win. Both teams would be 3-3, while Indiana would be 5-5 overall. If both teams then lost their final two Big Ten games, Indiana would go to the conference title game despite having a 3-5 record in the conference and a 5-7 record overall -- one win shy of bowl eligibility. There is absolutely no reason to cheer for Wisconsin in this game if you truly enjoy unintentional comedy.

MICHIGAN -11.5 Northwestern

The bye week for Northwestern will help keep this one close.

IOWA -5 Purdue

My selection here is a reminder of the contracts I’ve signed. Despite my head telling me Iowa will roll in this game, my contract with Gasthof zur Gemutlichkeit requires me to select the Boilermakers in the interest of Schadenfreude.

NEBRASKA -7.5 Penn State

Vegas is giving far too many points for a darn good Penn State team. The oddsmakers apparently still think this is the same Nittany Lion team that opened with losses to Ohio and Virginia, not the team that is 4-1 in the Big Ten.

Minnesota -3.5 ILLINOIS

This game will define Minnesota’s season. Win and the Gophers are bowl eligible and able to say the program is going in the right direction. Lose and pray for a miracle in Lincoln or an unlikely win at home against Michigan State. That sense of urgency will push Minnesota to the win here and the Meineke Car Care Bowl. DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

TROY –pick em- Navy

The Professor is 3-8 in Service Academy Games … and still leading Pick ‘Em Corner. Enough said.

Louisville -3 SYRACUSE

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! [No analysis provided]

TEXAS -10.5 Iowa State

Texas seems to be turning the corner, while the Cyclones are 1-3 in the last four weeks. Once again, however, The Professor’s allegiances win out.

VIRGINIA -1 Miami

I don’t trust either of these teams, so I’m just picking the home squad and hoping I’m right.

SOUTH CAROLINA -14 Arkansas

Seems like too many points for a Hogs team that always plays Cocky close. Plus, John L. Smith.

STANFORD -4 Oregon State

Oregon State got back on track against a tough Arizona State team last week and will move to 4-1 on the road in the Pac 12 this season.

USC -9 Arizona State

The fully inflated footballs will keep the Sun Devils in this game until the fourth quarter when Lane Kiffin finds yet another way to cheat and cover.

OKLAHOMA STATE -7.5 West Virginia

West Virginia is reeling after three straight losses, so desperation dictates that they keep this one close in Stillwater.

OKLAHOMA -21.5 Baylor

That’s just too many points to give a team with the top-ranked passing offense in the nation.

ALABAMA -14 Texas A&M

The Host couldn’t be more wrong with his locking in of the Aggies in this one. Every national championship contender has to sweat out at least one close game to make it to the promised land. That game was last week for Alabama. After seeing their title hopes almost slip away, the Tide come into this game refocused and ready to give the Aggies a taste of what the top of the SEC is like. Plus, The Host is a full 12 points behind The Professor. Why trust him?

Kansas State -7.5 TCU

The Collin Klein Heisman Campaign notches another big win and Kansas State keeps its undefeated season going in a raucous atmosphere at night in Fort Worth.

Georgia -16 AUBURN

The Professor is having SEC/Big 12 fatigue. Go Dogs, I guess.

LSU -14.5 Mississippi State

Helloooooo, Tim Brewster Theorem.

NOTRE DAME -18.5 Boston College

Boston College brings their hard hat lunch pail to the field and makes it a long day for the Irish. Also, Schadenfreude.

OREGON -28 CAL

The Quack Attack keeps it rolling on their quest to get embarrassed by Alabama in the National Championship Game. Yes, I’m recycling bits from past weeks. Also, Jeff Tedford sucks.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2012 Pick ‘Em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. The Professor – 116-85 (6-4) – 128 pts

