Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 3 Smart Money Picks

Status quo  (kwəʊ) — n:  the existing state of affairs. For The Professor, status quo just means making money for The Professor's Pupils week in and week out. So sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

NEBRASKA -24.5 Arkansas State

The Huskers will be angry after laying an egg against UCLA last week, so the win here isn’t in doubt. Covering, however, is. Arkansas State scores just enough points to stay within the number.

OHIO STATE -16.5 Cal

Urban Meyer > Jeff Tedford. Braxton Miller > Whoever Cal cobbled together for QB. Buckeyes > Bears.

MINNESOTA -2.5 Western Michigan

This game scares the bejesus out of this avowed Gopher fan. But as a member of the faculty, I’m fully in support of what Jer-Jer is doing with the Gophers. Western Michigan has a fast-paced offense, yes, but Minnesota will kill a lot of clock with an efficient running game, keeping the Broncos off the field just enough. Expect a close one. You scoffed when I called for a Gopher rout last week. Methinks you won’t scoff again.

ILLINOIS -35 Charleston Southern

Yawn.

PURDUE -24 Eastern Michigan

Zzzzzzzz.

Boston College -3.5 NORTHWESTERN

I have no feel for this game, but I underestimated the Cats against a mediocre SEC team in Vandy. I won’t do the same against a mediocre ACC team in Boston College.

MICHIGAN -45.5 UMass

UMass is bad. Really bad.

PENN STATE -5.5 Navy

I’m riding the Penn State Misery Tour Train as long as it will take me, giving new meaning to Navy fight song Anchors Aweigh.

IOWA -14.5 Northern Iowa

Northern Iowa kept it interesting against the BADgers, a superior team to the Hawkeyes, so the smart money is that they’ll do the same here. Plus, you actually have to score touchdowns to win by 14.5 or more. In fact, the schadenfreude is flowing so strong for The Professor that I’m locking this in. DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

MICHIGAN STATE -6 Notre Dame

Sparty is in the Golden Domers’ heads after last season’s thrilling game. Also, Michigan State is a huge jump in competition for ND after facing Navy and Purdue. Meanwhile, MSU is battle-tested after opening the year vs. Boise State.

INDIANA -2.5 Ball State

Coming into the season, Indiana could not afford to lose QB Tre Robinson, and in true IU Football fashion, that’s exactly what they did. Take the Fighting Dave Lettermans.

WISCONSIN -13 Utah State

It’s the Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit. Suck it, Bucky.

TENNESSEE -3 Florida

I’m basically just picking which team I hate less. Plus, Rocky Top sure is catchy.

Northern Illinois -3 ARMY

Don’t follow The Professor on this pick. I’m contractually obligated to go with the Black Knights here, but the Huskies are not a bad MAC team while Army is, well, Army.

Alabama -20.5 ARKANSAS

Gimpy quarterback + porous defense + John L. Smith = Crimson Tide in a laugher. ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!

USC -8.5 STANFORD

The Trojans are on a mission this season and they’re not going to let a bunch of nerds from Northern California feel good about themselves for the fifth time in the last six meetings.

MISSOURI -6.5 Arizona State

I liked what I saw from the Sun Devils in their win over Illinois. I didn’t see any of the Mizzou game. And that’s why I’m taking Arizona State.

UCLA -17 Houston

I had my doubts about UCLA when they were struggling early against Rice two weeks ago. But they pulled away in that one and erased any doubts in the convincing upset win over Nebraska last week. Expect Houston to put up a fight here, but the Bruins are on a roll.

BYU -4 UTAH

1) I hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir puts on quite the show. 2) Mitt Romney is inexplicably expected to put up a fight in the election. 3) Finally, I guess Utah lost their QB or something. I dunno. Go with the Mormons.

