Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 8 Smart Money Picks

The Professor would like to welcome Lockrem's Locks from the depths of obscurity and mediocrity to the rarefied air near the top of the Pick 'Em Corner standings. Note I said "near the top" as yours truly is again at the pinnacle of the Big Ten's premier college football gambling/prognosticating program. Enjoy your time with the elite, Lockrem's Locks, it surely won't last.

Turning to this week’s games, The Professor would like to express his sincere and heartfelt hatred of all things Badger. From the skunk-stuffed-in-a-popcorn-box look of mascot Bucky, to Camp Randall’s love affair of one-hit wonder House of Pain, to insufferable head coach Bret Bielema, to Badger football fans’ ridiculously short memory, to the sullying of the color red until the end of time, this is a program that inspires loathing, disgust and abhorrence. Plus, The Professor’s kids are fond of saying, “Wisconsin smells like poop and cheese” and “Bucky is yucky.” And who are we to argue?

Without further ado, sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

OHIO STATE -18.5 Purdue

The Boilermakers are who we thought they were! And the Buckeyes aren’t going to let them off the hook.

WISCONSIN -17.5 Minnesota

Every fiber in my being wants to pick Wisconsin, but Schadenfreude and hate are far too strong of forces to repel. That being said, the evidence of an upcoming Badger romp is daunting. Namely, road game, one hobbled QB and another unconfident QB, injuries up the wazoo, Minnesota’s inability to stop the inside run and all the stats that say this game will be over by halftime. Oh well, at least we have hockey. This pick is brought to you by Gasthof zur Gemutlichkeit.

Nebraska -6.5 NORTHWESTERN

As bad as the Gophers played last week against the ‘Cats, they still somehow had a chance to tie the game up late. What that tells me is that Northwestern isn’t as good as some of the experts (read: KCKCKCK) think. The Huskers are in a different class and will prove it with a resounding road victory.

MICHIGAN -10 Michigan State

Do I believe Sparty will win this game? No. But I do believe humorless Mark Dantonio will have MSU fired up to at least keep this one close.  

NAVY -2.5 Indiana

Anchors Aweigh is both the name of the Navy fight song and the slogan of Indiana’s sinking season.

IOWA -3 Penn State

The Angry Iowa Running Back Hating God (AIRBHG) rose up and smited yet another Hawkeye tailback, injuring Gopher-killer Mark Weisman last week in the win over Michigan State. Apparently, AIRBHG takes The Professor’s side on the Schadenfreude angle.

OKLAHOMA STATE -14 Iowa State

What have the Cowboys done to deserve the label of a 14-point favorite in this game? It can’t be the uninspiring 20-14 win over Kansas last week, nor their 0-2 mark against ranked teams this season. Iowa State has been impressive this season, taking down Iowa and TCU, and putting up big fights against Texas Tech and Kansas State. DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

Rutgers -5.5 TEMPLE

Looks like Steve Stellar’s East Coast Bias has reared its ugly head once again.

LSU -3.5 TEXAS A&M

I saw something on ESPN about the speed of the Aggie QB. And that’s why I’m taking A&M. MY KNOWLEDGE OF THE SEC IS ASTOUNDING.

Stanford -2.5 CAL

This one goes out to long-time friend of The Professor and Stanford band alum, Bill/Dave. Everyone called him Bill/Dave because no one was ever sure what his first name was. Is it Bill? Is it Dave? We’re still not quite sure. Anyway, Bill/Dave absolutely hates the Dirty Golden Bears, and since this is Hate Week v. 2, I’m siding with the guy with two first names.

NOTRE DAME -13.5 BYU

For the first time this season, The Professor is abandoning the Schadenfreude angle. As much as I hate it, Notre Dame is putting together a magical season and the Irish aren’t going to let a bunch of Mormons with Mitt Romney tattoos derail their march to a BCS bowl.

FLORIDA -3.5 South Carolina

I think I saw somewhere that Marcus Lattimore is banged up and may not play. That’s enough for me.

Texas Tech -1 TCU

Whoever is setting the lines for Big 12 games this week has The Professor stumped. Texas Tech just throttled West Virginia 49-14, while TCU has its best QB in treatment for substance abuse.

USC -40.5 Colorado

I know the Buffs are flat-out awful, but I just have a feeling they’ll stick around enough to keep it within the number here.

Georgia -27.5 KENTUCKY

That’s an awful lot of points for an SEC game, but Kentucky has turned its attention to the hardwood where they actually have a chance to win a game or two.

