Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 1 Smart Money Picks
The Professor is back. Pick 'Em Corner is back. And most importantly, The Professor's Smart Money Picks are back.
You may remember The Professor's Pick 'Em Corner-best 29-14 record in picking Big Ten games against the spread in 2008. Well, this season, we're branching out beyond the Big Ten and picking a total of 15 games per week, including all Big Ten games, The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week, all Alabama "Roll Tide Turkey" games and any games featuring Top 25 teams against each other. The remaining games will be filled out by quality storylines associated with the game.
To recap how this works, each game is worth one point and any "Lock of the Week" is worth three. All games are picked AGAINST THE SPREAD (not straight up winners). Standings will be posted on Mr. Heavyfoot after each week.
Don't be fooled by Pick 'Em Corner's other handicappers. The Host finished with an incredibly-awful 17-26 record last year. Cornerman, Coolies, Miss Money and Jimbo hovered around the .500 mark the entire season and never brought you, the bettor, the consistency needed to actually make some money picking college football. Slietes had a winning record in 2008, but even he chalks that up to pure luck. The Professor's most worthy competitor, KCKCKCK, has proven his chops at Pick 'Em Corner, but does he really have you in mind when he makes his picks? Methinks not. He's just fulfilling his sponsor obligations with Jimmy John's.
So, without further ado, I present to you The Professor's Smart Money Picks:
Favorite Spread Underdog (Home teams in ALL CAPS, The Professor's pick in bold)
GA TECH -2.5 North Carolina
Ramblin' Wreck coach Paul Johnson used to coach at Navy. If you know anything about The Professor, you're aware he's an Army guy. Go Heels.
NORTHWESTERN -1.5 Minnesota
Talked to former Gopher assistant Moe Ankeny this week. He still can't find Losli and is calling for the defense to be in Cobra. That's all the insight he gave me on this one. Minnesota may lose this game in a dramatic fashion for the third straight year, but it won't be by more than a point.
MICHIGAN -20.5 Indiana
Talked to disgraced former Michigan QB-turned-WR-turned drug dealer Justin Feagin this week. I don't have anything to add to that. I just wanted to drop his name. Indiana is not a good 3-0 football team (and as a Gopher fan, I know bad 3-0 football teams), but they're not three TDs worse than a young Michigan football team.
WISCONSIN -3 Michigan State
If you know anything about The Professor, you're aware that he never NEVER picks the BADgers, no matter the matchup or the spread. It's a tactic that has worked well in the past as evidenced by The Professor's Pick 'Em Corner-best 29-14 record in Big Ten games last season.
California -5.5 OREGON
Can't say I was overly-impressed with Cal last week, aside from the obvious accolades for Jahvid Best, but Cal is a much superior team to the Ducks. Oregon loves to run the ball, but the Bears thrive on stopping the run. Meanwhile, Cal will learn their lesson from last week and stick with Best, exploiting Oregon's average run defense. On top of all that, Cal QB Kevin Riley is miles ahead of former 5th-string Oregon QB Jeremiah Masoli. This has all the makings of a Cal rout.
Miami (FL) -3 VIRGINIA TECH
I know The U is the trendy pick here and I fully expect Coolies to throw his lock of the week on this game, but really, this is almost a pick-em game, with Vegas giving the Hokies some points based on home field advantage. I talked to that thing on Virginia Tech coach Frank Beamer's neck and it told me the Hokies are lucky to be 2-1. They'll be even luckier if they stay within 10 points of the Canes.
OHIO STATE -14 Illinois
You hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's the MasterLock Triple Strong Lock of the Week! I know. I know. The Illini gets Juice and Benn back and the Buckeye offense has been streaky at best under Terelle Pryor. I DON'T CARE. Need I remind you Illinois is a Ron Zook-coached team?!? What else needs to be said? Ohio State. Big. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk!
ALABAMA -17.5 Arkansas
The Professor absolutely hates when the entire Pick 'Em Corner panel yells ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY! So I'll counter with WOO! PIG! SOOIE!
Florida -21.5 KENTUCKY
Talked to Kathleen Sebelius, the Secretary of Health and Human Services, and she told me the H1N1 flu virus that hit the Gators last week will have some carryover effects to this game. There's not a chance that Florida loses, but the swine flu will keep this game closer than the experts thing (copyright Lee Corso).
IOWA STATE -10 Army
You know how The Host gets to sing that stupid Ramblin' Wreck song every time a Georgia Tech game is among the picks? Well, now it's The Professor's turn in this week's Service Academy Game of the Week. Ready?
On, brave old Army team,
On to the fray:
Fight on to victory,
For that's the fearless Army way.
Thank you.
PENN STATE -9.5 Iowa
Who hates Iowa? The Professor hates Iowa. The Professor is also aware that Ricky Stanzi is nothing special, not to mention the Hawks' committee of no-name running backs. That's enough for 10 points in my book.
Notre Dame -7 PURDUE
The gut beats the mustache.
STANFORD -7.5 Washington
Otherwise known as the Ty Willingham Bowl, I'm drinking the purple kool-aid in this one and predicting a Huskies win.
HOUSTON -1 Texas Tech
Easily the toughest game of the week to pick, but I'll call Houston's win over Okie State a mirage and Texas Tech's strong showing against Texas a trend. This is going to be a major shootout with the Red Raiders winning on the final drive of the contest.
USC -45 Washington State
45 points?!? HA! I know USC is pissed and Wazzu is awful, but 45 points? No way.
