Toddler + Soccer Ball = Hilarity

It's been way too long since we posted a video of a small child getting hurt in a hilarious fashion. We have a history of posting such videos. To wit: this and this. Enjoy.

Monday Morning Pep Talk

It's been a long weekend - the Gophers got beat by Purdue despite some outstanding on-field cheering by director of football ops Randy Taylor; Cooper, the Heavyfoot dog, threw up what must have been a quarter of her body weight after a hard frisbee-catching workout; ok, that's about it. But that's enough to warrant the above video.

This morning may we present to you a pep talk from Jim Cantafio - Chad Henne's coach at Wilson High School (Pa.).

There really isn't anything to say about his speech other than:

"DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE DANNY? DO YOU DANNY? HUH DANNY? DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE DANNY? HUH?"

Yet Another Black Eye for the Atlanta Falcons

Here's your obligatory posting of a video to prove that Mr. Heavyfoot still does exist. Here's our list of excuses for not posting recently: just started a new job, actually have to work at said job, new job does not provide the material needed for satirical news stories, good friend got married last weekend, pregnant wife won't allow us to write about how big she's getting anymore, laziness, this computer we're typing on sucks, former co-workers are paranoid about seeing their name satirized, etc. etc....

Until we come up with something good to write about, we give you the above video of a halftime football game between some Pop Warner kids and NFL mascots. As the Heavyfoot community should know, we're big fans of all things mascot, so when we come across of a video or story of a mascot, we're going to post it. About the video, in the words of the taper, "Look at the bird. Focus in on the bird." The Atlanta Falcons mascot takes out the team's frustrating on- and off-field performance by absolutely clobbering any Pop Warner kid that gets in his way.

Wrong Way, Ashley

We know. We know. We're not providing the expected content on Mr. Heavyfoot that you have all come to, well, expect. We'd apologize, but Mr Heavyfoot's world is a little hectic right now. We're starting a new job next Tuesday. Mrs. Heavyfoot is very pregnant and emotional. And our dog is as hyperactive as ever. To make amends to you, the Mr. Heavyfoot community, we present a video of an on-field CFL fan promotion gone hilaariously wrong. Poor Ashley. She really wanted that trip. Well, she got one. (Now that's comedy.)

From the "We Wish We Had Thought To Do This and Had the Actual Handyman Capabilities to Make It Happen" Department

Who doesn't love water slides? And who doesn't love homemade water slides that begin on the roof of a two-story building and end with a 16-foot gap into a kiddie pool? And who doesn't love the fact that said waterslide was made by high school kids when their parents were away for 10 days?

It's Funny When People Fall Down

In honor of Boom Goes the Dynamite falling on its face in the semifinals on Tuesday night, we give you a model and a fat guy falling. Like we needed a reason to post these videos.

The Price is Wrong, José

We here at Mr. Heavyfoot have been big fans of Bob Barker and The Price is Right ever since our mom plopped us in front of the TV at 10 a.m., every morning while she did what moms do. Since we pride ourselves in being relative experts in the long-time game show, we know bad moves when we see them, from where to put the chip on the Plinko board to over-bidding on a product in Cliff Hangers to poor putting technique in Hole in One (or Two) to the pace at which you must bid during the Clock Game to risking it on the Showcase Showdown to...BIDDING $250,000 ON ONE SHOWCASE?!?!

Poor José in the above video was in wayyyy over his head for the Showcase portion of the day. What the heck was he thinking when he bid $250,000? Did he think he was bidding on every single product he saw during that day's show? Was he bidding in yen? Has the Navy taught him NOTHING?

There's just so much in this video to love:
1) Bob: "Our top winner in the Showcase is...GAY!" - Now Bob has had his fair share of sexual harassment troubles, but this time he's 100% innocent. The contestant's name is Gay.
2) José asking, "When I bid on the showcase, you mean everything?" Bob replies, "Everything." José's eyes then get huge as he says "Everything?" - Sheesh. No José, just bid on the carpet.
3) Bob then calling him Joe - "Give me your bid, Joe." - Clearly, Bob called him Joe on purpose. Bob knew this guy was going to ruin the end of an otherwise great show.
4) José: "I bid $250,000."
Bob: "$250?" - Bob's hearing isn't what it used to be.
5) José's look after he clarifies his bid of $250,000. - That right there is a look of complete and utter confidence...or is it confusion.
6) Bob laughing at José and his bid.
7) José: "Woo!"
8) Bob giving José another shot at a realistic bid; José throwing out $60,000; Bob giving José one last little shot to re-think that awful bid before basically saying, "Screw it, that's your bid you dumbass."
9) Gay's bid of "A dollar." - The look on Gay's face after making that bid is priceless. It's like she's saying, "You idiot sailor-boy, I just punked your ass on national television."
10) The look on José's face as the go to and come back from commerical. It looks like he actually thinks he still has a chance.
11) José's reaction after going over. He has no idea what just happened. - Ignorance is bliss, right? For some reason, I see a dishonorable discharge from the Navy in José's future.
12) Perhaps the best part: Gay's reaction when she's announced as the winner. - Gay, what did you think was going to happen? You should have screamed like that when José bid 250 grand. You had that thing locked up. Were you actually nervous at the end there?

How Not to Play Golf in the Dark

Clearly we've been mailing it in during the last week or so. The tradition continues today as we take the easy route and just post another video that's made the rounds on the interweb for some time now. We'd apologize, but it's not like this is a subscription-based blog. Plus, no one we know has done or said anything remotely worth writing fake news about. C'mon Heavyfoot community, do something so we can do what we do best. Until then, we give you an idiot swinging a golf club at something that resembles a Molotov cocktail.

Dogs and Bikes Don't Mix

Since we're still in no mood to write fake news stories, we'll stick with the dog theme and give you a pair of videos of those dogs that decided to participate in the Tour de France. A kinda interesting note on the second video: the guy in white (Sandy Casar) who ran into the dog went on to win the stage.

Because It's Kind of a Somber Day in These Parts, Here's Cooper Catching Frisbees

As we sit just a little more than a stone's throw away from the collapsed I-35W bridge over Mississippi, we're just in no mood to write fake news. Instead, we're bringing back the video of the somewhat amazing frisbee dog Cooper catching...wait for it...wait for it...Frisbees!