WEST VIRGINIA -2.5 Kansas State

Everyone knew the Mountaineers couldn’t stop anybody, but now Texas Tech has provided the blueprint on how to actually stop the Mountaineers.

Alabama -20 TENNESSEE

ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY!

MISSISSIPPI STATE -19.5 Middle Tennessee

The Tim Brewster Theorem  states that any game involving TREMENDOUS WIN FIGHT TRY Mississippi State assistant coach Tim Brewster should be picked in favor of BULLDOG NATION’s opponent when the spread seems reasonable if it involved any other coach. Therefore, go Blue Raiders!

Cincinnati -7 TOLEDO

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! [Analysis not provided]

Florida State -20.5 MIAMI

And I’ve run out of gas. Much like the Canes will surely do to disappoint me and Steve Stellar once again.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

2012 Pick ‘Em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. The Professor – 83-58 (5-2) – 93 pts

2. Lockrem’s Locks – 80-60 (5-2) - 90 pts

3. The Cornerman – 78-63 (5-2) – 88 pts

4. Jeff Leach – 80-63 (2-4) – 84 pts

4. The Host – 76-65 (4-3) – 84 pts

6. Steve Stellar – 73-68 (5-2) – 83 pts

7. KCKCK – 74-67 (4-3) – 82 pts

8. C-Noth – 66-75 (4-3) – 74 pts

9. Wick to Click – 65-76 (3-3) – 71 pts

10. Strickly Cash – 65-76 (1-6) – 67 pts

11. Special G – 60-61 (2-4) – 64 pts

12. Money Traen – 55-65 (3-3) – 61 pts

12. The Veteran – 59-61 (1-5) – 61 pts

14. Miss Money –54-68 (1-4) – 56 pts

15. LFK – 6-12 (no lock ) 6 pts

The Professor in 2012 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 83-58 (.589)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 5-2 (.714)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 30-22 (.577)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 53-36 (.596)

Minnesota games: 2-4 (.333)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 10-9 (.526)

Service Academy Games: 2-7 (.222)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 4-3 (.571)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 3-2 (.600)

Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 7 Smart Money Picks

 The Professor started a Twitter account (@TheProfessorPEC) earlier this week due to popular demand. Following are a sampling of some of what you can expect as a follower.

·         I still can’t believe I’m on top of the Pick ‘Em Corner standings!

·         I have got to stop saying yes to every interview request.

·         Walked by a group of guys at the coffee shop. All were reading my Smart Money Picks. Awkward!

·         Just wrapped up my office hours for the week. Had 74 Professor’s Pupils show up just to talk.

·         I miss the good ol’ days before Pick ‘Em Corner. Was so much easier to go to a restaurant without getting interrupted.

·         Just in case you think leading Pick ‘Em Corner has gone to my head, my kids just think of me as the guy who rakes leaves into a pile for them to jump in.

·         Still not used to this question: “Can I have your autograph?”

For some reason, The Professor keeps getting retweeted by @humblebrag. I have no idea why.

Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

MICHIGAN STATE -10 Iowa

This has to be the week Sparty break out, right? No, I know it won’t happen, but my Schadenfreude contract with Gasthof zur Gemutlichkeit is forcing my hand in this game.

Northwestern -3.5 MINNESOTA

My head says, “Take the Wildcats cuz they’re better, dude” but my head also says, “Minnesota has had two weeks to prepare, two weeks to stew in anger over losing Floyd and two weeks to get healthy.” Also, NERDS!!!

PURDUE -2.5 Wisconsin

For some reason, The Professor’s oldest son likes to cheer for Wisconsin when they’re not playing Minnesota. Because of that, I get the pleasure of feeling some homegrown Schadenfreude when I get to tell said son that Bucky lost … or didn’t cover. I’m hoping I’ll be able to do the same this week. Plus, this Danny Hope gif.

MICHIGAN -23.5 Illinois

Illinois is bad. Like Miss Money (43-58) in Pick ‘Em Corner bad.

Ohio State -17 INDIANA

The Hoosiers are showing some promise, but you can’t expect them to hang within 17 points of National Champion hopeful, BCS Bowl hopeful, Big Ten Championship Game hopeful, Ohio State.

Alabama -21 MISSOURI

DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It's The Professor's Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University! Welcome to the ESS-EEE-SEE, Mizzou. Here’s your complimentary ass-whuppin’ courtesy of Nick Saban.

RUTGERS -7 Syracuse

Rutgers beat SEC foe Arkansas and is quietly 5-0 on the season with the fifth-ranked defense in the nation. Syracuse lost to Minnesota. Take the State University of New Jersey.

