Pick 'em Corner: The Professor's Week 15/16 Smart Money Picks

GO ARMY! BEAT NAVY!

Sit up straight, sharpen your pencils and enjoy the lecture, for these are The Professor’s Smart Money Picks, brought to you by The City of Chanhassen. Bet Smart ®

Louisville -3.5 CINCINNATI

The Professor took the Cards and won! 1-0, bitches.

Northern Illinois -3 Bowling Green (at Detroit, Mich.)
The Huskies face a stiff test in the Falcons here, but NIU has far more to play for here than the team in orange and brown. Win and the Huskies are likely in a BCS bowl. Lose and they’re in Detroit or something. A win or a loss for the Falcons still pretty much means the same thing – a bowl game in a warm location on a weekday afternoon before Christmas televised on TBS or Court TV. Husky Women [clap, clap, clap, clap, clap]!

RICE -4.5 Marshall

When Vegas (or Steve Stellar, in this case) screw up a spread, you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Go on take the money and run. Oo, oo, oo. In fact, DO YOU HEAR THAT SOUND? EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! EEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR-PLUNK! It’s The Professor’s Statistically-Proven Lock of the Week, brought to you by National American University!

OKLAHOMA STATE -10 Oklahoma

The Pokes are dominant at home, while Oklahoma employs a pig farmer from Nowheresville, Minn.

UCF -7 SMU (at SMU)

What gives on this spread? I know a letdown may be in store for the Fighting Seeleys with last week’s win over Louisville and a BCS bowl locked up, but SMU is 5-6 and fresh off a 34-0 shutout at the hands of Houston. Meanwhile, save for a three-point loss to South Carolina, UCF is this season’s Boise State. Take the Knights.

Memphis -1 UCONN

It’s the Does Anybody Outside the Locales of the Two Teams Involved Actually Care About This Game? Game (DAOtLotTTIACATG?G), brought to you by Casa de Autos.  Memphis lost by 20 to Temple; UConn beat the Owls by seven. Husky Women [clap, clap, clap, clap, clap]!

 

BAYLOR -13.5 Texas

The Bears have been a mess the last two weeks on defense, so I think the Horns hang around and keep this one close.

Auburn -1.5 Missouri (at Atlanta, Ga.)

Dear Mrs. Money,

Congrats on your above average 2013 season and your ability to flip a coin and have it come up with a winner in Pick ‘em Corner. Kudos to you. For this game, here’s a simple quiz. What is wrong with The Professor’s analysis when he says, “I like the Tigers in this one.”

Warmest Regards,

The Professor

RUTGERS -6 South Florida

The State University of New Jersey lost to freaking UConn last week, so yeah, the Scarlet Knights will fit in great in the B1G. YOU SUCK DELANY. 

 ARIZONA STATE -3 Stanford (at Tempe, Ariz.)

Stanford loses but its students leave Tempe yelling, “That’s alright, that’s OK, you’ll all work for us someday!” And they’re correct. NERDS!!!

Florida State -29 Duke (Charlotte, N.C.)

Is this the first half spread?

Ohio State -5.5 Michigan State (Indianapolis, Ind.)

The Professor was left unimpressed by Sparty last week against the Gophers, but you have to excuse Michigan State for looking ahead to the B1G title game. The Buckeye D has been average at best the last three games, so the mediocre MSU offense will move the ball enough to keep Miller et al off the field. Michigan State’s defense is the real deal (despite the so-so showing against Goldy), so expect Sparty to keep this one close. Ohio State wins with a field goal to end the game and limp into the NCG where Brutus will get trampled by Osceola and Renegade.

 

FRESNO STATE -4 Utah State

Don’t know. Don’t care.

Navy -9 Army (Philadelphia, Pa.)

Army’s motto is the iconic “Duty, Honor, Country.” Navy’s motto is “Ex Scientia Tridens” which translated means “I’m on a boat.”

ADVANTAGE: ARMY

Army’s mascot is a mule. Navy’s mascot is a goat. Both underwhelming, I know. But children know the mule is far superior: http://youtu.be/HvM3eKMsF50

ADVANTAGE: ARMY

The Army has its own soldiers do their fighting. The Navy politely asks the Marines to fight on their behalf.

ADVANTAGE: ARMY

Army soldiers have been awarded the Medal of Honor 2,420 times. Navy sailors and Marines … 1,046.

ADVANTAGE: ARMY

Two Army grads – Ulysses S. Grant and Dwight Eisenhower – became President of the United States. One Navy grad became President … and it was Jimmy Carter.

ADVANTAGE: ARMY

Most famous Army grads: MacArthur, Patton, Bradley, Eisenhower, Pershing, Sherman, Custer, Lee, Grant, Schwarzkopf. Most famous Navy grads: Jimmy Carter, John McCain, Oliver North, Ross Perot, Montel Williams.

ADVANTAGE: ARMY

Famous Army pop song: “These Colors Don’t Run” by Iron Maiden. Famous Navy song: “In the Navy”  by the Village People.

ADVANTAGE: ARMY

The choice is clear … GO ARMY! BEAT NAVY!