Cat Fight!

I first saw this on Awful Announcing and just had to pass it on. In the words of Cosmo Kramer, "C-c-c-cat fight." Not only is this video of a dust-up between a pair of college girls in the stands, it's in slow motion, with hypnotic music and outstanding captions. All in all, great cinematography and video editing.

A Perfect Storm of Hilarity

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The following things really did happen at the Nov. 17 Minnesota vs. Wisconsin football game at the Metrodome.

• Drunk mid-50s Wisconsin woman in Badger windbreaker drunk in stairwell. Lost motor functions. Falling asleep in stairwell. Lied down. Still kept drinking her beer.
• Wisconsin male fan projectile vomited in concourse trying to make it to the bathroom.
• Press box PA guy mocked twice by two 10-year old boys including once with soft serve ice cream.
• Media member (from badgerblitz.com) escorted out of press box after he appeared stoned or drunk. Got into brief altercation with Minneapolis Spokesman-Recorder reporter Charles Hallman. Sat in wrong seat twice. Slept entire second quarter until U of M Athletic Communications staffer had to awake him. When he woke up, he had a puddle of drool on his face.
• Other random drunk Wisconsin fans. Random Iowa State girl that wanted the Cyclone score.
• Gopher Director of Football Operations Randy Taylor firing up crowd all game, waving towel.
• Gopher strength coach Mark Hill getting in the face of official.
• Gopher Recruiting Coordinator Berezowitz running 60 yards after side judge not to mention running on field on numerous occasions and using his signature fake flag throw maneuver. Stat crew staffer yelling, "There Goes Berezowitz !"
• Overcelebration on Gopher sidelines on numerous occasions.
• Stat crew staffer naming random woman "Jizz Hair."
• The season's final appearance of Teddy K.
• U of M athletics money going to waste once again as Minnesota's Special Forces mat (think Twister or Jump to Conclusion) goes unused.
• Someone leaving piles of propaganda in the press box, encouraging media members to vote for Patrick Reusse as the Turkey of the Year. Language looks suspiciously like that of the speech Roy Griak gave earlier that week.
• Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema sprinting across the field at the end of the game to shake hands (albeit for a nanosecond) with Minnesota coach Tim Brewster.
• Brewster's lengthy, daggger-throwing stare in Bielema's direction as the Badger boss sprinted away.

To listen to KFAN's Dan Barreiro opine on the drunken buffoonery that took place in and around the press box, go here and listen to the Nov. 18 Sunday Sermon (his take on the events of the day is near the end of the piece).

And now, for no good reason but for the fact that we love seeing and reading about Bucky getting his ass kicked, we bring you this and this:

Shameless Promotion - The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep

Mr. Heavyfoot is all about helping out friends. In that spirit, we present you with a shameless promotion for a film called "The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep" which will be released this Christmas. Why does Mr. Heavyfoot care about this movie? Well, the sister of standout third baseman for Boom Goes the Dynamite Andrea Smith (Golden Valley, Minn.) worked on the film which is slated to be released this Christmas.

We're not sure what Dre's sister did for this film. From what we can glean from the interweb, we're guessing she was an assistant to director executive producer Jay Russell. We could certainly be wrong though. Russell, by the way directed "Ladder 49," "Tuck Everlasting," "My Dog Skip" and "End of the Line."

A fantasy fable aimed at family audiences along the lines of "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe," here's a quick synopsis of "The Water Horse": Based on the children's fantasy novel by British author Dick King-Smith. "The Water Horse" tells the story of a lonely boy in Scotland who finds a mysterious egg from which hatches a "water horse" -- a mythical sea monster of Scottish legend.

Down Goes Ballboy! Down Goes Ballboy!

We're not sure why we laughed so hard when we first saw this, but we did. Maybe it's the French announcers. They talk funny. (Oh, keep your eye on the ballboy in the upper left.)

This Just About Sums Up the Comcast vs. Big Ten Network Brouhaha For Us

Clubber Lang's Basement pretty much sums up what we think about the whole Comcast vs. Big Ten Network debate that rages on in Big Ten Country.

We, for one, love the Big Ten Network. Where else would we have seen this?



Or this?



Or, finally, this?