1. The Cornerman – 112-89 (8-2) – 128 pts

3. Lockrem’s Locks – 113-87 (7-3) - 127 pts

4. KCKCKCK – 108-93 (6-4) – 120 pts

5. The Host – 108-93 (4-6) – 116 pts

6. Jeff Leach – 105-94 (3-5) – 111 pts

6. Steve Stellar – 99-102 (6-4) – 111 pts

8. C-Noth – 97-104 (6-4) – 109 pts

9. Wick to Click – 94-107 (6-3) – 106 pts

10. The Veteran – 82-78 (1-7) – 84 pts

11. Mrs. Money –85-97 (3-5) – 91 pts

12. Special G – 86-95 (2-7) – 90 pts

13. Strickly Cash – 81-100 (1-8) – 83 pts

14. Money Traen – 75-85 (3-5) – 81 pts

15. LFK – 6-12 (no lock ) 6 pts

16. auto-MATT-ic – 0.0

2012 Pick ‘Em Corner Points Per Week

1. The Professor – 12.8

1. The Cornerman – 12.8

3. Lockrem’s Locks – 12.7

4. KCKCK – 12.0

5. The Host – 11.6

6. Jeff Leach – 11.1

6. Steve Stellar – 11.1

8. C-Noth – 10.9

9. Wick to Click – 10.6

10. The Veteran – 10.5

11. Money Traen – 10.13

12. Mrs. Money –10.11

13. Special G – 10.0

14. Strickly Cash – 9.22

15. LFK – 6.0

16. auto-MATT-ic – 0.0

The Professor in 2012 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 116-85 (.577)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 6-4 (.600)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 40-29 (.580)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 76-56 (.576)

Minnesota games: 3-6 (.333)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 15-12 (.556)

Service Academy Games: 4-8 (.333)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 5-5 (.500)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 5-3 (.625)

Tim Brewster Theorem Games: 1-2 (.333)

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 10 Smart Money Picks

The Professor should be doing actual work right now. The Professor should be researching to become a more educated voter as Election Day is imminent. The Professor should also probably be at home with his sick two-year old instead of going through the motions at his place of employment.

The Professor should be doing a lot of things, but he’s not. He’s here for you, The Professor’s Pupils, providing the gambling industry’s premier college football prognostications. He’s here giving you illuminating and entertaining breakdowns of each of this week’s slate of games, while fellow competitors merely e-mail their picks directly to Pick ‘Em Corner headquarters.

Sure, The Cornerman is tied with The Professor for the Pick ‘Em Corner lead, but what service is The Cornerman providing you, the degenerate gambler, by not making his picks public? Likewise, why trust third-place Lockrem’s Locks his picks are made outside the college football world in a godforsaken place like Bumbleshoot, South Dakota? How informed can he possibly be? And how can you trust KCKCKCK? No, really, can he be trusted? And what about The Host? He goes by The Host as he is supposed to actually, you know, host Pick ‘Em Corner. Instead, in the season’s first live show, he pulled a vintage Sanderfeldian move and invented an excuse for not showing up, pushing hosting duties to the honorable Steve Stellar.

Week in and week out, The Professor makes his picks public. He’s in a Big Ten market. He’s accountable. He actually attends live broadcasts of Pick ‘Em Corner. Can the same be said for the rest of my fellow prognosticators? No. Well, aside from Steve Stellar, of course. He of the sub-.500 record.

Without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Michigan -12.5 MINNESOTA

With memories of 58-0 still in their minds and renewed confidence under Philip Nelson, the Gophers put the Wolverines on upset alert, only to have their Australian punter fumble a snap in the end zone to give Michigan a clinching TD. THIS IS … GOLDEN! GOPHER! FOOTBALL!

Penn State -3.5 PURDUE

When your AD issues a statement of support for your football program mid-season, you know things aren’t going all that well. The Fighting Keisers roll. In fact, DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

OHIO STATE -27.5 Illinois

Tim Beckman takes over the mantle left by Tim Brewster as the Big Ten’s Best Backdoor Cover Coach.

INDIANA -1.5 Iowa

I have absolutely zero faith that the Hoosiers can win their first back-to-back Big Ten games since 2007, but schadenfreude wins out again. Plus, it’s always amusing to hear Miss Money explain how sullen her Hawkeye hubby is after his beloved Iowa loses another game. (Addendum: Shouldn’t Miss Money be given her proper title – Mrs. Money – now that she had that expedited wedding earlier this summer?)

Nebraska -2 MICHIGAN STATE

The Professor would like to thank Michigan State for finally showing up for a game in which I picked you to win and/or cover. Now that you've dispatched the Evil Red Menace, I have no need for you. Go Huskers.

FLORIDA -17 Missouri

The Gators are in full hangover mode after saying sayonara to their SEC Eastern Division championship with an awful showing against Georgia. I’m not under any delusions that Florida loses a second straight game, but the Tigers keep it close.

Oklahoma -11.5 IOWA STATE

The Cyclones lost by 11 to Texas Tech and six to Kansas State – both at home. Sounds to me like they play good teams tough at home. Sorry, Teeks.

Texas A&M -7 MISSISSIPPI STATE

I am looking to get to .500 in Tim Brewster Theorem games here. The Theorem states that any game involving TREMENDOUS WIN FIGHT TRY Mississippi State assistant coach Tim Brewster should be picked in favor of BULLDOG NATION’s opponent when the spread seems reasonable if it involved any other coach. Therefore, go Aggies!