LOUISVILLE -3 North Carolina

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! [Analysis not provided]

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2012 Pick 'Em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. Steve Stellar – 28-12 (2-0) – 32 pts

2. The Professor – 25-15 (1-1) – 27 pts

2. The Host – 25-15 (1-1) – 27 pts

4. Jeff Leach – 24-15 (1-0) – 26 pts

5. KCKCK – 22-18 (1-1) – 24 pts

6. Lockrem’s Locks – 21-18 (1-1) - 23 pts

7. C-Noth – 19-21 (1-1) – 21 pts

7. The Cornerman – 19-21 (1-1) – 21 pts

9. Money Traen – 18-21 (1-1) – 20 pts

10. Wick to Click – 16-24 (0-1) – 16 pts

11. Strickly Cash – 15-25 (0-2) – 15 pts

12. Miss Money – 8-12 (0-1) – 8 pts

12. The Veteran – 8-12 (0-1) – 8 pts

14. LFK – 6-12 (no lock ) 6 pts

14. Special G – 6-14 (0-1) – 6 pts

The Professor in 2012 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 25-15

Statistically-Proven Locks: 1-1

Games involving Big Ten teams: 16-8

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 9-7

Minnesota games: 1-1

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 5-1

Service Academy Games: 1-2

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 1-1

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 1-0

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 2 Smart Money Picks

Class is back in session, kids. If you didn't pay attention last week, The Professor's panel-leading 14-6 record to open the Pick 'Em Corner season certainly will.

Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

MINNESOTA -20 New Hampshire
Maybe it’s just The Professor drinking the Jerry Kill-Aid, but I think this will be the first blowout in Jer’s tenure … in favor of the Gophers.

OHIO STATE – 18 UCF

They’re still the Buckeyes. And UCF hired The Host’s replacement. No one replaces The Host. No one.

VIRGINIA -10 Penn State

I called for the upset of the Nits this week and I’m calling for the Fighting Keisers to rebound this week. Does that mean I’m picking them to win? No, I’m not. They lose by 9. Sorry, Cornerman/Foreman’s Forecasts, your misery is only just beginning. Good thing you both live in Minnesota where misery is our middle name.

Indiana -14 UMASS

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! Indiana will win this game, but expecting the woebegone (look it up!) Hoosiers to be>t any team by 2 TDs, especially on the road, is asking far too much.

NOTRE DAME – 14 Purdue

Notre Dame isn’t as good as they think they are after beating Navy (Go Army!) and Purdue isn’t as bad as people think (if people even think about Purdue, that is).

MICHIGAN -21 Air Force

It’s the first of two The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network, so you know who I’m going with.

Michigan State -21.5 CENTRAL MICHIGAN

Sparty is a lot better than they showed last week and Central Michigan is Central Michigan.

IOWA -5 Iowa State

The rivalry game factor rears its ugly head in this one. Also, who hates Iowa? The Professor hates Iowa. Also, my dad, aka The Professor Emeritus, is an Iowa State alum. Go Cyclones! Also, Herky is a jerky.

Wisconsin -8 OREGON STATE

It’s the Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit. Hate you, Bucky.

Nebraska -5.5 UCLA

I can’t, for the life of me, figure this one out. This has trap written all over it, so buyer beware.

Vanderbilt -3.5 NORTHWESTERN

Vandy gave everything South Carolina could handle and nearly pulled out a big upset. Northwestern eked out a win over Syracuse. South Carolina >>>>>>> Syracuse.

ARIZONA STATE -3 Illinois

With QB Nathan Scheelhaase’s injury a concern, Tim Brewster 2.0 (Tim Beckman) doesn’t have enough to pull the upset in the desert.

KANSAS STATE -7 Miami

Convicts > Cats. What? It worked for me last week.

TEXAS A&M -2 Florida

Welcome to the SEC, Aggies.

USC – 26 Syracuse (East Rutherford, N.J.)

DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

OREGON -34.5 Fresno State

Up 56-19 with a 15 seconds to go, Fresno State kicks a meaningless FG to cover.

LSU -23.5 Washington

I like teams that have dogs as mascots, thus this and the previous pick

Georgia -1.5 MISSOURI

I like teams that have dogs as mascots, thus this and the previous two picks

Oklahoma State -10.5 ARIZONA

The Cowboys are really good. The Cats are not. That’s all the analysis I’ve got here.