You may remember The Professor's Pick 'Em Corner-best 29-14 record in picking Big Ten games against the spread in 2008. Well, this season, we're branching out beyond the Big Ten and picking a total of 15 games per week, including all Big Ten games, The Professor's Service Academy Game of the Week, all Alabama "Roll Tide Turkey" games and any games featuring Top 25 teams against each other. The remaining games will be filled out by quality storylines associated with the game.
To recap how this works, each game is worth one point and any "Lock of the Week" is worth three. All games are picked AGAINST THE SPREAD (not straight up winners). Standings will be posted on Mr. Heavyfoot after each week.
Don't be fooled by Pick 'Em Corner's other handicappers. The Host finished with an incredibly-awful 17-26 record last year. Cornerman, Coolies, Miss Money and Jimbo hovered around the .500 mark the entire season and never brought you, the bettor, the consistency needed to actually make some money picking college football. Slietes had a winning record in 2008, but even he chalks that up to pure luck. The Professor's most worthy competitor, KCKCKCK, has proven his chops at Pick 'Em Corner, but does he really have you in mind when he makes his picks? Methinks not. He's just fulfilling his sponsor obligations with Jimmy John's.
So, without further ado, I present to you The Professor's Smart Money Picks:
Favorite Spread Underdog (Home teams in ALL CAPS, The Professor's pick in bold)
GA TECH -2.5 North Carolina
Ramblin' Wreck coach Paul Johnson used to coach at Navy. If you know anything about The Professor, you're aware he's an Army guy. Go Heels.
NORTHWESTERN -1.5 Minnesota
Talked to former Gopher assistant Moe Ankeny this week. He still can't find Losli and is calling for the defense to be in Cobra. That's all the insight he gave me on this one. Minnesota may lose this game in a dramatic fashion for the third straight year, but it won't be by more than a point.
MICHIGAN -20.5 Indiana
Talked to disgraced former Michigan QB-turned-WR-turned drug dealer Justin Feagin this week. I don't have anything to add to that. I just wanted to drop his name. Indiana is not a good 3-0 football team (and as a Gopher fan, I know bad 3-0 football teams), but they're not three TDs worse than a young Michigan football team.
WISCONSIN -3 Michigan State
If you know anything about The Professor, you're aware that he never NEVER picks the BADgers, no matter the matchup or the spread. It's a tactic that has worked well in the past as evidenced by The Professor's Pick 'Em Corner-best 29-14 record in Big Ten games last season.
California -5.5 OREGON
Can't say I was overly-impressed with Cal last week, aside from the obvious accolades for Jahvid Best, but Cal is a much superior team to the Ducks. Oregon loves to run the ball, but the Bears thrive on stopping the run. Meanwhile, Cal will learn their lesson from last week and stick with Best, exploiting Oregon's average run defense. On top of all that, Cal QB Kevin Riley is miles ahead of former 5th-string Oregon QB Jeremiah Masoli. This has all the makings of a Cal rout.
Miami (FL) -3 VIRGINIA TECH
I know The U is the trendy pick here and I fully expect Coolies to throw his lock of the week on this game, but really, this is almost a pick-em game, with Vegas giving the Hokies some points based on home field advantage. I talked to that thing on Virginia Tech coach Frank Beamer's neck and it told me the Hokies are lucky to be 2-1. They'll be even luckier if they stay within 10 points of the Canes.
OHIO STATE -14 Illinois
You hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's the MasterLock Triple Strong Lock of the Week! I know. I know. The Illini gets Juice and Benn back and the Buckeye offense has been streaky at best under Terelle Pryor. I DON'T CARE. Need I remind you Illinois is a Ron Zook-coached team?!? What else needs to be said? Ohio State. Big. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk!
ALABAMA -17.5 Arkansas
The Professor absolutely hates when the entire Pick 'Em Corner panel yells ROLL! TIDE! TURKEY! So I'll counter with WOO! PIG! SOOIE!
Florida -21.5 KENTUCKY
Talked to Kathleen Sebelius, the Secretary of Health and Human Services, and she told me the H1N1 flu virus that hit the Gators last week will have some carryover effects to this game. There's not a chance that Florida loses, but the swine flu will keep this game closer than the experts thing (copyright Lee Corso).
IOWA STATE -10 Army
You know how The Host gets to sing that stupid Ramblin' Wreck song every time a Georgia Tech game is among the picks? Well, now it's The Professor's turn in this week's Service Academy Game of the Week. Ready?
On, brave old Army team,
On to the fray:
Fight on to victory,
For that's the fearless Army way.
Thank you.
PENN STATE -9.5 Iowa
Who hates Iowa? The Professor hates Iowa. The Professor is also aware that Ricky Stanzi is nothing special, not to mention the Hawks' committee of no-name running backs. That's enough for 10 points in my book.
Notre Dame -7 PURDUE
The gut beats the mustache.
STANFORD -7.5 Washington
Otherwise known as the Ty Willingham Bowl, I'm drinking the purple kool-aid in this one and predicting a Huskies win.
HOUSTON -1 Texas Tech
Easily the toughest game of the week to pick, but I'll call Houston's win over Okie State a mirage and Texas Tech's strong showing against Texas a trend. This is going to be a major shootout with the Red Raiders winning on the final drive of the contest.
USC -45 Washington State
45 points?!? HA! I know USC is pissed and Wazzu is awful, but 45 points? No way.
Thus concludes The Professor's Smart Money Picks.
1 comment:
The highlight of the Professor's Week 1 picks: talking to "that thing" on Frank Beamer's neck. Love it.
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