Air Force -7.5 ARMY

When General of the Army George C. Marshall Chief of Staff during World War II said, "I want an officer for a secret and dangerous mission,” he didn’t want a member of the Chair Force. No, he said, “ I want a West Point football player."

Stanford -27.5 COLORADO

And Colorado rears its ugly head again. How many times am I going to be burned by a huge spread offered up by a horrendous Buffs team? Surely, it ends this week … right?

WEST VIRGINIA -6.5 TCU

The Mountaineers haven’t played since back-to-back shellackings by Texas Tech and Kansas State. They’ll be hungry, rested and ready for a sneaky-good TCU team. Meanwhile, the Horned Frogs have given up 92 points in the last two weeks. Hellooooo, shootout in Morgantown.

NOTRE DAME -16.5 Pittsburgh

You know what Admiral Ackbar said. Look it up.

TEXAS TECH -7.5 Texas

The Longhorns only won by four at Kansas last week. Kansas! The 1-7 team with losses to Rice and Northern Illinois.

GEORGIA -14 Ole Miss

Admiral Ackbar again.

Clemson -13 DUKE

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! Clemson lost by 12 at Florida State. Duke lost by 41 at Florida State. Any questions?

Oregon -7.5 USC

The Quack Attack keeps it rolling on their quest to get embarrassed by Alabama in the National Championship Game. Yes, I’m recycling bits from past weeks. Also, Lane Kiffin sucks.

KANSAS STATE -10 Oklahoma State

The Collin Klein Heisman Campaign notches another big win and Kansas State keeps its undefeated season going in a raucous atmosphere at night in Manhattan.

Alabama -9.5 LSU

If I didn’t provide my earliest-ever Lock of the Week, I’d do it here. Alabama is an NFL team masquerading as a SEC squad. LSU is merely an SEC team.

BOISE STATE -13.5 San Diego State

Courtesy of Darren “Doogie” Wolfson, a quote from former Gopher interim coach Jeff Horton: "We play Boise for 1st place this Saturday. All good here in San Diego... 75 everyday and cold at night... about 60-65!!!!!!” Coach Horton will always hold a special place in The Professor’s heart for his passion and ability to make us thank the heavens above that Tim Brewster was fired midseason.

OREGON STATE -4 Arizona State

The Professor is no longer a Beaver Believer after locking in Oregon State last week. Go team that, upon first glance, looks exactly like the Gophers!

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2012 Pick ‘Em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. The Professor – 105-76 (5-4) – 115 pts

1. The Cornerman – 101-80 (7-2) – 115 pts

3. Lockrem’s Locks – 100-80 (6-3) - 112 pts

4. KCKCK – 95-86 (6-3) – 107 pts

5. The Host – 98-83 (4-5) – 106 pts

6. Jeff Leach – 98-85 (3-5) – 104 pts

7. Steve Stellar – 89-92 (6-3) – 101 pts

8. C-Noth – 83-98 (6-3) – 95 pts

9. Wick to Click – 82-99 (5-3) – 92 pts

10. The Veteran – 82-78 (1-7) – 84 pts

10. Special G – 78-83 (2-6) – 84 pts

12. Strickly Cash – 81-100 (1-8) – 83 pts

13. Mrs. Money –73-89 (2-5) – 77 pts

14. Money Traen – 65-75 (3-4) – 71 pts

15. LFK – 6-12 (no lock ) 6 pts

16. auto-MATT-ic – 0-0 (0-0) – 0 pts

2012 Pick ‘Em Corner Points Per Week

1. The Professor – 12.78

1. The Cornerman – 12.78

3. Lockrem’s Locks – 12.44

4. KCKCK – 11.89

5. The Host – 11.78

6. Jeff Leach – 11.55

7. Steve Stellar – 11.22

8. C-Noth – 10.55

9. The Veteran – 10.5

9. Special G – 10.5

11. Money Traen – 10.14

12. Wick to Click – 10.22

13. Mrs. Money –9.63

14. Strickly Cash – 9.22

15. LFK – 6.0

16. auto-MATT-ic – 0.0

The Professor in 2012 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 105-76 (.580)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 5-4 (.556)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 37-27 (.578)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 68-49 (.581)

Minnesota games: 3-5 (.375)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 13-12 (.520)

Service Academy Games: 3-8 (.273)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 4-5 (.444)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 5-2 (.714)

Tim Brewster Theorem Games: 1-2 (.333)