Oklahoma -3 Texas

The Professor has no idea which way to go on this one, but his old friend Teeks works at Oklahoma. At least I think he still does. Whatever. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-klahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the plains!

Kansas State -6.5 IOWA STATE

I love me some KSU Wildcats, but Iowa State is The Professor’s sentimental favorite team this year (after the Gophers) due to their win over Iowa (haha, Herky), their color scheme and their affiliation with my father. Go Cyclones!

North Carolina -7.5 MIAMI

I’m jumping off the Al Golden bandwagon this week after the Canes forgot to show up in their tilt against Notre Dame. Plus, Miami can’t stop Pop Warner team offenses, so there’s no reason to expect them to stay within 7.5 against the ‘Heels.

BYU -6 Oregon State

The Professor is a Beaver Believer. Also, BYU has scored 6 points twice this season. Isn’t that enough?

NOTRE DAME -7.5 Stanford

It’s the Professor’s Schadenfreude Game of the Week, presented by Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit, so you know where this pick is headed. Also, NERDS!!!

West Virginia -3.5 TEXAS TECH

The Professor rode the Mountaineers to a win in his lock last week, so I’m letting it ride this week. Also, West F***ing Virginia.

Florida -8.5 VANDERBILT

The experts will tell you to be wary of a letdown for Florida after the big win over LSU, but they’re dead wrong. The Gators are accustomed to being ready week in and week out in the SEC. Meanwhile, despite their promise, Vanderbilt is still Vanderbilt. Also, NERDS!!!

USC -12.5 WASHINGTON

Lightning round time. Steve Stellar likes Washington. Therefore, The Professor likes USC.

LSU -2.5 South Carolina

I’m not sure Gamecocks can pull off the upset win on the road, but LSU has been entirely underwhelming this season. Exhibit A: the win over the Fighting Gellers. Exhibit B: the 12-10 win over a bad Auburn team. Meanwhile, South Carolina has cruised in its last five games after a near hiccup at Vandy to open the season. Go Cocky!

MISSISSIPPI STATE -2.5 Tennessee

The Tim Brewster Theorem has returned! Put out to pasture on Oct. 16, 2010 upon Brewster’s firing at Minnesota, the theorem states that any game involving TREMENDOUS WIN FIGHT TRY Mississippi State assistant coach Tim Brewster should be picked in favor of BULLDOG NATION’s opponent when the spread seems reasonable if it involved any other coach.

Texas A&M -7.5 LOUISIANA TECH

It’s the immovable object (Aggie defense) vs. the irresistible force (Lady Techsters offense). I’ll take Points by the Truckload for $1200, Alex.

New Mexico -3.5 HAWAI’I

It’s The Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game, brought to you by RO*TEL! [Analysis not provided]

Kent State -2 ARMY

It’s The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week (SAGoW), brought to you by Armed Forces Network!

On, brave old Army team,

On to the fray;

Fight on to victory,

For that's the fearless Army way.

Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen.

 

 

2012 Pick ‘Em Corner Standings (locks in parentheses)

1. The Professor – 73-48 (4-2) – 81 pts

2. Lockrem’s Locks – 64-56 (5-1) - 74 pts

2. The Cornerman – 66-55 (4-2) – 74 pts

4. Steve Stellar – 65-56 (4-2) – 73 pts

4. The Host – 67-54 (3-3) – 73 pts

6. KCKCK – 62-59 (3-3) – 68 pts

7. Jeff Leach – 63-56 (2-3) – 67 pts

8. C-Noth – 57-64 (3-3) – 63 pts

9. Wick to Click – 57-64 (2-3) – 61 pts

10. Strickly Cash – 54-67 (1-5) – 56 pts

11. Special G – 49-52 (2-3) – 53 pts

12. Money Traen – 48-52 (2-3) – 52 pts

12. The Veteran – 50-50 (1-4) – 52 pts

14. Miss Money –43-58 (1-3) – 45 pts

15. LFK – 6-12 (no lock ) 6 pts

The Professor in 2012 Pick 'Em Corner

Overall record: 73-48 (.603)

Statistically-Proven Locks: 4-2 (.667)

Games involving Big Ten teams: 29-18 (.617)

Games not involving Big Ten teams: 44-30 (.595)

Minnesota games: 2-3 (.400)

Schadenfreude Games (Wisconsin, Iowa, Notre Dame): 9-7 (.563)

Service Academy Games: 2-6 (.250)

Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Games: 4-2 (.667)

Roll Tide Turkey Games: 2-2 (.500)