It Was Only a Matter of Time: Brewster Leads Goof Troop Into Bottom 10

Well, Tim Brewster the esteemed leader of Gopher Nation and head coach of the Goof Troop football team, has now managed to do two things no other head football coach at the University has done before. First, there was the first-ever loss to a Division I-AA team. Embarrassing? Of course. Surprising? Nope.

Now, the Brew Crew has led the Goof Troop into the national rankings - ESPN's Bottom 10. Never in the sometimes-illustrious history of Golden Gopher football has a team entered these rankings. Minnesota sits firmly at No. 6, sandwiched between fellow 1-7 juggernauts Northern Illinois and Idaho. Embarassing? Of course. Surprising? Nope.

The question is, how is the provider of the Gopher Nation Stat of the Week going to spin the Maroon and Gold's 1-7 record, losses to Bowling Green, Florida Atlantic and North Dakota State, and the No. 6 spot in the Bottom 10?

Fat Kids Are Funny, Clumsy, Big

We really wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't post these videos, now would we?

Gopher Nation Stat of the Week

Hello Gopher Nation. As you know last week we were so very, very tremendously close to winning our epic showdown between two of the most tremendously high-flying offenses in the Big Ten if not the nation. Those are the kind of offenses that you will see in Pasadena playing on championship dirt. Now our championship dirt is still in the process of materializing, but when we step foot into TCF Bank Stadium in 2009 you will some first-class championship dirt along with some first-class Rose Bowl caliber football.

Now on to the Gopher Nation Good News Stat of the Week. As you know we are welcoming our great friends from Fargo down to one of the great college football venues in the nation in the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome and I have had people ask me from all over the Twin Cities (and North Dakota) how they can get tickets for this week's game. I just tell them to call 1-800-UGOPHER and come join Gopher Nation for an epic showdown between two of the best programs in the Upper Midwest.

On to the stat: As we all know Appalachian State pulled off a tremendous upset against Michigan earlier in the year as the No. 1 team in the football championship subdivision. Well since then App. State has lost to Wofford and our friends from Fargo have taken over the No. 1 spot in the FCS poll. On top of that, recent developments have made the Ohio State Buckeyes the No. 1 team in the nation in 1-A. Now you remember how the Buckeyes barely escaped the Metrodome when they tangled with the Gophers earlier this year.

Well when we are done with North Dakota State this week, the Gophers will be the only team in the nation to have played a team ranked No. 1 in the FCS and in the BCS this year. Of course Michigan will join us on this esteemed list at the end of the year, but for now it is just the Goof Troop.

This week, we figured we would give a bonus stat as well: After this week, Minnesota will have faced four different teams this year that entered the contest with an undefeated record.

Miami (Ohio) was 1-0
Purdue was 4-0
Ohio State was 4-0 and is 7-0
North Dakota State is 6-0

So you see what a tremendously difficult task we have been up against this year. Rest assured when the end of the season comes, Gopher Nation will prevail over all these mighty obstacles.

Here's to you: Mr. Delusional, Irrational, Hopelessly Pathetic Irish Fan

Spoofs of those Bud Light Real Men of Genius commercials are all over the place (link). But the above video really speaks to our outright hatred of all things Notre Dame. "Charlie's Headset Was Broken!"

Gopher Nation Stat of the Week

We know some of you may think that this 1-5 start may have dampened the spirits of Tim Brewster and Gopher Nation. We are here to tell it is quite the opposite, and that Gopher Nation is just fine, thank you. Each week in the spirit of Coach Brewster and Gopher Nation, we will bring you the nauseatingly positive stat that will help make excuses for the little detour that will lead Gopher Nation astray from the 2008 Rose Bowl.

This week's stat:

Minnesota's first six opponents have a combined record of 11-2 in their respective conferences. Those Owls, Red Hawks and Falcons are not to be taken lightly (We are surprised Patrick Reusse did not look at all those nicknames and say the Gophers pre-conference schedule is for the Birds, literally and figuratively).

Bowling Green - 1-0 in the MAC East
Miami (Ohio) - 2-0 (Gopher Nation's proudest victory of the 2007 season)
Florida Atlantic - 2-0 in the Sun Belt
Purdue - 1-1 in the Big Ten
Ohio State - 3-0 in the Big Ten
Indiana - 2-1 in the Big Ten

We will be back with next week's fact of the week. Remember recruit 24/7/365 or was that Recruit/Retain/Reward. Whatever.