SAN DIEGO STATE -6 Army

It’s the first of two The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network, so you know who I’m going with. But why? Why does The Professor always pick Army, Air Force and Navy? Putting aside from the fact that I’m a sucker for a man in uniform, The Professor has a strong family history with the service academies. Two of my uncles went to West Point at the height of the Vietnam War – with one of them in the Class of 1966, immortalized in the book “The Long Gray Line.” They both saw some relatively heavy action in Vietnam with one or both of them serving as Rangers. The Professor was brought up learning some of the material that plebes (freshman) are required to memorize. Want proof? Ask me, “How’s the cow?” Overall, The Professor just has a ridiculous amount of respect for the young men and women who voluntarily sign up to attend a school with rigorous schedule of academics, athletics and military education, not to mention the commitment of serving seven years in the military following graduation. And that’s why I will ALWAYS cheer for the service academies. Unless Army is playing Navy. Then it’s Go Army, Beat Navy!

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 1 Smart Money Picks

My name is The Professor. Welcome to The Professor's Smart Money Picks 101, a crucial part of the curriculum known as Pick 'Em Corner. I've been handicapping college football games for decades now and would like you to know that I am a two-time Pick 'Em Corner Big Ten Regular Season Handicapping Champion (2008, 2009). Pay no mind to my predictions for games outside the Big Ten regular season.

For those of you not familiar with The Professor and my process for handicapping college football games, I've included a brief syllabus:

1. The Professor is proud to return as the presenter of The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network.

2. The Professor ALWAYS chooses the service academy squad in the SAGoW, no matter the matchup or spread.

3. The Professor will provide you with a weekly prediction on which to place the bulk of your bankroll. This prediction will be known as The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University.

4. The Professor will do his darndest to avoid picking Wisconsin and Iowa during the season, but ridiculous betting lines may prevent him from doing so from time to time.

5. The Tim Brewster Theorem has returned! Put out to pasture on Oct. 16, 2010 upon Brewster’s firing at Minnesota, the theorem states that any game involving TREMENDOUS Mississippi State assistant coach Tim Brewster should be picked in favor of BULLDOG NATION’s opponent when the spread seems reasonable if it involved any other coach. The related Ron Zook Postulate was retired on Nov. 27, 2011. We pray for its return.

6. From time to time, The Professor will sponsor the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL. No analysis will be given for a game that pretty much nobody will ever pay attention to.

7. Last season, The Professor unveiled The Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit. This game prediction will include The Professor’s weekly lecture on the concept of schadenfreude.

8. The Professor's colleagues in the Pick 'Em Corner curriculum include, but are not limited to, The Host, Steve Stellar, The Cornerman, KCKCKCK, The Veteran, Miss Money, Strickly Cash, Money Traen, C-Noth, Lockrem's Locks, Foreman’s Forecast, Special G, Emily Wickstrom and a possible new member. Do not trust your money to them and their picks.

9. The Professor will use Mr. Heavyfoot (http://mrheavyfoot.blogspot.com) as the homepage for The Professor's Smart Money Picks of the Week. Given enough time and/or the hiring of a quality TA, Mr. Heavyfoot will host the Pick 'Em Corner weekly picks and standings.

10. The Professor's Smart Money Picks will be distinguished in bold (CAPS denotes home team).

Without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

Minnesota -8.5 UNLV 

The Gophers should be better at pretty much every position against the Runnin’ Rebels. Plus, college football will never succeed in a place like Las Vegas, what with the dry heat and all. Pay no mention to the strippers, casinos, and whorehouses.

MICHIGAN STATE -6.5 Boise State

O Kellen Moore, wherefore art thou, Kellen Moore?

Northwestern -2 SYRACUSE

I’ve got nothing here. It’s Northwestern and Syracuse, for crying out loud.

OHIO STATE -24.5 Miami (Ohio)

Never underestimate the power of Urban Planning.

