Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 7 Smart Money Picks

 The Professor started a Twitter account (@TheProfessorPEC) earlier this week due to popular demand. Following are a sampling of some of what you can expect as a follower.

·         I still can’t believe I’m on top of the Pick ‘Em Corner standings!

·         I have got to stop saying yes to every interview request.

·         Walked by a group of guys at the coffee shop. All were reading my Smart Money Picks. Awkward!

·         Just wrapped up my office hours for the week. Had 74 Professor’s Pupils show up just to talk.

·         I miss the good ol’ days before Pick ‘Em Corner. Was so much easier to go to a restaurant without getting interrupted.

·         Just in case you think leading Pick ‘Em Corner has gone to my head, my kids just think of me as the guy who rakes leaves into a pile for them to jump in.

·         Still not used to this question: “Can I have your autograph?”

For some reason, The Professor keeps getting retweeted by @humblebrag. I have no idea why.

Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

MICHIGAN STATE -10 Iowa

This has to be the week Sparty break out, right? No, I know it won’t happen, but my Schadenfreude contract with Gasthof zur Gemutlichkeit is forcing my hand in this game.

Northwestern -3.5 MINNESOTA

My head says, “Take the Wildcats cuz they’re better, dude” but my head also says, “Minnesota has had two weeks to prepare, two weeks to stew in anger over losing Floyd and two weeks to get healthy.” Also, NERDS!!!

PURDUE -2.5 Wisconsin

For some reason, The Professor’s oldest son likes to cheer for Wisconsin when they’re not playing Minnesota. Because of that, I get the pleasure of feeling some homegrown Schadenfreude when I get to tell said son that Bucky lost … or didn’t cover. I’m hoping I’ll be able to do the same this week. Plus, this Danny Hope gif.

MICHIGAN -23.5 Illinois

Illinois is bad. Like Miss Money (43-58) in Pick ‘Em Corner bad.

Ohio State -17 INDIANA

The Hoosiers are showing some promise, but you can’t expect them to hang within 17 points of National Champion hopeful, BCS Bowl hopeful, Big Ten Championship Game hopeful, Ohio State.

Alabama -21 MISSOURI

DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! Welcome to the ESS-EEE-SEE, Mizzou. Here’s your complimentary ass-whuppin’ courtesy of Nick Saban.

RUTGERS -7 Syracuse

Rutgers beat SEC foe Arkansas and is quietly 5-0 on the season with the fifth-ranked defense in the nation. Syracuse lost to Minnesota. Take the State University of New Jersey.

Oklahoma -3 Texas

The Professor has no idea which way to go on this one, but his old friend Teeks works at Oklahoma. At least I think he still does. Whatever. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-klahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plains!

Kansas State -6.5 IOWA STATE

I love me some KSU Wildcats, but Iowa State is The Professor’s sentimental favorite team this year (after the Gophers) due to their win over Iowa (haha, Herky), their color scheme and their affiliation with my father. Go Cyclones!

North Carolina -7.5 MIAMI

I’m jumping off the Al Golden bandwagon this week after the Canes forgot to show up in their tilt against Notre Dame. Plus, Miami can’t stop Pop Warner team offenses, so there’s no reason to expect them to stay within 7.5 against the ‘Heels.

BYU -6 Oregon State

The Professor is a Beaver Believer. Also, BYU has scored 6 points twice this season. Isn’t that enough?

NOTRE DAME -7.5 Stanford

It’s the Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit, so you know where this pick is headed. Also, NERDS!!!

West Virginia -3.5 TEXAS TECH

The Professor rode the Mountaineers to a win in his lock last week, so I’m letting it ride this week. Also, West F***ing Virginia.

Florida -8.5 VANDERBILT

The experts will tell you to be wary of a letdown for Florida after the big win over LSU, but they’re dead wrong. The Gators are accustomed to being ready week in and week out in the SEC. Meanwhile, despite their promise, Vanderbilt is still Vanderbilt. Also, NERDS!!!

USC -12.5 WASHINGTON

Lightning round time. Steve Stellar likes Washington. Therefore, The Professor likes USC.

LSU -2.5 South Carolina

I’m not sure Gamecocks can pull off the upset win on the road, but LSU has been entirely underwhelming this season. Exhibit A: the win over the Fighting Gellers. Exhibit B: the 12-10 win over a bad Auburn team. Meanwhile, South Carolina has cruised in its last five games after a near hiccup at Vandy to open the season. Go Cocky!

MISSISSIPPI STATE -2.5 Tennessee

The Tim Brewster Theorem has returned! Put out to pasture on Oct. 16, 2010 upon Brewster’s firing at Minnesota, the theorem states that any game involving TREMENDOUS WIN FIGHT TRY Mississippi State assistant coach Tim Brewster should be picked in favor of BULLDOG NATION’s opponent when the spread seems reasonable if it involved any other coach.

Texas A&M -7.5 LOUISIANA TECH

It’s the immovable object (Aggie defense) vs. the irresistible force (Lady Techsters offense). I’ll take Points by the Truckload for $1200, Alex.

New Mexico -3.5 HAWAI’I

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! [Analysis not provided]

Kent State -2 ARMY

It’s The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network!

On, brave old Army team,

On to the fray;

Fight on to victory,

For that's the fearless Army way.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

 

 

2012 Pick ‘Em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. The Professor – 73-48 (4-2) – 81 pts

2. Lockrem’s Locks – 64-56 (5-1) - 74 pts

2. The Cornerman – 66-55 (4-2) – 74 pts

4. Steve Stellar – 65-56 (4-2) – 73 pts

4. The Host – 67-54 (3-3) – 73 pts

6. KCKCK – 62-59 (3-3) – 68 pts

7. Jeff Leach – 63-56 (2-3) – 67 pts

8. C-Noth – 57-64 (3-3) – 63 pts

9. Wick to Click – 57-64 (2-3) – 61 pts

10. Strickly Cash – 54-67 (1-5) – 56 pts

11. Special G – 49-52 (2-3) – 53 pts

12. Money Traen – 48-52 (2-3) – 52 pts

12. The Veteran – 50-50 (1-4) – 52 pts

14. Miss Money –43-58 (1-3) – 45 pts

15. LFK – 6-12 (no lock ) 6 pts

The Professor in 2012 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 73-48 (.603)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 4-2 (.667)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 29-18 (.617)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 44-30 (.595)

Minnesota games: 2-3 (.400)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 9-7 (.563)

Service Academy Games: 2-6 (.250)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 4-2 (.667)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 2-2 (.500)