PENN STATE -6 Ohio

We all know which way the Cornerman and Foreman’s Forecasts are going in this game, but please ignore them. They’re blinded by the “We Are Penn State” propaganda machine, even in the wake of all that’s occurred in Not So Happy Valley. I’m tempted to lock this one in, but feel that would be too much for our panel’s Penn Staters to bear.

ILLINOIS -10 Western Michigan

Although it’s been retired, the Ron Zook Postulate will have some residual effects for a few weeks. Sorry, Tim Beckman.

NEBRASKA -20 Southern Miss

One does not simply walk into Lincoln and hope to escape with anything more (less?) than a three-TD loss.

WISCONSIN -28 Northern Iowa

Do yourself a favor and ignore my pick here. Wisconsin and its jackass of a coach will score early, often and without mercy in this one. Nevertheless, I’m just not going to pick Bucky in a single game this season, no matter the idiotic spread. DIE IN A FIRE, BUCKY!

Iowa -10 Northern Illinois (in Chicago, Ill.)

Speaking of dying in a fire, hellloooo Iowa. Really, aside from corn, what redeeming value does Iowa have? Ever been downwind from a pig farm? It’s less than pleasant. That’s pretty much the equivalent of sharing a border with Iowa. The Russians knew what they were doing in erecting the Berlin Wall. Like keeping East Berliners in East Berlin, may I suggest an Iowa Wall to keep the Iowans where they belong … in that godforsaken state. Also, Herky is a jerky, or so my 4-year-old is fond of saying.

PURDUE -35 Eastern Kentucky

The mustache plays.

Alabama -14 Michigan (Arlington, Texas)

Do you really think Alabama will be even slightly intimidated by Michigan and/or the surroundings? Of course you don’t. On the other hand, don’t you think the Wolverines might be just a tad nervous going up against the defending national champions, in the south, in the Jerry Dome? Methinks so. In fact, DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

INDIANA -38 Indiana State

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! [No analysis necessary]

Notre Dame -15.5 Navy (Dublin, Ireland)

Double your pleasure, double your fun in this game. Why? Well, it’s both The Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit, and The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network. First, it’s time for The Professor's weekly lecture on the concept of schadenfreude. Defined as "satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune," schadenfreude perfectly explains The Professor's feelings about schools like Notre Dame. In other words, I want them to lose. Every game. In embarrassing fashion. To teams like Navy. Which brings me to:

Anchors Aweigh, my boys, Anchors Aweigh.

Farewell to foreign shores, We sail at break of day, of day.

Through our last night on shore, Drink to the foam,

Until we meet once more. Here's wishing you a happy voyage home!

Clemson -3.5 AUBURN

Lightning round time. Go Tigers. I mean, go Clemson.

USC -42 Hawai’i

Go Rainbow Warriors. I mean, go Warriors.

Miami -2.5 BOSTON COLLEGE

Convicts > Catholics.

VIRGINIA TECH -7.5 Georgia Tech

I love me some Paul Johnson triple-option offense – still the offense The Professor thinks would work wonders at Minnesota. But what does The Professor know anyway? I only have a BA, Master’s and several doctorate degrees in College Football Prognosticating, Advanced Mathematical Theory, and General Studies. In addition, this is the first time this season we get to sing, "I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech, and a hell of an engineer--A helluva, helluva, helluva, helluva, hell of an engineer."

Tennessee -3.5 NC STATE

[No analysis given. Yawn.]

COLORADO -6.5 Colorado State

I just read a story in SI about how Rams head coach Jim McElwain (I think that’s his name) is installing Nick Saban’s “Process” in an effort to duplicate Alabama’s success at Colorado State. That’s good enough for me. Plus, rivalry games tend to play tight, so that works in CSU’s favor too.

LSU -42.5 North Texas

Too many points for LSU to cover against a plucky North Texas squad. At least I think they’re plucky. Who’s going to disagree with me? And with that, Week 1 comes to a resounding thud.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.